‘If you want such a big and expensive wedding, YOU should pay for it then!’: Family criticizes bride’s DIY Halloween wedding plans, but she stands her ground and tells them they should pay for it themselves

Author image for Etai Eshet
Etai Eshet • Editor
Sep 24, 2025 2:00 PM EDT

Wedding planning is basically a spectator sport for families who think tradition means going broke just to keep grandma from sending more links to venues and dresses fit for a royal summit. You line up a mellow Halloween party with thrifted decor and cheap potluck catering, only for the older relatives to blow up your phone with expensive suggestions and high drama because apparently, anything less than a five-figure white wedding means you skipped the "real bride" memo.

The best part is nobody's offering to pay, just to weigh in. It's like every text is a passive-aggressive bid to control your big day without chipping in a single dollar, and suddenly saying "if you want it, you pay for it" is bigger news than the actual wedding.

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  • AITA for telling my family that if they want to decide stuff in my wedding they have to pay for it?

    Cheezburger Image 10556888064
    via Khrystyna Shynkaruk

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Throwaway account becaus emy family knows my main. Sorry for any errors as english is not my first language.
    via Ok_Wind_7912
  • So I (28F) and my parther (30M) will get married next year. Neither of us was ever into big weddings or traditional ones, and we don't really want to spend so much money on a type of party we wouldn't enjoy.
    via Ok_Wind_7912

  • The whole thing turns into a reality show when you push back, sudden silence, then cries of betrayal, missed calls, relatives inventing new reasons why your wedding is an existential crisis for the family. They want a fairytale, you want to keep your savings and actually enjoy the party.

  • So we decide that, since Halloween is out favourite holidday and we always throw a Halloween party every year for our friends, to save up some money so we can have a Halloween wedding party in 2026 (since doing this year is too close already) I have most of it planned out already.
    via Ok_Wind_7912
  • For the venue I contacted a friend of a friend who own an amazing villa around 40min outside our city, where my friend group threw some parties and events already; we agreed on a price (that for a place like that is super low) with the agreement that we'd leave it perfectly clean and tidied up.
    via Ok_Wind_7912
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    via Nicoleta Ionescu

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • We won't inviting many people, just immediate family and close friends, and already agreed to a potluck style of catering, while I'll take care of all decors (I have plenty of Halloween decors already, and will get more this October).
    via Ok_Wind_7912
  • My dress will be a 300$ dress I already ordered and will customise to my liking.
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  • We don't plan on having a photographer, as a friend of my future husband is one and will take a handful of pretty posed photos as a favour and wedding gift, and the rest will be up to our phones.
    via Ok_Wind_7912
  • I won't have a bridal party nor a bridal shower, while my bachelorette party will likely be a house party among girls or a pajama party with cake and movies.
    via Ok_Wind_7912
  • My younger sister, since we live very close, will be my MOH and help me out, but I don't expect huge financial contribution for her nor anyone else.
    via Ok_Wind_7912
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    via Pavlo Melnyk

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • In total, I don't expect all this to cost more than 2- 3k, including paying everyone back for the food and everything.
    via Ok_Wind_7912
  • All I asked of the for now potential attendees is to find tasteful Halloween outfits for next year and not the cheap looking ones you can find in stores around Halloween.
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  • For example a black dress, a pointy hat and some makeup are perfectly fine for a witch outfit.
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  • My friend are ECSTATIC for this party. All this to show how I (and my partner too) have already everything more or less already planned out.
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  • Cue to my family, mostly on my father's side. There was never the "sat ic panic" about my love for Halloween and creepy stuff, but it was also barely tolerated.
    via Ok_Wind_7912
  • When I announced the theme of the wedding, I immediately got complains about the theme. Then the amount of guests.
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  • And location. And everything basically. Ever since then my grandma, bless her soul, has started sending me TONS of links on whatsapp of EXPENSIVE and more importantly TRADITIONAL wedding related things, from showcases of expensive venues (one was over 20k for one day) to wedding gresses that are definitely not my style, to a portfolio of a local wedding photographer who IS pretty good but also way out of our budget.
    via Ok_Wind_7912
  • My grandma was the main source of this assault but other family members contributed. Last evening, at a family dinner, I asked her to stop sending us links and everything, because we had already decided pretty much everything for our wedding, and also we didn't want to spend too much, as we preferred to put extra money in a nice honeymoon in Japan rather than one single party we don't care about.
    via Ok_Wind_7912
  • She started complaining how absurd a Halloween themed party is, how it's improper, how weddings should always be celebrated in a church (our wedding will not be a religious one), how crazy it is, that the family agrees with her and so on.
    via Ok_Wind_7912
  • Mind you, she isn't spending a single penny on the wedding. I told her "Well we don't want to spend too much on our wedding, we prefer saving money for a nice honeymoon" and she replied with "Well but weddigs are expensive, they need to have the white gown and flowers and a big venue, or they're not true weddings" with the focus on "true", implying that mine isn't a true wedding without all these things.
    via Ok_Wind_7912
  • I always try to be nice to her, she's old and everything. But this time I couldn't stop myself so I replied "if you and your side of the family want such a big and expensive wedding, YOU should pay for it then!" The whole room froze in silence, you could hear a pin drop.
    via Ok_Wind_7912
  • Then the mess started. People talking over each other, screaming, some crying even, the "how dare you demand that!", to the point me and my partner left and went home. This morning I woke up to multiple missed calls and text messages claiming I was ride to make that remakrk and that she
    via Ok_Wind_7912
  • only wants what's best for me, that she wants to be involved in a wedding of a female family member since she hever had daughters and likely won't be alive when and if my little sister gets married and so on and so forth, but I'm firm on my ground about what WE want for OUR wedding.
    via Ok_Wind_7912

