'I was shocked': Kind person who rescued an unneutered adult tuxedo stray cat refuses to give it back after his previous owner makes a 'lost cat' post on Facebook 9 months later, because the cat has bonded with her and her other cat

Author image for Mariel Ruvinsky
Mariel Ruvinsky • Writer and Editor
Sep 27, 2025 10:00 AM EDT

Our cat running away, getting lost, that's one of our worst nightmares when it comes to our cats. We know our cats. We know how spoiled our cats are. We know that they have gotten to the point that they are too lazy to run around after flies. They would not survive out there on their own. So, we keep them as safe as we can and hope that they will not disappear on us one day. So, we can understand the pain of this cat owner and their daughter. A lost cat is one of the most heartbreaking things in the world.

But this cat was not simply lost. This cat was not being taken care of far before it as ever lost. Unneutered, unchipped, with tapeworms and a whole bunch of other things, when this person found this cat, there was no indication that it had ever been a housecat before. So, very kindly, they adopted it, and now, nine months later, when a 'lost cat' poster showed up on Facebook with this cat's picture on it, they don't want to give the cat back. 

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  • 01

    "[Am I wrong] for not giving the stray cat I found back to his original owner"

    picture of a tuxedo cat on a green rug
    via Unsplash / Payam Moin Afshari - panevesht

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    So a feral cat colony lives in my neighborhood, and I often trap them to be spayed/neutered. In December 2024 I trapped an adult tuxedo cat. I was planning on neutering and releasing him but he was so loving.
    via ApartmentMobile1299
  • 03
    I brought him inside for a flea bath and he would not stop hugging me. Like literally putting both arms around my neck. After taking him to the vet I saw he wasn't neutered or microchipped and had tapeworms. I assumed he was a friendly stray who lived in the colony and kept him.
    via ApartmentMobile1299
  • 04
    Fast forward nine months and a friend sent me a Facebook post on a local community page of a woman claiming she was missing her cat. A picture showed a male tuxedo and she even said he loved to give HUGS. I knew it was him because he has a distinct white spot in the middle of his forehead.
    via ApartmentMobile1299
  • 05
    I was shocked. She said she knew it was a long shot since he went missing in December but she was not aware of the lost pet Facebook page, only the local shelter who was not much help since he never made it there... he made it in my house instead.
    via ApartmentMobile1299
  • 06
    I feel so guilty because she is probably thinking the worst happened to him. I wish I could tell her that he's safe, but I know if I did she would want him back. My friend thinks giving him back is the right thing to do but he has the best home with me and has bonded with my cat and I.
    via ApartmentMobile1299
  • 07
    In the ladies post she said her four yr old daughter misses him and that he was their beloved outdoor/indoor cat. I truly feel. bad for the owner's daughter, however the woman does not sound like a good cat owner. It is not legal in our city to let your cats roam and it is extremely dangerous for them.
    via ApartmentMobile1299
  • 08
    Also, he was in bad condition and not neutered so I think it's very irresponsible she was letting him outside to reproduce and expand the colony near our homes. He is just so happy with me and I would hate for him to end up missing/de d as a part time outdoor cat. So, am I the a hle for pretending like I never saw the post?
    via ApartmentMobile1299
  • 09
    EDIT: a lot of people are wondering why I didn't make more of an effort to contact the owners. Looking back I probably should have. In addition to the things I've already stated, he was infested with fleas, had scratches all over his face and ears, did not understand how to use stairs, and was terrified of my tv.
    via ApartmentMobile1299
  • 10
    His poor condition, slight under- socialization, and unfamiliarity with common household things led me to believe he did not have owners
    via ApartmentMobile1299
  • 11
    picture of a tuxedo cat with its paws crossed
    via Unsplash / Karin Kim - karinkim

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • You did the right thing saving this cat, the kindest thing that you could possibly do, and he is so, so lucky to be with you. We understand the guilt you feel, but considering the condition of the cat from before, we don't think that there is any reason for you to reach out and possibly be put in a position of having to give him back. 

  • 12
    stillrooted ⚫ 23h ago NTA. If he was indoor/outdoor and unaltered he wasn't their beloved pet, he was their negligently supervised roommate.
    via stillrooted
  • 13
    JuniorNeedleworker24 ⚫ 21h ago i was thinking the same thing. it sks for the kid, yeah, but if you're not spaying/neutering and letting your cat roam then someone else having to clean up that mess isn't fair. i found that setting boundaries w/ myself like "my pets never go unsupervised outside" keeps me sane.
    via JuniorNeedleworker24
  • 14
    emwestfall23 • 18h ago this. also, it's a good lesson for the daughter. if she's very affected by losing this "beloved" cat, then maybe she'll learn not to let beloved cats outside.
    via emwestfall23
  • 15
    ApartmentMobile1299 OP • 15h ago I do agree with that. Growing up I lived on a farm and had 5+ of our indoor/outdoor cats get hit by cars on the road and di. One of them simply never came back and I still wonder about her 15 years later. I NEVER let my cats outside anymore and take it very seriously. I always making sure doors are latched/knowing where they are before leaving/closing all windows if I'm not in the same room because they can and will pop the screen out
    via ApartmentMobile1299
  • 16
    picture of a tuxedo cat sitting
    via Unsplash / Mark Stenglein - markstenglein

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Nine months is a long time to put up lost cat posters. And while they were in contact with the shelter, that's not enough. Not enough effort was put into finding this cat by its owner, and that is simply one more red flag on top of a bunch of other ones. 

  • 17
    MsMeiriona ⚫ 22h ago • Illegally free roaming, unaltered and unchipped? Functionality, that cat was abandoned. NTA, obviously
    via MsMeiriona
  • 18
    Camille Yun ⚫ 22h ago • oooh... an ADULT male, un-neutered, with tapeworms, missing in December, found and vet treated in December... nuh uh. Do not engage. eta: NTA
    via CamilleYun
  • 19
    picture of a tuxedo kitten
    via Unsplash / Milada Vigerova

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 20
    Educational-Lime-393 • 23h ago NTA-if they actually loved the cat and had the inclination and capacity to look after him he wouldn't have been in such a state when you found him. Owners who don't meet basic veterinary needs or have a pet microchiped shouldn't be responsible for an animal's life and welfare.
    via Educational-Lime-393
  • 21
    I-cant-hug-every-cat • 23h ago NTA. It's not about them, it's about the cat and he is better with you. Microchip him
    via I-cant-hug-every-cat

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