'We can’t ever get a cat because of FIL': Couple plans to adopt a rescue in their first home, but MIL issues an allergy ultimatum, igniting a family feud over house rules

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Sarah Brown • Writer and Editor
Sep 5, 2025 6:00 PM EDT

Two pawrents-to-be are about to close on their furst house, excited for independence and the idea of adopting a rescue kitty. During a celebratory dinner, the meowversation shifts when the father-in-law's cat allergies take center stage. What starts as light banter turns serimeows when the mother-in-law says a cat would mean no future visits. That stings, especially since he happily greets neighbor cats outdoors, and it feels odd to hear firm rules about a home that isn't theirs yet.

Gratitude and a defensive tail-flick can coexist. This couple spent years saving while living with parents and are finally ready for purrmission to choose their own companions. Allergies are real, but so is having autonomy. While outdoor chin scratches are not the same as indoor dander, the message lands like someone batting at their boundaries with both paws. 

Their plan is simple and reasonable: adopt after closing, at their address, not the in-laws' place. Feelings are valid on all sides, but it is fair to want whisker-room to build a life together under their own roof, with visitors welcome when everyone can breathe easy.

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  • 01
    'We are once again being dictated what we can and can't do in our own metaphorical home'
    via Michele / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    Long story short, my long term partner and I are in the process of buying our first house. Naturally, we are very excited and have been chatting about all of the things we'll get to do now that we live alone. We are both teachers and in our 20s but have been living with parents to make saving easier. We are so
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  • 03
    SOLD
    via Wavebreakmedia / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 04
    unbelievably grateful and lucky to be able to do this. Both me and my partner LOVE animals, particularly cats and today at dinner I was chatting about a cat that I had seen up for adoption.
    via cosmicdustbunnyy
  • 05
    ADOPT ME
    via esolla / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 06
    My partners parents started talking about how my FIL is allergic to cats. I knew this already but FIL regularly interacts with cats outside (the neighbours cats) so I thought the conversation was a little bit jokey at first. My MIL then turns quite serious and is essentially suggesting that we can't ever get a cat because of FIL - - or if we do that they will never be able to come round.
    via cosmicdustbunnyy
  • 07
    I am extremely grateful for everything they've done but I couldn't help but feeling very protective/exasperated. We finally get to live under our own roof and have freedom to be an independent couple and here we are once again being dictated what we can and can't do in our own metaphorical home.
    via cosmicdustbunnyy
  • 08
    I just feel so frustrated and in an awkward position; MIL then went on to detail how FIL gets extremely asthmatic when cats are in a house and I was too upset/angry to make a reply. Am I the a hle - I really feel so confused :/
    via cosmicdustbunnyy
  • 09
    EDIT FOR CLARITY: I'm talking about adopting said kitty when the purchase of my property is complete no cats will be in in- - laws home :)
    via cosmicdustbunnyy
  • 10
    Minnsxtti NTA, I'm not sure how this would make you a It's your house you can furnish it, bring whatever or whoever inside at your bidding. It does suck that FIL is allergic. However, I'm sure accommodations can be made if he wants to visit. You can go to them!
    via Minnsxtti

  • It's unfortunate that FIL’s allergic, but feelings matter. With a bit of planning and clear boundaries, short visits shouldn’t be off the table. New home, new rhythms, and flexibility can keep everyone comfortable.

  • 11
    KingsRansom79 NTA. MIL is telling on herself. She planned to pop over anytime and treat your home like an extension of theirs. I'd get two cats.
    via KingsRansom79
  • 12
    Antique_Elk7826 NAH You can totally get a cat in your own home. AND they can totally say that for FIL's health he cannot visit your home. Both can be true statements.
    via Antique_Elk7826
  • 13
    And as a person allergic to cats, visiting the home of a cat can cause a much more severe reaction than interacting with a cat out and about.
    via Antique_Elk7826
  • 14
    fbombmom_ NTA. Your house, your cats. Your in-laws are way overstepping by making demands at your house. Unless FIL has offered to pay your mortgage as long as you don't get a cat, then he doesn't get a say about what you do in your own home.
    via fbombmom_

  • Ultimately, it’s your home, your rules. If they aren’t on the mortgage or paying the bills, their preferences don’t get veto power. Build the life you want! 

  • 15
    Novelamia It's your home. You're being considerate of your FIL, but ultimately you and your partner get to make decisions in your own house
    via Novelamia
  • 16
    MoodOk4607 If FIL regularly interacts with cats, this sounds like a MIL problem not a FIL allergy. NTA. Those who pay the rent/mortgage get to make the house rules.
    via MoodOk4607
  • 17
    ChampionshipSa... Many people would be happy to get a pet that keeps the inlaws out of their home. However you feel about them, get the pet!
    via ChampionshipSad1586
  • 18
    Knittingfairy09113 NTA Your FIL won't be living with you and since he can spend time around cats, I dont see an issue. You may want to research things you can do to make it easier for him to visit your home once you get a cat.
    via Knittingfairy09113
  • 19
    PennyProjects This is a personal choice for you and your partner and really NAH.
    via PennyProjects
  • 20
    Your MIL is letting you know they won't visit if there's a cat in the house. If you (and your partner) want to be able to host family dinners, or have them over for any reason, then you may want to rethink getting a cat. If you, and your partner, don't care about having them over and are willing to deal with any hurt feelings about them not being able to visit then get a cat.
    via PennyProjects
  • 21
    For what it's worth, my mom and sister are allergic to cats. They can pet an outdoor cat and be fine, but being in a house for a couple hours with a cat, even if the cat is in another room, leaves them congested and a little puffy and red eyed. This will last for hours after the visit. So they both
    via PennyProjects
  • 22
    generally avoid houses with a cat. This sounds like your FIL is similar with the addition of asthma symptoms. I personally wouldn't want to deal with those symptoms for hours and I think it's totally fair for him to say I'm not visiting if there's a cat.
    via PennyProjects

  • In the end, you have to choose whether a cat is worth fewer in-law visits. You can still visit them, and if FIL’s allergies are severe, it’s reasonable for him to skip your house.

  • 23
    TheRealRedParad... NAH absolutely get a cat if you and your partner have your hearts set in it. But you can't be upset if FIL never visits. There's a big difference between interacting with a car outside and visiting a place where cats live for several hours. No amount of cleaning before they visit will get the dander out of everything.
    via TheRealRedParadox

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family drama pets fight adopted feline argument pawrents Cats rescue
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