12-year-old enrolls in advanced math class, aunt demands she be removed as it makes her cousin feel insecure: 'Her son feels inferior'

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Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Sep 25, 2025 9:00 AM EDT

Going to school can prove challenging enough as a kid without the added stress of having a relative at that same school as well. It can open up the potential for all sorts of annoying scenarios, like teachers always calling you the same name as your older sibling, or getting teased because one of your parents works there. Even while it is completely normal for children who are related to one another to attend the same school, not all of them are going to be happy about it.

One way in which kids can feel the pressure is if they assume that they are being compared academically to their family members. Being related to one another doesn't necessarily mean that you have the same strengths or are going to excel in the same ways. It can leave some feeling insecure if they go to school with a relative who achieves more than they do.

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  • One mom found herself dealing with this unfortunate scenario when her 12-year-old daughter tested high enough to get into the advanced math class at school, but her same-age cousin didn't. Her sister-in-law protested that, because he felt “inferior” about not getting into the class, she should pull her daughter from the class also. The mom felt this was ridiculous, but some of her family members felt that keeping the peace in the family should be the priority. She wanted validation that she was in the right.

  • Am I wrong for refusing to take my daughter out of advanced math because her cousin feels 'left behind'?

    a girl stands in front of a blackboard with calculations on it
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • My daughter (12F) tested into an advanced math class at school. She loves it and is thriving. My SIL recently called me saying her son (12M, same grade) feels "inferior" because he didn't get in. She asked me to "do the right thing" and request my daughter be moved back into the regular class so the cousins can stay on the same level.
    via Necessary_Sock_7738
  • a woman points to calculations on a blackboard
    via Kateryna Hliznitsova (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • I told her that's ridiculous, my daughter shouldn't have to sacrifice her education to soothe her cousin's feelings. SIL accused me of "teaching arrogance" and "valuing academics over family." Even my MIL chimed in, saying "siblings and cousins should rise together, not apart."
    via Necessary_Sock_7738
  • Now my husband is worried this will cause a family rift. I feel like they're punishing my kid for succeeding. AITA for refusing to pull her from advanced math?
    via Necessary_Sock_7738
  • a boy wearing a cap sits on a bike
    via Lerie Cavia

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Commenters agreed that the girl should stay in the class.

    Pristine-Payment If your daughter enters a top-tier university and her cousin enters a community university, would your daughter have to study at the community university?
    via Pristine-Payment
  • perroblanco NTA. Do not tolerate this for a second. Do not tolerate it from your husband ESPECIALLY.
    via perroblanco
  • ErisianSaint NTA. They're asking your daughter to shrink herself so their son can feel bigger. Maybe he should just do the work instead.
    via ErisianSaint
  • Ok-Needleworker3966 I would be laughing in their face
    via Ok-Needleworker3966
  • MairinRedOak Do not punish your daughter by forcing her to drop to a lower level class. I was in an advanced math class yesterday (substitute teaching is my "I failed retirement" job). There were 14 girls and 7 boys in that class. When I was in school, girls were not supposed to be good at math. That idea was drilled into us and it's
    via MairinRedOak
  • ridiculous. I am very happy to see young women competing and thriving in traditionally male fields. Why is it that women are always held responsible for men's feelings? Dress codes for girls are stricter because "boys get distracted". Why don't the parents hire a tutor for the cousin. We all rise together doesn't mean pulling others down.
    via MairinRedOak
  • Suspicious_Ratio_557 This is actually an excellent parent teaching moment for your SIL to teach the cousin: 1. Raise each other up in a family. Jealousy is not a good look. 2. You need to work hard if you want to be as good as Op's daughter (seek to catch up not to drag down others)
    via Suspicious_Ratio_557
  • 3. Maybe maths is not your strength- let's work out what yours is and where you are brighter and shine more than others (but learn not to brag!)
    via Suspicious_Ratio_557
  • bellegroves NTA and they should mind their business. Get him a tutor if he wants to try to catch up, but there's nothing wrong with studying where you're at.
    via bellegroves
  • Weekly_Barnacle_485 "Valuing academics over family"? I would do that every time.
    via Weekly_Barnacle_485
  • Available_Intern425 NTA, don't shrink your daughter down to make your family feel bigger
    via Available_Intern425
  • KSknitter All I can think is ? Are they going to make them be in the same clubs in high school? If he gets into football, are they going to say, "Sorry, your cousin didn't get in, so you can't play?"... of course not. This is BS, and you know it. NTA
    via KSknitter
  • celticmusebooks Tell your SIL (and MIL) that the boy's light won't shine brighter by dimming your daughter's light. They need to help the cousin understand that everyone has their area where they excel and math is that area for your daughter.
    via celticmusebooks
  • THIS is the hill to di on. PLEASE do not teach your daughter that men are so fragile she must hide herself to make them feel better about themselves. MOST men are NOT fragile and are capable of celebrating the achievements of others. BE VERY CLEAR with your husband that this is a hill any good parent would be willing to di on and if he's suggesting that his daughter needs to be shut down in favor of his nephew that says something about his parenting.
    via celticmusebooks
  • Contact the school and let them know that your daughter is to stay in the advanced class and if anyone tries to have her removed they are to contact you IMMEDIATELY.
    via celticmusebooks
  • mcmurrml Bet they would not do it if the tables were turned.
    via mcmurrml

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family drama aita school students middle school parenting sister in law aunt dad family reddit thread Reddit mom math
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