Dad and stepmother insist 17-year-old son and 16-year-old daughter cut ties with dad's ex-girlfriend, with whom they have a deep connection: 'Me and my sister never got close to [my stepmother] like we did [with dad's ex-girlfriend]'

Not a single one of us can possibly determine the course that our lives will take.

As a kid, we imagine that life will pan out in a pretty straightforward way, but even without all the twists and turns in the road that life will actually take, you'd hardly be able to see up and over that horizon in the far-off distance. Even if our life largely follows a mostly predictable path, there will always be chance encounters, moments, and decisions that we never could have possibly anticipated. Joyous moments of love and celebration or tragic moments of heartbreak and loss will tear us right off that path we were on, no matter how set we were upon it.

Relationships that we form along the way will take shape we couldn't have possibly predicted—and who is to say who will or won't come to be near and dear to us. 

For these children, after the tragic loss of their mother, they found love and comfort from their father's new girlfriend, something that is surprising considering we usually see quite the opposite happening in these situations. But the girlfriend treated the kids with a unique approach that endeared her to the kids; she didn't seek to replace their mother, simply to provide an alternative sort of loving comfort and support. This, of course, fostered a strong bond between the kids and their father's girlfriend in a time of need.

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  • Eventually, their dad and the girlfriend broke up, but the kids remained endeared to her. Their dad met, and then married the kids' stepmother, who this now 17-year-old still refers to as his "dad's wife" despite the fact that she had been in their family for almost a decade. But the stepmother took the opposite approach of the girlfriend, seeking to be a mother to them in a way they found off-putting and insisting on validation for a relationship that hadn't had time to take root. Because of this, the kids never grew close to her and held her at arm's length. This and the resulting bad feelings, along with the stepmother's jealousy of the kids' mother, only deepened the void between them.
     

  • 01

    [Am I wrong] for being in touch with my dad's ex girlfriend knowing it would hurt my dad's wife and make her jealous because I liked his ex but not her?

    A mature woman in a dark red dress stands with two teenagers
    via Omar Lopez

    The image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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  • 02
    My mom dad when I (17m) was 6 and my sister (16f) was 5. We went to grief therapy while mom was still alive and for 6 months after she dⓇ d. Mom was sick so it was something we were all being prepared for. Us and dad (48m). 18 months after mom d d dad started dating Macey (44f) and it took us a while to warm up to her but we liked her and got close to her in a non-motherly type of way. She never tried being our mom or anything like that. She was like a responsible friend. My dad dated her for tw
    via Estasyuus
  • 03
    Me and my sister never got close to Trish like we did Macey. Trish had a way different approach and wanted to mother us. She never tried to be our friend and it made us dislike her. Macey used to ask us about mom but Trish would get jealous of mom mentions and she said it felt like we were comparing her to mom and it wasn't fair because she was her own person. But the only way for her not to feel like that was to hide our mom and treat Trish like we loved her.
    via Estasyuus
  • 04
    Trish was sad that we only used photos with mom when asked for family photos in school. Or that my sister used a photo of the four of us before mom dad for her mood board in her room. Trish would ask my sister to include the first photo we took with her and dad. She'd ask us to include a photo with her in school stuff and not such an old photo. Dad told my sister adding Trish to the board would make her feel better about things.
    via Estasyuus
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  • 05
    Trish asked frequently if we loved her and dad had to interrupt and change the subject because we could never say yes and mean it. She asked us if we'd like to do a family bonding ceremony at her and dad's wedding and we said no. When our aunt was pregnant my sister went to one of the appointments with her to see the babies. When Trish was pregnant with her and dad's kid she wanted to include us both in a scan but I didn't want to be involved in anyone's scan and my sister didn't want to be ther
    via Estasyuus
  • 06
    We talked it out when Trish was 6 months pregnant and it hurt her when we told her she wasn't our new mom and we didn't want her to be. She wanted to know what she could do to make us reconsider and cried when we said nothing. She told us she felt like she would always be in mom's shadow if she was just Trish. Dad said we could all work on it together but we never did.
    via Estasyuus
  • 07
    Our other aunt (dad's sister) and Trish got into a fight just after Trish gave birth. Our aunt ended up telling Trish that we liked Macey a lot and had no problem after a few months of knowing her so maybe she needed to get over herself. Trish got really upset and jealous that we'd liked dad's ex but weren't bonding with her.
    via Estasyuus
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  • 08
    We found a sorta normal after a few years. Trish focuses on our half sibling mostly, but still makes a point to ask if we love her and tells us she wants to be our mom, and we don't pretend that we love Trish or see her as our mom. Dad takes care of most parentey stuff for us. But then Trish saw Macey and my sister DMing each other and she found out we were both in touch with Macey. It happened last
    via Estasyuus
  • 09
    year when she came up as a follow option on my account. I knew Trish would be hurt and jealous so I never told dad or her and my sister didn't either. But they're saying out of loyalty for Trish we shouldn't have reached out to Macey at all. But I have none for Trish and I know my sister feels the same. She annoys me with all her pushiness, with the unwillingness to accept she'll never be our mom and because she's so needy about it all too.
    via Estasyuus
  • 10
    My dad told me he knew that I knew how Trish would feel. He said after all these years and a half sibling from her we should be loyal enough to her to let Macey go. I said I liked Macey and missed her and it wasn't like I was inviting her over to be all for her in front of Trish. He said it wasn't the point because Trish knows we wouldn't do the same for her. AITA?
    via Estasyuus
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  • 11
    A mature woman in a dark red dress stands with two teenagers
    via Omar Lopez

    The image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 12
    Scared-Molasses-5336 NTA. Grief doesn't always stop because you've had therapy and it sounds like Macey helped you and your sister to still grieve your mom, she allowed you to have your feelings about your mom, talk about her, share things about her, and even asked about her. Why would you and your sister wanna get rid of someone who was supportive during that time?? Dad needs to back off, new stepmom needs to realize she can't force these things on you and your sister and the more they both try
    via Estasyuus
  • 13
    iknowsomethings2 NTA. You need therapy with your dad and your sister. Your dad is pushing you both away and he'll wonder why you never visit when you turn 18 and move out. Your dad needs to get his head out of his , it's not a hat
    via Estasyuus
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  • 14
    R de-Royal-5043 NTA- your dad brought someone into your life that you formed a genuine bond with. If he had really wanted you and your sister to bond with Trish he would have been having discussions with her in her expectations and respecting what you and your sister wanted in regards to building a relationship with her.
    via Estasyuus
  • 15
    I could understand the discomfort for your dad and Trish in the sense this is an ex however, you're not inviting her over family dinners. If anything your dad should be happy that you and your sister have another form of support system even if it isn't his wife.
    via Estasyuus
  • 16
    As for Trish she wanted what she wanted and doesn't appear to ever have taken yours or your sisters feelings into consideration. She can be hurt all she wants but she created this environment and lack of relationship.
    via Estasyuus
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Babies family dynamics teens family drama stepmother aita AITAH kids ex girlfriend teenagers blended family siblings stepchild moms family feud parenting family pregnant reddit thread parent raising kids Parenting Fail half siblings parents children
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