40+ of the Freshest and Funniest Tweets of the Week (September 6, 2025)

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  • 01
    marc @msnetik Do you think protein wants to be in all these things • 10:23 PM 8/24/25 · 3.1M Views 246 1 17K 161K ☐ 3.5K
  • 02
    Rob Gucci ❤ @heatdaddy69420 What if the Mike from mikes hard lemonade is the same Mike from Jersey Mikes • 6:34 PM 8/23/25 1.1M Views 186 t 1.5K 26K ☐ 530
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    Spura Maluda @AppleMokoena Lactose has lost its meaning t@_ThatoN 1d • I think I am lactose intolerant to chicken I feeling so bloated? 4:05 PM 8/23/25.5.9M Views 412 19K why am 256K 3.2K 企
  • 04
    BASED SAVAGE @crackcobain__ Apartments show you 48 pics of the lobby b ain't living in there 11:14 AM 8/20/25 1.7M Views • 187 1 4.5K 71K ☐ 1K ↑
  • 05
    eva @theladyevaa Getting emotional about the ugly bread UGLY BREAD DISCOUNT Made fresh today, just not so pretty • 1:27 PM 8/16/25 1.5M Views 194 12K 148K ☐ 3.6K 企
  • 06
    tia ✩ @tiadeeznuts not my circus but admittedly those ARE my monkeys • 5:44 PM 8/19/25 2.3K Views 3 27 10 153 ☐ 5
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    mindy @mindyisser my husband spent four days with 9 of his oldest friends. i asked him if there was any news about their marriages, kids, families, jobs, etc. he said no. i asked what they talked about. he said they mostly tried to name every state capital and then every african country 4:13 PM 8/21/25 1.2M Views • 148 1 1.3K 53K 2K ↑
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    Andrew Reed @andrew_reed When it's 10 minutes before a meeting and you open the doc you received three days in advance and get one of these Google Drive You need access Ask for access, or switch to an account with access. Learn more C Message (optional) Request access 5:35 PM 8/20/25 5.1M Views 462 17 7.5K 185K ☐ 5.5K 企
  • 09
    ana @shivlestat the concept of a show taking so long to film 5 seasons that the child lead has gotten engaged, married, and adopted a whole baby in the meantime PORTES Film Updates @FilmUpdates • 8h Millie Bobby Brown via IG This summer, we welcomed our sweet baby girl through adoption. We are beyond excited to embark on this beautiful next chapter of parenthood in both peace and privacy. 1:17 PM 8/21/25 2.7M Views 91 16.9K And then there were 3 141K ☐ 1.9K ↑
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    Jack Profound @godisangryatme Asking the 17 year old stocker if they carry this in a men's XL MILK MONSTER Cat & Jack Cat & Jack Cat & Jack Cat & Jack
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    alex @midsmoker34 Just lost control in barnes and noble 8:11 PM 8/19/25 1.1M Views 115 17.6K 53K ☐
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    wonder. @godsandmortals we all thought of the same person. Daniel Richtman @DanielRPK. 1d What is the worst delivery in cinema history • 5:22 PM 8/19/25 26M Views Q1.2K 1 11K 242K 16K
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    East Village Guy ❤ @eastvillageguy Form a Macedonian Phalanx with 255 of my absolute boys autist @litteralyme0_.5d What's the masculine urge all guys have? 11:35 AM 8/18/25 21M Views . 199 1 2.1K 23K 1.9K 企
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    Oxtail Pricing Specialist ❤ @simsimmaaz Hard ER is absolutely insane Imfaooo pleasantly plump M @flvwLyss. 1d Mikes HardER mango lemonade is 10/10 MIKE'S HARDER LEMONADE A LA MANGUE à 7% alc./vol. Pa mike's HARDER 7% A TOCILA ale/vol. 355 ml
  • 15
    doomer @uncledoomer bro is named "mingus reedus" NEW YORK POST New York Post @nypost. 9h 'The Walking De d' actor Norman Reedus' son, Mingus, arrested for assault in NYC trib.al/ w9bdXQY 3:24 PM 8/23/25 2.2M Views 271 2.9K FAM 78K 2.8K 企
  • 16
    Alton Brown @altonbrown If you want to really get technical about it, a hotdog isn't a sandwich, it's a gyro. 8:03 PM 8/23/25 11K Views 60 2726 271 ☐ 4
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    gwen howerton @kissphoria my friend is a teacher and he said the texas phone ban is working at his school although now he says the kids are all gambling with dice 7:58 PM 8/22/25 1.4M Views 403 2.7K 62K 1.5K 企
  • 18
    Devon Hardware's Wife @thatfrood restaurants should have a menu option called "the rat" that lets you scurry around and eat leftovers ppl wont finish. the waiter could ask guests if they'd like a box or if they'd like to send it "to the rat" 2:26 PM 5/19/25 36K Views . Q 11 17233 1.4K ☐ 57 ↑
  • 19
    bird @oliveegger There is a table full of moms with babies at this restaurant and I keep seeing them periodically turn their babies upside down. What are they doing that for 1:37 PM 8/21/25 9.9M Views . 1K 3.1K 169K ☐ 8K ↑
  • 20
    narancia gaming @naranciagaming what are we doing here man 80 LEVEL @80Level.2d Indiana Jones and the Great Circle will be the first game to feature NVIDIA's RTX Hair technology, which uses spheres instead of triangles to achieve more realistic hair rendering. Arriving in September: 80.lv/articles/nvidi... RTX Hair Off RTX Hair On "Pre-Released Path Tracing Build-4K DLSS on RTX 5090 4:25 AM 8/21/25 6.5M Views 1.6K 1 6.7K 180K ☐ 5.7K ↑
  • 21
    comfy @ihatethiskid Witnessed levels of innovation I had never considered 737-MAXE
  • 22
    KWIK Kwik Trip ❤ @KwikTrip TRIP ✓ never update ✓ logo ever ✓ 12:41 PM 8/22/25 391K Views 194 17 683 16K ☐ 1:
  • 23
    hope hopes hoping @hopes_revenge gf says because we got chinese yesterday we can't get it again today. i don't think that makes sense they do it in china all the time • 1:14 PM 8/22/25 3.3M Views ○ 239 tz 11K 187K 6.6K ↑
  • 24
    Charles @wotancore In the 90's, we used to think of and depict technology as green. Somewhere around 2006, we decided technology was blue. 8:28 AM 8/23/25 4.9M Views 586 4.4K 151K ☐ 8.8K .↑.
