'Choices have consequences': Divorced dad plans family vacation, refuses to take 14 and 16-year-old kids because they sided with ex in custody dispute

Author image for Ally Perry
Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Sep 17, 2025 9:00 AM EDT

A parent's relationship status can often have a significant effect on how they choose to parent their children, and this is especially true when they wind up divorcing their co-parent. All of a sudden, they do not just have to deal with the challenge of raising kids, but also trying to succeed in this while respecting the involvement and opinions of a former partner.

If the split is amicable, this can sometimes be a good arrangement that works better for everybody than what was happening before. However, more often than not, that couldn't be further from the truth. Custody battles have a reputation for being bitter, and the fallout can affect children as much as it does parents. For a mom or dad who finds themselves in the middle of such a situation, it is important to maintain the right priorities even in those times when doing so seems like an impossible task.

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  • 01

    Am I wrong for planning international travel without my children?

    a man and woman embrace in front of beachfront properties
    via Curated Lifestyle (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • One dad felt that he was only being fair when, following the resolution of a custody dispute between him and his ex-wife, he excluded his two teenage children from a European vacation he was planning with his new wife, her sister, and some of her friends. He reasoned that it made sense, as both kids had decided to acquiesce to their mom's wishes that they spend more of their time with her.

    Nonetheless, the teens felt it was unfair to leave them out because of this, and criticized their dad as a result. He wanted a second opinion on the decision that he had made.

  • 02
    So here's the reality. I have two kids. They are now 14 and 16. I've had 50/50 since I got divorced, up until a few months ago. 4 years ago, my ex wife got remarried and her husband advised her to start a custody dispute.
    via [deleted]
  • 03
    I spent $165,000 (basically my life savings) fighting for 4 years. For the record, my ex- wife's father is wealthy and paid all her legal fees. (This comes in to play later) The older child told the court appointed therapist "I want to live with mom and only see Dad every other weekend". The younger one just said they wanted to do 50/50.
    via [deleted]
  • 04
    The younger one then changed their mind and said: "Oh maybe 70/30 with Mom. I just want court stuff to be over." I went to trial. My attorney fought like hl, but the judge said: "Given the children's age, their preference will take precedence and we won't split them up, as it break their sibling bond."
    via [deleted]
  • 05
    black and white photo of two girls wearing sunglasses
    via Olivia Hibbins

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 06
    Well, my wife and I have been planning some travel with some of her friends, her sister and their husbands. It includes 9 days in Spain and France. They picked the dates. We got tickets. The kids found out about it and have been asking me: "We want to go. Why can't we go?" I told my children: "This is something we planned. We saved for."
    via [deleted]
  • 07
    They asked if it was an adults only trip. I told them it was not, and their 15 year old cousin was coming. They said it was not fair we couldn't take them as they know we could afford it, and that it would be their only chance to travel internationally.
    via [deleted]
  • 08
    I told them: "You're young adults now. You chose to spend the majority of your time with your mother, and you got what you wanted. But choices have consequences. One of them is that you don't get to join me on things like this." They're both very upset. My younger one said: "You're just mad we have more fun at Mom's house." I'm afraid I'm being an a_h_le here. I'm happy to be wrong. But my gut is telling me what I'm doing is fair.
    via [deleted]
  • 09
    a closeup of a man smiling and stretching his arm
    via Curated Lifestyle (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 10

    Commenters didn't feel that he was making his decision for the right reasons.

    Impossible_Rain_4727 YTA: You made it about their "choice" rather than their unavailability. You could have simply said "Your mother has court-ordered custody over you during the days of the trip. I can't change that". Instead you went the blame route. That is petty and assholish.
    via Impossible_Rain_4727
  • 11
    Don't blame your children for the difficult position you and your ex-wife placed them in. They didn't choose the breakdown of their parent's relationship.
    via Impossible_Rain_4727
  • 12
    gafftaped YTA for how you're handling this. Itd be fine to go without the children but the way you're handling it is incredibly petty. Youre only pushing your kids away more.
    via gafftaped
  • 13
    Naive_Pay_7066 I mean, if your goal is to further alienate your kids and worsen your relationship with them, nice work. You don't give any insight into why the kids wanted less time with you - they may have had valid reasons. With the limited info provided it's currently reading as YTA.
    via Naive_Pay_7066
  • 14
    affictionitis Wow. So instead of examining your relationship with your children (14 and 16 are not "young adults") and maybe using this trip to strengthen your bond with them/repair any damage, you're getting petty revenge? I'm starting to see why they chose Mom. YTA.
    via affictionitis
  • 15
    Bubbly_Chicken_9358 It feels like you're trying to punish your kids for the custody battle with your ex. It is entirely up to you whether you invite them on this trip or not, but it feels like cutting off your nose to spite your face.
    via Bubbly_Chicken_9358
  • 16
    You spent your life savings because you wanted more parenting time. Now you have the opportunity to get more parenting time by taking them on a once- in-a-lifetime trip, and you're saying no... why? To make sure they know you're angry? You say in your explanation for why you may be the AH "Because I may be unintentionally treating my children definitely based on how they have treated me.".
    via Bubbly_Chicken_9358
  • 17
    First, your treatment of them is not 'unintentional'. You are angry and hurt and lashing out at them, which is, frankly, unfair. They are children. Your job is to be the adult. You are not doing that job very well.
    via Bubbly_Chicken_9358
  • 18
    Second, their treatment of you, I'm assuming, is your oldest saying they would prefer an every-other-weekend schedule, and that hurts you. Have you talked to them about it? Do you know why they made that choice? Or are you just pouting about it? Again, you are neither parenting them very well in this nor setting a good example for how adults behave.
    via Bubbly_Chicken_9358
  • 19
    This trip is going to be something your children remember for the rest of their lives. You get to decide how they remember it. They can either remember it as when Dad took them on an international trip and made great memories with them, or they can remember it as that time dad threw a temper tantrum over the custody schedule and went on a trip without them. ΥΤΑ.
    via Bubbly_Chicken_9358
  • 20
    rebcl You spent your life savings but can afford to travel with your kids internationally? YTA and this story doesn't line up
    via rebcl
  • 21
    Current Echo3140 LL F them kids, amirite??? That's what they get for loving their MOM and not wanting to live with their loving and emotionally mature father (rich, btw)
    via Current_Echo3140
  • 22
    drgrouchy YTA. You're taking out your animosity against your ex-wife out on your kids. Double a hole.
    via drgrouchy
  • 23
    Icy-Willingness-8892 YTA - how is a cousin going? You are basically using the trip as a way to hurt your children for living with their mother. It's obvious that they have been the target of this kind of behavior before and didn't want to deal with an immature parent on top of everything else.
    via Icy-Willingness-8892

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