21-year-old walks out on first date with a guy who refuses to address her dog as “she” instead of an “it”: 'The way people view animals says a LOT about them'

Author image for Ayala Sorotsky
Ayala Sorotsky • Writer and Editor
Sep 17, 2025 10:00 AM EDT

When we adopt a dog, we don't just bring home an animal - we welcome in a family member. A dog might be a loyal best friend, a fluffy child, or even that goofy uncle who always gets into trouble. Whatever role they take on in our households, one thing remains certain: they're not "just pets". They're family through and through, with love and respect owed to them as such.

That's why it can be so frustrating when someone dismisses that bond. To many pawrents, dogs are as important as any relative, but some people refuse to see it. When they disregard that love - or worse, dehumanize our pups by calling them "it" - it stings. Because it's not just about words, it's about whether they respect what matters most to us.

One young woman recently learned that lesson the hard way, while on a first date. Her doggo is undergoing chemo, and instead of showing empathy, her date repeatedly referred to her beloved dog as "it" - even after she asked him not to. That was all the red flag she needed. She wrapped up the night quickly and chose to walk away, standing up for her fluffy family member.

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  • 01
    AIO for dropping my tinder date for calling my dog an "it" ♡ relationship
    via SnooCauliflowers596
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    man and woman on a date, the woman grimaces at the man
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    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 03
    121f have recently started dating again after dealing with being consistently sick for over 2 years. I lost a lot of friends through out that time so I like to look out for red flags early on.
    via SnooCauliflowers596
  • 04
    This was our 1st and we were actually speaking about when is the next time we wanted to meet.
    via SnooCauliflowers596
  • 05
    He asks me can I do next Friday, but I declined because my dog's chemo is on that day.
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    sad dog lying on a rug, a young woman reaches her hand out to pet and comfort the dog
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  • 07
    He told me that he was sorry about the diagnosis and asked me how she was doing.
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  • 08
    It's just every time he referred to her, even after saying my dog is a girl. He just kept saying "it". I asked him to please refer to my dog
    via SnooCauliflowers596
  • 09
    as she/her because she wasn't an it. His response was "it's not a human, what's wrong?" I wrapped that date up so fast and left.
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    woman and a man on a date, the woman looks exasperated, leaning her head on her hand
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  • 11
    Told my friend about it and she said it was a complete overreaction. I don't agree but I'd like other perspectives.
    via SnooCauliflowers596
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    My dog is fighting for her life right now, I feel like she deserves the respect of referring to her with "she/her"
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  • 13
    woman hugs her dog, the dog looks at her loveingly
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  • 14
    Edit: I mentioned me being sick because a lot of my friends dropped me after I became sick due to me not being able to do the same things I did when I wasn't sick. So I look
    via SnooCauliflowers596
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    out for certain empathy related red flags. Also I asked him MULTIPLE times to not refer to her as an "it". He
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    man and woman on a date, the man looks at the woman, but the woman looks away
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    blatantly disregarded what I said and then doubled down and said she wasn't human so what's wrong? Like if
    via SnooCauliflowers596
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    he can't honor a simple request I had then there will be more stuff he will disregard. I'm not dealing with that.
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    obviously_kitten • 1d ago Nahh NTA. Because my pets are like my babies and if someone said "well ITS not a human, what's wrong??" That just tells me
    via obviously_kitten
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    1. He either never grew up with animals or 2. Doesn't love animals or care for them. I would've wrapped it up so fast too. Like don't call my baby and it dude
    via obviously_kitten

  • Judging by the comments, other dog pawrents understood her completely. The online canine community always comes with empathy and support, showing once again that when it comes to our doggos, this community never disappoints.

  • 21
    woman hugs her dog in an outdoor scene
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  • 22
    SnooCauliflowers596 OP 21h ago He has a dog bro when I told him I had insurance for her he said "I could never". Like what??? He has an incredibly well paying job as well. So def the 2nd one ۵18 1 Reply
    via SnooCauliflowers596
  • 23
    obviously_kitten • 19h ago I think the people in the comments don't quite understand the severity of the issue lol. I mean it's not "severe" but you asked him to stop and he wouldn't honor it and your follow up to what I said just proves exactly why I'd stop dating him too. > Reply ...
    via obviously_kitten
  • 24
    SnooCauliflowers 596 OP 11h ago Yeah and this was literally the first date and he repeatedly refused to stop saying "it" like bro. People don't understand that it's also a lack of respect towards me. He can't respect a small pronoun change for an animal I have taken care of and loved for years? No. ✪ 1 ♡ ○ Reply
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    woman hugs her dog, the dog looks happy
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  • 26
    baes_theorem • 1d ago Top 1% Commenter NOR, it's about him not respecting your feelings about it & your explicit request to speak about her the way you'd like also you can stop seeing someone for any reason, esp in the super early stages like this
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    Particular-City6199 • 23h ago NOR, the way people view animals says a LOT about them. ↑ 1♡ > Reply
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    -CharleyCherry- • 1d ago DEFO NOT OVEREACTING! i know others are saying you are but i totally understand where you are coming from. my animals are my babies and while i understand they aren't human, they still deserve respect. i hope your dog is doing well :)
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    Buhos_En_Pantelones • 1d ago You didn't give birth to them and they don't understand gender.
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    • shtthf kp369 1d ago That's irrelevant. It's more about how the person saying "it" comes off than the animal's feelings. "It" is what we call inanimate objects. Animals aren't material possessions. If
    via shtthf*kp369
  • 31
    someone calls animals “it”, I'd argue that indirectly implies that they're not semiconscious creatures in that person's eyes.
    via shtthf*kp369
  • 32
    Some people really connect with animals. Obviously, those people want to associate with others who feel similarly. It doesn't have to matter to everyone, but that doesn't mean that it doesn't matter at all. 23 ◇ Reply
    via shtthf*kp369
  • 33
    aitasunglasses 1d ago • Edited 1d ago Top 1% Commenter If he said it once or twice that's whatever but repeatedly saying that after learning the gender of the animal is weird. Anyway your values probably don't align if he can't show more empathy towards your pet and your grief
    via aitasunglasses
  • 34
    Unfortunately AIO is flooded with people who are entrenched in gender war bulls and the mere fact that you're a woman talking poorly about a man is going to get a certain group of folks always disagreeing with you.
    via aitasunglasses
  • 35
    Some of the men and women here will always side with their own gender regardless of how off-base that person may be. This isn't a good place to ask for legitimate advice regarding dating for this reason. Good luck!
    via aitasunglasses

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first date feud relationship advice dogs drama fight relationships doggos doggo couples cancer relationship feud red flags reddit thread red flag Reddit relationship drama dating
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