  • 25
    Omotolani @FabsTola A job interview is basically a conversation between two lìars. 10:32 AM - 8/23/25 6.2M Views . 513 17 27K 253K ☐ 8.1K
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    Nathan Ruff @TheNathanRuff Turns out if you tell them you are hosting a party instead of a wedding, the cost to rent the venue is 90% less. RUFE 8:33 AM 8/21/25 1.7M Views 88 1.1K 49K 3.7K 企
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    rachel @ANDAMOVIE i love when you're watching a sitcom and you can tell an actor couldn't keep it together, so they just had to use the best take possible 12:45 PM - 8/22/25.72M Views 166 1 1.4K 12K 5K ↑
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    christover @bored2die It's bc you look like a salmon Kim @kimirittoz. 1d look at the scars my cat gave me
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    staid @staidindoors a less established actress would still be lying there Anne Hathalegend @Anne Hathabae. 2d Anne Hathaway falls during filming of DWP2, but as a veteran actress gets up and resumes filming 3:52 PM 8/28/25.2.4M Views 83 17 2.6K 354 112K 2.9K ↑
  • 30
    Oh tommyfromarkansas @tommyarkansas Pop Base @PopBase. 6h Sabrina Carpenter speaks to CBS Mornings about having to universally appeal to the general public: "I'm okay if Tommy from Arkansas doesn't like what I do." 2:12 PM 8/29/25.7.5M Views 248 17 6K MEXICO CANADA UNITED STATES WA ARKANSAS LITTLE ROCK Gulf of Mexico 217K ☐ 4.7K ↑
  • 31
    beth @dayasdear Zendaya you could do the funniest thing ever rn Buzzing Pop @BuzzingPop. 1d Taylor Swift's engagement announcement is now the most-liked post by a living artist in Instagram history, surpassing Zendaya's birthday post for Tom Holland (28 MILLION). 8:49 AM 8/27/25. 15M Views 250 17.8K 269K ☐ 5.2K ↑
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    ems @atotalposer THE NEW YORK TIMES PAYWALLED THE MINI CROSSWORD 5:18 PM 8/27/25 7.3M Views • 1.3K 21K 319K 10K
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    Ben Gilbert @gilbert If you think your app needs more polish, always remember Google shipped Maps without Europe. ACC Acquired Podcast @Acquired FM-9h This is what Google Maps looked like on launch day in 2005. It's uh... missing some countries. Google Maps Maps Maps Local Search Directions Search tel SK NU MB Hudson Bay ON Baffe Sea WA MT NO MN PE OR SO WY A NV UT CO IL IN OH M NH KS MO OK KY TN DE N AR AZ NM TX 2005 Google- Atlantic Ocean PR 10:47 AM 8/27/25 1.1M Views 180 • 171.6K Map data ©2
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    ARDA ÖCAL @Arda I know it's all about Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce right now but this is one of the most well timed sports photographs I've ever seen Ray Giubilo 5:59 PM 8/26/25 2.5M Views 131 1 5.5K 110K ☐ 3.4K ↑
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    subscribe to the state of the lea... onra @JoestarJokic this and a small town where somethings not right averyluna @nectarineavery 4d FBI agent breakfast |
  • 36
    ce regina george @meanlore that prenup is about to be longer than any book travis kelce has ever read 3:37 PM 8/26/25 2.6M Views 271 16.4K 124K 3K ↑
  • 37
    SPORK @SporkGraves Oh okay I'll go f myself then I guess Pelt @peltisan • 3d I feel like we as people need to come up with a 4th utensil • 9:12 PM 8/24/25.5.6M Views 588 15K 230K ☐ 3.6K 企
  • 38
    No @hella_wretched Wild that one of the most pivotal moments of my life was when a drink guy cornered me at a pub in 2014 and said "you talk too fast and always interrupt people" and he was right so I tried not to do that and it completely changed my conversations & thusly my relationships lol 9:06 PM 8/24/25 3.5M Views 234 1 4.4K 186K 10K
  • 39
    Jorden. @getmoneyjord Bill Burr be doing random sh AROUND NFL Around The NFL @AroundThe NFL. 20h Steelers part ways with punter Cameron Johnston, per @RapSheet nfl.com/news/nfl-news-... 5 5:51 PM 8/25/25 4.5M Views 238 16.9K Steden 120K ☐ 1.4K ↑
  • 40
    Dr Sean Travers @seanjetravers Instead of texting ‘on my way' I'm just gonna start sending this 3:44 PM 8/25/25.9.2M Views 580 34K 339K ☐ 27K ↑
  • 41
    Sara Schonfeld @SaraSchon told a guy I was enjoying our conversation on Hinge and he said "glad to know it's mutual" and then unmatched me. flawless game. I will now think about him every time I open the app for the next three years. 6:41 PM 8/25/25 750K Views 152 1354 24K 1K ↑
  • 42
    Eddie @chacaranda My neighbors fly a flag that's just a picture their house

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