  • At the end of the day, it’s your call, your budget, and your happiness on the line. Nobody owes their second cousin’s vision board an apology, and if grandma wants a big church wedding, she can write the checks or enjoy the show from her favorite chair. The snacks will be better and you get your honeymoon, all without burning through a house deposit for the sake of family optics.

  • So, was I the AH for telling my family that if they want me to have a big, lavish, really espensive wedding, they should pay for it?
    via Ok_Wind_7912
  • Mountain-Radish272 NTA. That was a nice burn by the way. True that they prefer their opinions over yours when it is your wedding. Would it be a nice prank if someone dressed up as a devil if you go along with their plans? Just for halloween...
    via Mountain-Radish272
  • OP OK_Wind_7912 I would totally LOVE it, ngl X°D
    via Ok_Wind_7912
  • bopperbopper I'm cool with you having a Halloween wedding and a small wedding and everything but do not make it potluck... do not make people bring food to your wedding.
    via bopperbopper
  • OP OK_Wind_7912 Well I'm not \*making\* my friend bring food, it's just what we do every time we hang out together for dinner and don't get takeaway, same with my family for holidays, everyone always bring something and we always end up having so much leftovers and having to eat them for half a week... We kinda already all agreed on this, and as nobody in the group is swimming in money, it's pretty much the wedding gift.
    via Ok_Wind_7912
  • Appropriate-Round-77 Dear Grandma, I was not demanding that you pay for my wedding. I simply stated that if a large traditional wedding was the order of the day, you can step up and pay for the party that you want. My future husband and I do not want the wedding that you are envisioning and are therefore not prepared to pay for it. Being entirely honest, even if you had offered to pay for such a wedding off your own back we would have thanked you but declined as it does not fit with what is comf
    via Appropriate-Round-77
  • DazzlingPotion NTA in any way, shape or form. You are 100% correct.
    via DazzlingPotion
  • Proud_Mistake_4686 My daughter told me her wedding they want her in a black dress and him in a white tux, and they also want a theme "enchanted forest". I said I can hardly wait!!! It's going to be magical, because it's what YOU WANT! Also she said I would be wearing a forest green flowy dress! Honey, from one mom on the internet - good for you! Do what you have invisioned for your special day! And congratulations! (Also, this is me giving you a hug and a forehead kiss in having the best idea ev
    via Proud_Mistake_4686
  • madpiratebippy My wedding was on Friday the 13th in October and was Halloween themed, I highly recommend it and to not let your grandma play Barbie dream wedding with your money. NTA. You want a marriage and a cheap affordable wedding that is about you and your partner's taste. She wants something about her to show off to her friends.
    via madpiratebippy
  • Appropriate_Storm1 NTA. Weddings should be about celebrating the love and commitment between two people. They should be done in a way that highlights each unique relationship between the couple and their life with each other. That is what a TRUE wedding is. Tell your family to kick rocks.
    via Appropriate_Storm1
  • Nsr444 Remind her that after this 'fake' wedding there will be a very real (or true) marriage, where your priorities lie. Have fun next year!
    via Nsr444
  • Marguerite Moonstone Actual practicing witch here. I think your party sounds absolutely amazing and no one can tell you your "doing it wrong" so long as you're married after. Go forth and have your fabulous Halloween party with exactly the people who are thrilled to be included. Also, grab all those early November Halloween decor sales!
    via Marguerite Moonstone

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family drama inheritance brother mother tradition siblings family feud favoritism wedding aunt in laws mother in law sister fiancé grandmother Father
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