‘Stop borrowing trouble’: First-time cat owner regrets adopting the "perfect" cat, until heartfelt strangers remind her what it really means to trust happiness

Author image for Blake Seidel
Blake Seidel • Managing Editor & Brand Manager
Aug 23, 2025 9:00 AM EDT

Even if you're a seasoned cat owner, taking in a new cat can be pawsitively stressful. Let alone adopting your first cat. We remember adopting our first kitten. We were bursting with excitement, experiencing all the fluffy feelings that come along with getting your first pet. And then…. reality hit. We worried all the time about their well-being. Is their upset stomach the sign of something worse? What are we going to do with them when we want to go on vacation? Are they going to be okay while we're at work? All of our joy turned into fear, and we thought to ourselves, "Did we just make the biggest mistake of our lives?"

When it all felt like too much, we went to our never-ending source of pawsitivity and reassurance - our mom. She's had cats her whole life, so she's a feline expurrt. She assured us that this is the most normal feeling in the world, whether it's your first cat child or hooman one, every new pawrent goes through the same process of adjusting. Yes, your life will change furever. Sure, there's a small percentage of a chance that it could be for the worse, but most of the time, it ends up being better than you ever could have imagined.

Below, you'll find a first-time cat owner going through the same thing. Except this time, the heartfelt advice she received didn't come from her mom, but from a kind stranger on the internet. Although it may have come from a different place, we felt the same feeling we felt back then: a feeling of having to face our fear of success. We hope she gets through it, as we did.

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  • 01

    First time cat owner, been crying for days with regret

    Woman crying on the couch with a cat including 'I feel so guilty for adopting this cat'
    via charliepix

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    first, please be gentle with me. I already feel immense shame and guilt over this and have been judging myself enough for the two of us, I promise. and don't worry- lesson learned. if i need to rehome this cat, I will not be adopting again anytime in the near future.
    via fickleforestfairy
  • 03
    TLDR: Did my research, waited until life felt okay, got a lovely, gentle, calm, affectionate 6 y/o cat at an adopt-a-thon. I have been crying constantly the past four days with immense regret over adopting her. Wondering if I should contact the shelter so she can get adopted again in the second half of adopt-a-thon or ask to de-escalate into a foster situation and work to find her a new home.
    via fickleforestfairy
  • 04
    Ever since I graduated from college (am now 26), I wanted to get a cat but couldn't due to past living situations. I recently started living alone and figured now would be a good time to get a cat. I had discussed with friends who own cats what their monthly spending is, what their
    via fickleforestfairy
  • 05
    average vet bill costs, how much their pet insurance is, etc. Plus, growing up with dogs who were well-loved (3 walks a day + play time), I felt I had a good sense of what kind of time and consistent care responsible pet- ownership entails, despite never having a cat myself.
    via fickleforestfairy

  • She did her research, prepurred her house, and felt purrfectly ready. The integration was seamless, so what's getting in her way? Herself. Her fear of being happy. Fear of change. It's natural, but it's not a fear to give in to.

  • 06
    around the time I felt settled into my apartment, the local shelter was hosting an adopt-a-thon, and it felt like perfect timing. I went on the second day with a few cats in mind whose descriptions seemed to match my lifestyle, met my top-choice
    via fickleforestfairy
  • 07
    cat really briefly through the window in her cage where she was very loving and came up immediately for head butts and chin scratches, talked with a staff member, and about 30 minutes later, I was walking out of the shelter with a cat.
    via fickleforestfairy
  • 08
    Cat in a cage with sign that says 'ADOPT ME'
    via esolla

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 09
    Don't get me wrong- this cat (6 y/o) is absolutely lovely. she came out of her carrier immediately and confidently assessed the room I put her in to adjust. She came up to me quickly to rub against my hands, rolled onto the floor to show me
    via fickleforestfairy
  • 10
    her belly, started making biscuits, etc. She has been nothing but sweet and gentle and well-behaved. she hasn't scratched at any of my furniture, doesn't jump on my kitchen. counters, completely ignores my plants, plays a bit but doesn't
    via fickleforestfairy
  • 11
    get the zoomies, hasn't disrupted my sleep, is starting to eat more and more. I have left her alone for multiple hours with full access to my apartment, and nothing is out of place or destroyed when I come back.
    via fickleforestfairy
  • 12
    my only complaint so far is that she is a long hair cat, so she gets stuck on her bt hair every time she goes and litter (using clumping clay kind) gets everywhere because it gets stuck in her hair.
    via fickleforestfairy

  • Poor thing, she's taking this really hard! We all deal with change in our own ways, for example, we get really anxious, which means we're more quick to get angry. We have to take a second and think to ourselves, “Is this really something we should be upset about, or do we just need to find a quiet space and take some deep breaths?” The answer is usually the second one.

