Responsible husband refuses his stay-at-home wife's request to buy a new car, after just paying off their mortgage and demanding they save for retirement and kids' college instead, tells her to get a job if she wants the car: ‘She said I was a cheapskate’

Author image for Emma Saven
Emma Saven
Sep 16, 2025 11:00 AM EDT

I can't imagine it's easy having to explain finances to a partner who thinks money still comes from the tooth fairy, but instead of losing teeth, they're losing credit scores…This hardworking husband always provides for his family, and rarely has complaints about his wife's spending habits. She is still a stay-at-home mom despite her kids being in middle school, and during her free time, she took it upon herself to decide they needed a newer car, because the two cars they already own are looking a tad bit 'old'...

However, this financially cautious husband just paid off their mortgage, and believes that the money should be saved towards a greater use, such as their children's college funds or retirement…Let's just say his wife didn't quite love this idea as much as she did the Audi down on 51st street…One thing led to another, and her husband made a passive comment about how if she really wants the car, she should try getting a job to assist in paying for it! 

HA! If we thought she was annoyed before, no wonder she doesn't care about their retirement funds, she's basically been retired for the last 15 years anyway. #can't relate

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  • Now she’s calling him cheap and selfish, despite his having supported her with a smile for over a decade. Is this wife coming across a bit tone-deaf? It seems like a job could be just the thing she needs to come down to earth, especially since he already tried to give her a list of fair compromises, which she rapidly shut down due to its lack of alignment with her ‘I want it, I got it’ attitude. 

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    AITA for telling my wife we aren't getting a new car until she gets a job?

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    We are comfortable financially, mostly because I've always avoided debt and been frugal, we also live in a lcol city, which helps alot.
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    It's true, I mostly garden, hike, bike, read, but I do save up sometimes for big ticket items like a new kindle or scribe, or a new bike.
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    One of our cars is a 2017 and the other is a 2014, we paid for both in cash when we bought them and they've been nothing but reliable.
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    I told her look, I only want what's best for our future, and the kids will be starting college soon and we need to save more for that too,
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    plus maybe once they go to college in a few years we can get a nice used car in cash if we start saving for it now.
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    I feel like I'm the responsible villan and she is the happy go lucky one that has no care in the world.
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    For reference, our income is 140,000 and we are in our mid-30s, she's never held a job because she's always been a sahm, so paying off the mortgage to me is a huge relief,
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    and i want to put that extra money to good use.
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    Safe-Application-273 She's already effectively retired. Why would she much care about early retirement?
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luxuries relationship advice failblog marriage compromise job responsibilities shopping new car out-dated unnecessary get a job finances couples family retirement savings college
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