Mom refuses to cancel daughter’s dream wedding venue and lose $20k deposit after sister’s cheating ex proposed to his mistress there: 'Carol says I'm choosing money over her mental health'

Author image for Isabella Penn
Isabella Penn
Aug 28, 2025 3:00 PM EDT

For some brides, the wedding isn't just a day, it'sTHE day they've been dreaming about since they were little girls twirling around in pillowcase veils. By the time the engagement ring hits the finger, many already have Pinterest boards, color palettes, and flower arrangements locked and loaded. 

The wedding industry thrives on this pressure, and it's brutal. Venues are booked months, sometimes years, in advance, and deposits are jaw-droppingly expensive. My best friend is getting married in over a year, and she's already in a full-blown panic that everything good will be gone if she waits another week to secure her vendors. Meanwhile, I can barely plan what I'm doing next Saturday without feeling overwhelmed.

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  • Now imagine finally locking down your dream spot, only to find out your aunt’s cheating ex-fiancé just proposed to his much younger mistress there, and she wasted no time blasting pictures of her shiny new ring all over the beach. 

    That’s exactly what happened in today’s story, where a mom refused to let family drama derail her daughter’s big day. With a $20,000 deposit already on the line, she wasn’t about to cancel the venue, no matter how messy things got.

  • Cheezburger Image 10545486848
    via engin akyurt For Unsplash+

  • "AITA for not changing my daughter's wedding venue even though my sister's husband proposed to his 22-year-old mistress there last month?"

    I (51F) put down a $20K non-refundable deposit on this gorgeous beachfront estate for my daughter, let's call her Amy's (26F), wedding next. September. We booked it 18 months out. For
    via Particular-Wish-1761
  • context, and without revealing too much, it's THE venue in our area, and it has been Amy's dream wedding spot in all of her pinterest boards. Last month, my sister -- let's call her Carol (53F) --
    via Particular-Wish-1761
  • found out her cheating ex-husband -- let's call him Mark (55M) -- proposed to his coworker (28F - she was 22 when they started having an affair) who he had been having an affair with. The woman posted
    via Particular-Wish-1761
  • engagement photos from the same venue... Specifically the beautiful beach area where Amy plans to have her ceremony. Carol is obviously destroyed. She called me
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  • sobbing, begging me to change venues. Says she can't watch Amy get married where Mark proposed to a girl younger than his own daughter. Can't smile for photos on THAT beach.
    via Particular-Wish-1761
  • I feel sick for her. I do. But: $20K non- refundable deposit Save-the-dates already sent
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  • Amy's dreamed of this venue since high school Everything else is booked or 3x the price
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  • I told Carol I can't lose $20K and crush Amy's dreams because Mark is trash. Carol says I'm choosing money over her mental health. That I'm forcing her to relive the worst betrayal of her life for "pretty pictures."
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  • I also talked to Amy about it and she does not want a venue change. That it's not her fault Mark -- who has been out of all out lives for the last 5 years -- ruined that place for Carol. Carol
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  • called Amy a "spoiled brat who wouldn't understand real pain." Now Carol's skipping Thanksgiving. My and carol's side of the family (her daughters and to
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  • Cheezburger Image 10545487616
    via Blake Cheek For Unsplash+

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.


     

  • some extent, my parents) says I'm heartless. The place is cursed anyway, why should we host Amy's big day there. My husband's side of the family says Carol doesn't
    via Particular-Wish-1761
  • get to hijack Amy's wedding because her husband's a cheater. AITA for not switching venues?
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  • tosser9212 "who has been out of all out lives for the last 5 years"
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  • Carol has had five years - it is sad that the wounds are fresh and deep, but it isn't your daughter's issue to repair. NTA
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  • Current-Photo2857 Info: Just to be clear on the timeline here...
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  • You say Mark is the EX husband, and he "has been out of all our lives for the last 5 years"...so they divorced five years ago? Mark proposed just last month?
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  • Sorry Carol, but if you've been divorced for 5 years, you need to not GAF what he's doing now. Why was Carol even checking the mistress's posts?
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  • ScarletNotThatOne NTA. If Carol can't bring herself to go to that spot, that's sad. But that's all it is. There's no need for you to lose your money, or for your daughter to lose the venue she wants.
    via ScarletNotThatOne
  • Adventurous_Fee9311 Nta Carol need therapy. She has been divorced for 5 years. and can't get over it. Then she thinks she has the right to order you and your daughter to change wedding plans.
    via Adventurous_Fee9311
  • Nope. Solution is easy. Carol is uninvited from the wedding. If my sister called my daughter those names because my daughter didn't want to cancel her wedding plan and wanted me to lose $20000 because sister can't move past a 5 year old divorce then I will never have contact with my sister again.
    via Adventurous_Fee9311
  • aurora-leigh NTA. This isn't about your sister or her marriage/divorce.
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  • You should tell her that if anything it's a good way to steal her ex's engagement thunder by having your family host. a gorgeous event there, and you can rinse away the bad associations.
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  • Honestly, if they broke up 5 years ago she probably shouldn't even know the details of the engagement. Stop stalking your exes on social media if you can't handle knowing they're happy!
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  • fingernailchewer NTA. I didn't even really need to go past "20k non- refundable DEPOSIT"-in this economy, I wouldn't let $20 slide let alone 1000x that amount. NTA.
    via fingernailchewer
  • Particular-Wish-1761 OP Update: Carol is willing to pay Amy the $20,000 nonrefundable deposit - essentially paying Amy NOT to host her wedding at that venue (I'm guessing Carol is using her alimony money for this).
    via Particular-Wish-1761
  • Amy is deeply unhappy with Carol. To her, even with the $20,000 being covered, finding a new venue and reorganizing everything would be a huge hassle. I'm on team Amy, but I feel like i'm losing half my family over this.
    via Particular-Wish-1761
  • Timeline clarification: I booked and paid $20,000 nonrefundable deposit for Amy's a dream wedding venue 18 months ago
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  • • Carol's ex-husband had an affair with a woman (who was 22 when it started 5 years ago, now 28) • He just proposed to the mistress a month ago at this same unfortunate venue
    via Particular-Wish-1761

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family drama bride mother mistress parenting wedding cheating aunt deposit sister mom money
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