55-year-old dad reneges on paying his 22-year-old daughter's grad school tuition because his fianceé wants him to pay for their wedding instead: 'He explained when he had agreed he didn’t have a wedding to plan'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Aug 30, 2025 8:00 AM EDT

To pay for your kids' college, or not to pay for your kids' college. For many parents, it's a no-brainer that they'll open a 529 account the moment they know they're going to have a baby and will put every extra penny into it until the day their kid graduates from high school. If a well-to-do family does precisely that, they almost certainly will be able to afford to send their kid to whatever college they want to attend, no matter how costly. 

For less fortunate parents, it's not so simple. Perhaps they weren't in a financial position to save for their child's college funds until their child was in middle school, so they only have enough money to cover a couple of semesters at a state school. Perhaps they had always told their kids that they expected them to achieve exceptional grades in high school, as scholarships were the only way they could afford even a small amount of higher education. Regardless of a family's situation, parents and their children must be on the same page about what they can afford for college and who will pay for it. 

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  • The daughter in this story thought she had the funds for her graduate school education all figured out. After all, her dad literally offered to pay for it, despite her having a plan to work for a couple of years beforehand to save up for it herself. But when he reneged on his offer after she had already signed up for classes, she rightfully felt betrayed. 

  • Cheezburger Image 10548143872
    via Izzy Park

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Am I the bad guy for getting upset my dad won’t pay my tuition?

    I (22 f) have an incredibly privileged life where my father (55m) is well off and helped pay for my siblings educations, covering whatever loans, grants, scholarships, etc didn't. I got the same offer from him. However, I got a full ride for undergrad to a school when I was 17. I didn't
    via u/LowLettuce6564
  • love the school, but I wasn't going to waste my dad's money going to a different university when I had a free option. In undergrad I worked two jobs to make sure I could cover expenses like rent, food, textbooks, etc. and never took a dime from my dad, not that I didn't appreciate his offer.
    via u/LowLettuce6564
  • The field I'm going into requires a clinical doctorate (four years post undergrad), but obviously that's expensive so I was planning on taking a few years off just to work full time and save up. When I mentioned this plan to my dad he said he would cover the cost since I never took money from
    via u/LowLettuce6564
  • him for undergrad. I was hesitant, but he pushed the issue and said that if I wanted to go now, he would cover it. So I applied and got into multiple schools. I took the cheapest option which, even with loans and a graduate assistant position that covered some credit cost, was about $3,000 a semester, with there
    via u/LowLettuce6564
  • being three semesters within a school year. I checked with my dad again to make sure this was okay but he just was so excited and insisted he would pay. I finished the first year no problem, and have signed up for fall classes.
    via u/LowLettuce6564
  • Brown concrete building near green grass field during daytime
    via Steven Cordes

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • My dad asked to meet with me recently while I'm on break for dinner. He told me he proposed to the woman he's been seeing. In full disclosure, me and this woman don't entirely get along and she has never approved of him giving me money for school, which she has taken out on me whenever we're around each other. However, I know she makes
    via u/LowLettuce6564
  • my father happy so of course I was thrilled for him and never expressed anything else at the dinner. We talked for a bit about plans for the wedding and then he off handedly mentioned that, because he would be paying for the wedding, he wouldn't be able to pay for my next year or two of grad school. I was shocked, then
    via u/LowLettuce6564
  • Close up of beautiful floral wedding bouquet
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • upset, expressing that he had said he would pay. He explained when he had agreed he didn't have a wedding to plan and asked why I couldn't just cover my own cost. I said I was planning to pay for my own costs when this all started, and that I was going to save up, and it was his idea for me to go straight from undergrad to grad school. He then got upset and
    via u/LowLettuce6564
  • said I was making his engagement about me, and that I was only acting like this cause | was mad he was "moving on" from my mom (my parents have been divorced for a decade and I don't think I've ever shown signs of being upset when he's dated
    via u/LowLettuce6564
  • other people including who he is seeing currently). I tried to explain that of course I was thrilled for him, but that we had a deal and I changed a lot of my life plans around said agreement, and now he's trying to back track. AITA?
    via u/LowLettuce6564
  • destro23 when he had agreed he didn't have a wedding to plan But, he agreed to a wedding knowing he had his kid's grad school to pay for. He gave his word, he should keep it. If he does not you have every right to be upset.
    via u/destro23
  • megnation But, he agreed to a wedding knowing he had his kid's grad school to pay for. Absolutely this. His first commitment, after insisting despite your plans to cover it yourself, was paying for school then he chose to propose and promise (I'm assuming here) his new fiancé that he'd pay for the wedding.
    via u/megnation
  • Their options should be: 1. Have a court house wedding and wait two years to throw the celebration they want; 2. Wait two years to have the wedding all together (why the rush to do it now?); 3. Have a wedding within his/their means while still paying for your schooling as promised.
    via u/megnation
  • I'm so sorry you're going through this. You can inquire with the school if you're able to take a year or two off and pickup where you left off or consider taking out a low interest student loan to finish it off now. Sometimes schools also have hardship programs and are able to offer internships or reduced tuition when unexpected financial situations occur.
    via u/megnation
  • Whatever you chose to do with your schooling, you should consider going no or low contact with your dad and his new partner. Your dad has shown you that he cannot be relied to keep his word, believe what he is showing you so you don't have to cope when it happen again.
    via u/megnation
  • the_good_witch77 Exactly! He should be talking to his fiancee about his financial commitments. As a full grown adult, I would think that the fiancee would be mature enough to understand that she's marrying a man who has children regardless if said children are adults. Therefore, it's on her to understand his financial commitment to you.
    via u/the_good_witch77
  • Maine302 How wealthy can he be if he can't afford $27k in tuition over 3 years? Edited
    via u/Maine302
  • GFdesserts NTA. You're not upset he won't give you money, you're upset because you changed your plans and made a decision you otherwise would not have made but for the fact that you trusted him and relied upon his promise.
    via u/GFdesserts
  • mapofcuriosity If you can, get your other siblings on your side. It sounds like his fiance is making him choose between her and you. Let him know what a big mistake that would be.
    via u/mapofcuriosity
  • ProfessorDistinct835 NTA. I'm sorry you're dealing with this. Maybe ask him if he can contribute some so you aren't left funding the full $9K. I suspect his soon-to-be-wife is whispering in his ear.
    via u/ProfessorDistinct835
  • Victor-Grimm NTA- I am usually not on the kids side when it comes to college tuition but your dad had made the commitment and is now backing out. Yea I would go scorched earth if he goes through with this. I would even go as far and tell him that if he does then you know it wasn't his discussion. Just leave it there. Don't go to the wedding and if he asks why then tell him well now that I have to pay for college that I have no money to do anything.
    via u/Victor-Grimm
  • scienceislice Also the dad paid for the other kids' tuitions. OP is not asking for $90k a year to go to med school, they are asking for $3k a semester, it is really reasonable especially when it sounds like the dad can afford it. I'd never talk to the dad again if he goes through with this.
    via u/scienceislice

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family drama tuition graduate money problems college students grad school parenting dad family daughter money college fiancee college student Father parents
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