'I'm not obligated to accept unknown guests': Relatives protest when 25-year-old proposes changing door code after he asks them to petsit and they allow friends to stay

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Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Sep 19, 2025 12:00 PM EDT

Having your own place is great in a lot of ways. You can decorate how you want, come and go whenever you please, and never have to be annoyed waiting for the kitchen or bathroom to be freed up so you can do your thing. It is a level of freedom that most people can't get enough of when they experience it for the first time.

One of the only drawbacks is that sometimes, other people feel entitled to take advantage of that freedom, too. Friends and family members can make the assumption that because somebody lives alone, their home is the perfect place to stay, whether the person who lives there likes it or not. While may be happy to be generous in this way if they are consulted beforehand, it is not something that should be sprung upon an individual with no prior consultation. It is important that they have a say in who gets access to their personal space.

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  • In this story, a man faced opposition from his relatives after they took advantage of having access to his door code to allow their friends and acquaintances to stay at his apartment while he was away. He had let them know the code so that they could pet sit, and didn't find out that he had guests until he returned from a trip and found unknown people in his home.

    After this happened twice, he thought it would be a good idea to change the code. However, his family wasn't happy about this and accused him of being stingy. He wanted to know if he was in the wrong.

  • a man looks over his shoulder as he shuts a door
    via Brock Wegner (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Would I be wrong for changing the door code after relatives kept letting extra people crash at my place while I was out of town?

    I'm 25M; I own a small condo and share the smart lock code with two relatives for pet checks. Twice now I've come home from trips to find extra people crashing. air mattresses out, towels used, and my pantry dented,
    via angelberryq
  • a man naps on a couch
    via Sandra Seitamaa (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • because my relatives helped a friend by handing out my code. I told them codes are for emergencies and pet care, not hosting. They said I'm being stingy since I wasn't even there. I said I'm changing the code, logging access, and anyone who needs in can coordinate directly with me.
    via angelberryq
  • I'm not obligated to accept unknown guests, missing items, or wear and tear because someone treats my place like a community center. Changing the code restores control and accountability, which is basic home security. WIBTA?
    via angelberryq
  • close up of a door with a digital lock
    via Point Normal (Unsplash+)

  • Commenters confirmed that he wasn't the one with a problem.

    nerd_is_a_verb The fact you are debating whether preventing squatters from using your home is justified is extremely concerning for your mental health. Please go to therapy. It is obviously insane to keep letting people bring random strangers into your home without your permission.
    via nerd_is_a_verb
  • Echo-Azure FFS change the code! If they get hurt in your home, you could be legally liable for the injury, even if you didn't invite them in! It's not just the wear and tear on your belongings and the very real possibility of theft, having strange people in your home could actually land you in legal trouble.
    via Echo-Azure
  • k23_k23 YWNBTA you waited far too long to do that.
    via k23_k23
  • Comfortable-Hat8162 Find someone else to watch your pets.
    via Comfortable-Hat8162
  • appleblossom 1962 Forgive me if I come across as ride, but why the h I would you need to ask a bunch of random strangers if we think you should change your code so that strangers won't be in your house? Why not just leave the door open and let any random person come in, of course, not that wouldn't be logical. What wasn't logical was that you didn't change the code the first time somebody let somebody else into your home. Grow up.
    via appleblossom1962
  • National-Plastic8691 change code now. don't share. stop arguing with users
    via National-Plastic8691
  • nitro 1432 Change the code it's not their condo and I doubt they would be happy if you returned the favor in their house.
    via nitro1432
  • john35093509 NTA. You need to find other pet sitters.
    via john35093509
  • use_your_smarts YWNBTA. What kind of walkover are you that you haven't already? They're letting people STAY AT YOUR HOME WITHOUT YOUR PERMISSION whilst you're not there. That's restraining order territory, not changing the code territory. Those people could steal from you, have an accident you're liable for, void your insurance... etc etc. Why does nobody on Reddit have a spine?
    via use_your_smarts
  • VegetableBusiness897 Change the code, but get a professional sitter instead of these entitled disrespectful Aholes
    via VegetableBusiness897
  • spankmonkey12 Screw their entitlement. They need to be excluded. Find other pet feeders
    via spankmonkey12
  • Still-Welcome3985 They might have turned your place into Airbnb and have been making money from your absences. It was a great idea that you changed the code!
    via Still-Welcome3985
  • Jane-Austen-101 NTA-just pay for a pet sitter! It's safer, and likely cheaper with the food they eat and things they use and break
    via Jane-Austen-101
  • Icy-Doctor23 Absolutely NTA Too bad you don't have the keys to their place that you can give to friends so that they can go and crash make a dent in their pantries
    via Icy-Doctor23
  • Nearly_Pointless Seems definitely less costly to hire a pet sitter than to trust your family. JFC, their nerve and entitlement is shocking to me. I can't imagine treating any of my family's homes a my own.
    via Nearly_Pointless

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Tags

relatives petsitting guests aita family trip reddit thread Reddit condo petsitter entitled people apartment
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