  • 13
    Despite how lovely she is, I have been crying 3+ times a day for the past four days and thinking "what have I done???" I am a rather independent person and have been waiting to live on my own for years and have been loving it so far. I truly
    via fickleforestfairy
  • 14
    underestimated how much living with a cat would feel like living with a roommate, and I feel silly for not fully considering this. I am really mourning the loss of my personal space and am starting to wonder if I should have let myself properly live.
    via fickleforestfairy
  • 15
    alone for a while before getting a cat. I also struggle with mental health issues and it's starting to set in that I will have to be alive and able to care for this animal for maybe 10-15 years, and I worry that I'm not actually up to this commitment.
    via fickleforestfairy
  • 16
    Woman playing with orange cat
    via corelens

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 17
    I am starting to think that owning a cat just isn't for me right now. Despite the yearning and the researching, now that I actually have the cat, I fear I made the biggest mistake, and I feel so irresponsible and foolish. I feel so guilty for adopting this
    via fickleforestfairy
  • 18
    cat at the adopt-a-thon. If I didn't adopt her, she definitely would have gone home with someone else and settled into her forever home. I know that it takes time for the cat to adjust and likely for me to adjust, but part of me wants to get this
    via fickleforestfairy
  • 19
    sweet kitty to a loving home asap. The adopt-a-thon is still going on at the shelter until this Thursday, and part of me wants to bring her back so she can get adopted swiftly.
    via fickleforestfairy
  • 20
    I also am debating calling the shelter and asking to de- escalate into a foster situation with this cat (if they allow it) and work to find her a new home in that way. the shelter told me she wasn't eating well at the shelter and was rather reserved. At my
    via fickleforestfairy
  • 21
    apartment, she has started to eat and is anything but reserved- always seeking out pets and purring, making biscuits, rolling around at my feet. I am trying to comfort myself by affirming that she is far happier and getting more
    via fickleforestfairy
  • 22
    individual attention at my apartment than at the shelter, and even if I need to re-home her, it was good to get her out of the shelter when I did. I would be more than willing to foster her, and I would even be willing to cover financial costs during
    via fickleforestfairy
  • 23
    the foster period and pay her adoption fee next time in order to expediate the process. I really want what is best for this cat, and I just have a gut feeling that this was a mistake and I'm not actually ready for the long haul, and I feel so silly and guilty for adopting her :(
    via fickleforestfairy
  • 24
    i know this is long- thank you for reading and responding if you do. any words of wisdom or suggestions would be helpful!
    via fickleforestfairy
  • 25
    autopatch 16h ago It sounds like the cat picked you based on the way she's reacted to you. I'd suggest taking it one day at a time and settle into a routine together. The feeling you're having is what happens when we try new things and grow. You can do this.
    via autopatch
  • 26
    BitO... 14h ago Edited 5h ago • You have just described three very human experiences that have nothing to do with the cat. Those things are fear of commitment, buyers remorse, and catastrophic imaging.
    via BitOBear
  • 27
    Understand that these same things are associated with every big decision in your entire life and in the entire life of everybody around you.
    via BitOBear
  • 28
    At the basis of all three of these things are a fundamental fear of success.
    via BitOBear
  • 29
    If you go out and buy a brand new car and get it home, you will spend the next 4 days looking at that car and wondering if you should have bought a different model. Cuz you're now "stuck with" this car and you are thinking fondly of all the cars you could have bought or even considered buying.
    via BitOBear
  • 30
    You've described a world- class effortless integration and it has stoked your fear of the undropped shoe. Every moment that goes well is a moment of anticipation for the first big disappointment.
    via BitOBear
  • 31
    You said it yourself that you want to downgrade from adoption to fostering because you're actually fine with the cat, but you feel like you closed a door.
    via BitOBear
  • 32
    Every action you take in life closes a door. You cannot eat your cake and have it too. So every moment of success you have with the cat you are now hyper analyzing looking for the hidden failure.
    via BitOBear
  • 33
    I don't know enough about you personally to know whether or not you come from a family where catastrophizing everything was the norm. If you've been raised with an endless series of eventual disappointments and you're
    via BitOBear
  • 34
    waiting for the inevitable betrayal that you have constructed in your mind. You were ready to deal with the cat scratching the sofa but the cat isn't doing this small
    via BitOBear
  • 35
    things so where's its hidden flaw? You have this laundry list of things that the cat isn't doing wrong and you're basically enumerating the almost ideal cat ownership experience.
    via BitOBear
  • 36
    But if you go on vacation you're going to have to deal with the cat, which is just part of everything else you have to deal with. If you decide to go on a vacation you're going to have to deal with what to leave behind in your fridge. If you decide to go on a vacation you're going to have to deal with taking time off or whatever.
    via BitOBear
  • 37
    Stop looking for the negative consequences. This is massively easier said than done. But really, step outside your apartment and then imagine the person that you are when you're in the apartment crying about a cat
    via BitOBear
  • 38
    you are when you're in the apartment crying about a cat that is being perfectly lovely and ask yourself not what's the problem with the cat but what you keep on telling yourself in this tight loop of expectations and insistence on disappointment.
    via BitOBear
  • 39
    You've picked a good cat. Perhaps the cat is here in your life to teach you to stop looking for reasons to find fault with everything and then stop looking at the absence of fault as if it's a fault in itself.
    via BitOBear
  • 40
    Stop expecting and start experiencing. Stop imagining future problems. Stop borrowing trouble.
    via BitOBear
  • 41
    You have my personal permission to have a good cat. Have a good time with your cat. And to engage in all of the cat companion activities good and bad that will come about as a result of the existence of this cat.
    via BitOBear
  • 42
    Now give yourself that same permission and you will stop crying. There's a good chance you're crying with relief anyway. If you are unfamiliar with happiness it can be quite terrifying.
    via BitOBear

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