26-year-old moves across the world for fiancé, he refuses to allow her divorce rights to house she helps pay the mortgage for: 'He insisted the house is only his'

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Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Sep 3, 2025 9:00 AM EDT

No loved-up couple wants to think about a potential breakup when they are preparing to tie the knot, but nonetheless, statistics suggest that it is a prudent thing to do. Divorce is not uncommon, and it is often ugly, so having some kind of legal arrangements in place just in case can be a great help if a relationship goes sour. It is understandable that it makes some people uncomfortable, but is a relationship really worth it if you aren't capable of having those awkward conversations?

Sometimes, trying to make prenuptial agreements can prove to be a wise move because it provides evidence that the wedding should not be happening in the first place. They can show the true attitude that somebody has towards sharing their life with another person for better or worse, and the picture it paints will often turn out to be an accurate prediction for the future.

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  • a man and a woman sit together in front of cardboard boxes, the woman holds keys
    via Vitaly Gariev

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • One woman found herself worrying when her fiancé refused to sign a legal agreement that entitled her to a percentage of the house that she was helping him pay the mortgage for. As he had purchased the property before they were married, she otherwise had no legal rights to it.

    She reasoned that this was fair, as she was making a financial contribution and had uprooted her life in South America to live with him in the UK. However, he thought she should not be talking about this issue before they were married and that the property was solely his. She sought further advice. 

  • Fiancé wants me to pay his mortgage without rights?

    Hi everyone, I (26F, from South America) am in a relationship with my fiancé (25M, from the UK). We met two years ago while he was traveling in my country. We fell in love, and to spend more time together I gave up a good job, left my studies and career, and switched to unstable remote work without benefits (healthcare, pension, etc.) so I could visit him on tourist visas.
    via Foreign-Impact-5305
  • After a while, I realized this "nomadic" lifestyle isn't what I want. We talked and-despite some reluctance on his side-we agreed on marriage so we could finally live together in one country. Here's the issue: He owns a house (bought before we met) and is still paying the mortgage. He asked if I would contribute once we're married, and I said yes. I want to work and contribute to our life together.
    via Foreign-Impact-5305
  • The problem is, because the house is premarital property, I'd legally have no rights to it in case of divorce. So basically, he wants me to pay into his mortgage without me ever having a claim to the house. I asked if he'd add me to the deed/title—he said no.
    via Foreign-Impact-5305
  • man and a woman take a selfie together
    via Vitaly Gariev

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • I do understand his perspective: he paid the deposit and has been covering the mortgage for years, so of course he wants to protect his asset. That's why I suggested a Declaration of Trust a legal agreement that would fairly calculate my contributions to the mortgage and what percentage of the property I'd be entitled to if we divorced. For example, if I ended up covering 20% of the mortgage, I'd get 20% of the property's value. To me, that sounds fair.
    via Foreign-Impact-5305
  • He refused. He said it costs too much (around £800). I offered to cover the legal cost myself. He still said no. Instead, he told me that I don't understand how things work in the UK, but he does, and that "a judge would give me part of the house anyway." When I pushed back, he said it was very concerning that I wanted to talk about these things before marriage, and that it's “not appropriate." He added that it makes him feel like I'm just trying to get his money. He insisted the house is his an
    via Foreign-Impact-5305
  • I was shocked. When I calmly insisted that the Declaration of Trust was the fairest option, he got upset and told me that if I want something like that, then I should pay him rent for all the months I've lived in his house as his girlfriend. He also told me I should be grateful that he even has a house and that he can provide for me. (Though honestly, he couldn't actually support a family without me working too.)
    via Foreign-Impact-5305
  • I just stayed quiet after that. I'm still stunned. Honestly, I think what he said was unfair and it makes me question the entire idea of marrying him. So... am I overreacting? Should I really pay towards a mortgage without the security of a Declaration of Trust?
    via Foreign-Impact-5305
  • male female couple talks with a woman with her back to the camera
    via Vitaly Gariev

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

     


     

  • People confirmed to her that this was not a good situation.

    Apprehensive Rain500 I gave up a good job, left my studies and career, and switched to unstable remote work without benefits (healthcare, pension, etc.) so I could visit him on tourist visas.
    via Apprehensive_Rain500
  • GIRL. And he allowed this?? A good man would've told you to stay in school, get your degree, get established. He was okay with you destabilizing your entire life, and doesn't contribute anything to stabilizing it for you. The LEAST he could do is put you on his house, without asking you to pay. You've paid enough. This guy is sucking you dry. Get out now while you're still young and can still go back to school and build your life. You would be crazy to stay.
    via Apprehensive_Rain500
  • Zeal_of_Zebras Wait what? He said you should be grateful he has a house and can support you... But he wants you pay the mortgage??? Make it make sense
    via Zeal_of_Zebras
  • Character-Food-6574 This relationship sounds like you're ruining your entire life for nothing worth having. You gave up a good career, your education and seemingly, your future as a professional for a guy that sounds super not worth it. Get out, go back to school, and continue building your own future. You shouldn't have to self destruct, and pay for a property you'll never have any legal right to. Alone beats this, hands down!!
    via Character-Food-6574
  • Aware-Vegetable83 You gave up your life for someone that reluctantly agreed to (maybe) marry you (sometime in the future. Maybe) and refuses to provide peace of mind and financial security. Girl, you already know what you should do.
    via Aware-Vegetable83
  • Colywog25 You should be talking about money before marriage. The fact he doesn't want to is a red flag.
    via Colywog25
  • Midwest Normal He's not the one for you as he's showing you exactly who he is - a Taker. You can do better. Move on, lesson learned.
    via MidwestNormal
  • Whatever53143 Go back to your country and the job prospects you had before. This guy wants you to pay towards his mortgage but doesn't want to provide you with protection.
    via Whatever53143
  • You can also look at it this way. If you weren't with him you would be paying rent to live somewhere anyway and wouldn't get any money back. However, if the two of you are talking about marriage it's different than a rental agreement. And the fact that you moved for him. This isn't the guy for you!
    via Whatever53143
  • Scintilla230 He manipulates you with his words. Those conversations are crucial before marriage and i wouldnt contribute to something, that if things fail - arent part yours too. -
    via Scintilla230
  • 000ps-Crow_No Either he wants a life partner, or he wants a tenant. He is paying the mortgage if he lives there regardless. It isn't talked about enough, but marriage is also in many respects a business arrangement. Find a partner who wants to build something with you.
    via 000ps-Crow_No
  • Wonderful_Highway629 He's picking a fight he knows will be a deal breaker because he does not want to get married.
    via Wonderful_Highway629
  • Ok_Sock1261 Anyone who says discussing financial matters, children, expectations of division of household labor and/or childcare, basically anything that could affect the marriage before the marriage is inappropriate is a major red flag. And to tell you that you don't understand how things in his country works but his answer is simply to trust him as opposed to finding cold hard facts to educate you is trying to pull a fast one.
    via Ok_Sock1261
  • You said he was reluctant to give up his nomadic ways, that already doesn't bode well for you as a couple when you aren't aligned on what you both want. People tell us who they are. Please believe them. My suggestion would be to look for someone who wants to settle down with you, without reluctance, where you aren't making all the sacrifices (job, healthcare, etc.), that wants you to be a true partner. Best of luck.
    via Ok_Sock1261

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