Couple refuses to cancel trip they've been planning for 6-months, after 70-year-old mother-in-law schedules "non-urgent" surgery for the exact dates, couple claims she's doing it for attention: 'Now there’s pressure on us to cancel'

Author image for Emma Saven
Emma Saven
Aug 28, 2025 2:00 PM EDT

Nothing could ever come between a mother and her little boy, even after he's all grown up, walked down the aisle, and created a picture-perfect family of his own. However, nothing is scarier than a mother-in-law who needs constant attention…and this specific situation could be described as a little bit 'messy'…Calculated? We're not so sure. But complicated? Undeniably!

According to this daughter-in-law, her husband's mother's sudden need for surgery over the exact dates they've booked for their dream overseas trip seems a bit coincidental…Especially because, according to her, the surgery is not "urgent", nor does it have inflexible schedules So, why in the world would she choose to have it over those 2 weeks, without consolidating the couple first and knowing the rest of her extended family is too far out of town (or lazy) to lend a helping hand…How selfish would it be for the couple to refuse to cancel the trip? Because this is either a case of Selfishness vs Manipulation…or vs innocence…

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  • At the end of the day, no one knows their mother better than her own son. So if he thinks that his mother has planned this all along, to ensure they stay with her during her surgery, well then, it must be stamped with the royal seal…But if this surgery is more urgent than expected and they've left her sick and alone…We're not quite sure just how good those gelatos are going to taste …

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    Couple going to the airport with their luggage
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    AITA for not cancelling our long-planned trip because my MIL scheduled surgery at the same time?

    My husband and I have a big trip planned for 5 weeks from now. It's a once-in-a-lifetime type of vacation, 15 days on the other.
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    side of the world, over 27 hours of flights each way. We've been planning and saving for it for over 6 months. Both of us work very
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    stressful jobs and very rarely get the chance to take any time off like this.(never did on the last 12years)
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    My MIL (70) has several health problems. She recently scheduled a complicated surgery for exactly the same time we'll be away. (She
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    knew we were away) We were not consulted about the timing. There's almost no other family around, and the few relatives who
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    live about 40 minutes away either don't drive, have jobs, or simply can't/won't help her during recovery.
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    We don't have the option to reschedule our trip without losing a significant amount of money, and honestly, we suspect she
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    chose these dates partly for attention or to create conflict, there were other possible dates. Now there's pressure on us to
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    Outdoor view of a hospital
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    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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    cancel and be there for her, but we feel that after all the time, money, and energy we put into this trip, and how rarely we get
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    breaks, it's unfair to expect us to change our plans. AITA for deciding to still go on our trip?
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    No-Assignment5538 YTA. You MIL with health issues requires surgery. How much control do you think she has over the date? this isn't like booking a spa day. I have had to have elective surgery a couple of times and I wasn't give a calendar to book off, I was told that it was on X date at X time. You take what date they say or you wait another 6 or 12 or 18 months.
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    Putrid Ad1080 OP This is a private surgeon at a private hospital, where it can be scheduled any week. It's not like a public hospital, where you don't pay and don't get to choose.
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    DisastrousWeb8112 What was her response when you asked why she scheduled the surgery during your planned vacation?
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    Putrid Ad1080 OP She was very offended, said she was in pain, that her health was very important and couldn't wait until later, and that she didn't need any help. But at the same time, she's been postponing the surgery since May. It's not super urgent; she has some pain but goes about her normal life, lives alone, drives, and is "independent".
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    Invisible_Friend1 Nta. She can go to a rehab facility or have home health visits. I'd pretend she deliberately scheduled when you weren't going to be there to save you from the headache of her care, and the worry, and isn't that so sweet, just like her to do.
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    Salty-Mud-4766 I get the family pressure, but no. You're not wrong for going. You planned ahead, gave notice, and she chose those dates anyway. That's not your emergency to fix
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    Cancelling plans in a diary
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    Houseofmonkeys5 You're gone for 15 days. She has 350 other days of the year to choose. This was clearly intentional and you'd be nuts to cancel.
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    Artistic-Sherbert 136 Tell MIL you are going to be out of the country and she needs to look into caregiving options through the hospital rehab dept. and social workers. MIL can easily reschedule an elective surgery and I'm sure that's exactly what she will do when she realizes you are not canceling your trip.
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    jessie 783 NTA do not cancel your trip. Anyone who has an opinion about it just volunteered to help her while you're gone
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    Sufficient You7187 She can hire a nurse. There's literally an entire profession to deal with post surgery care
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    cactirosewater NTA. She assumed you would drop everything, and didn't ask you if you were free. If anyone should reschedule it's her.
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    Interesting-Lie-8942 If you're certain that the surgery could be scheduled for another time, then obviously y'all are NTA.
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schedule family drama date doctor wife booked travelling husband operation mother in law entitled family coincidence planning daughter-in-law paid vacation
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