Mom refuses to pick up her ex-husband's 8-year-old affair baby from school while picking up her 8-year-old son: 'My ex's daughter was there until 7 because I refused to pick her up'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Sep 29, 2025 8:00 PM EDT

A lot of divorced parents don't want anything to do with their exes' "other family," and I don't begrudge them for that. If the divorce was amicable and a parent is involved in their children's half-siblings' or step-siblings' lives, that's all well and good. As long as they can do that without resenting the kids they are interacting with on a day-to-day basis, it can be a healthy arrangement. However, the majority of divorces are not all rainbows and sunshine, and adults who do not want to interact with children they can't help but resent may be the healthier option. It's better not to interact with your ex-husband's affair baby because you know you cannot look at her without thinking about his betrayal. It's not the kids' fault that they were born under such circumstances, so it's probably better that they are protected from the hostile glance of adults who resent their existence. 

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  • The mom in this story does not want to take on a maternal role in the life of her husband's 8-year-old daughter. He cheated on her when she was pregnant, so now her 8-year-old son and his daughter are in the same school together. When he failed to pick up both kids one day, she picked up their son and refused to pick up his daughter. 

  • A woman standing next to a little boy
    via Andrej Lišakov (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Am I wrong for not picking up my ex's daughter from school when I picked up our son?

    Ex cheated on me when I was pregnant with our son (8) and because of this he has a daughter (8) with his affair partner, now wife. We are not on good terms and I do not have a relationship with my ex's daughter. I have never spoken a word to her or spent any significant time in her presence. Ex and I split custody (50-50) of our son.
    via u/Yazzimonnnon
  • Two weeks ago I got a call from the school during his custody time stating nobody had picked our son up from school and asking if I would. When I got to the school my ex's daughter was also there and the teacher was with her. She told me I was on the approved list for pick up for ex's daughter and would I take both kids. I said no and I told her I did
    via u/Yazzimonnnon
  • not want to be on the list as I would never pick the other child up from school. She told me she would pass the word along and it would be taken care of and I had to call to follow up on this. My ex never told me he or his wife added me to the authorized pickup list for his daughter.
    via u/Yazzimonnnon
  • A young girl sitting in the passenger seat of a car
    via Kateryna Hliznitsova (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • When he realized I had not picked up his daughter with our son he was furious. He asked me how I could leave her behind when I would have our son unplanned anyway. I told him via our parenting app that I picked up our son as I would always do if needed but his daughter is not my child and I will not be their emergency school pickup.
    via u/Yazzimonnnon
  • According to him my ex's daughter was there until 7 because I refused to pick her up with our son. She's a child and I understand that's not ideal. I don't feel bad per say but I wonder if I would be considered an a hole for being unwilling to do it this once? This is not
    via u/Yazzimonnnon
  • something I want to be a regular thing and it's the first time it ever happened. Ex's wife was apparently delayed out of town and ex was working. AITA?
    via u/Yazzimonnnon
  • A man wearing headphones sitting in front of a computer
    via Flipsnack

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Trailsya According to him my ex's daughter was there until 7 because I refused to pick her up with our son. Eh no? This was not BECAUSE of you. He should have gone himself.
    via u/Trailsya
  • mishney Exactly. Daughter was there because HE didn't pick her up. Clearly he thinks OP is a pushover. Imagine putting your ex as emergency pickup for your affair baby, the audacity.
    via u/mishney
  • 13surgeries Imagine not picking up your daughter AND not calling the school OR the person you hope would pick her up. Also, I think he's probably lying about the daughter being stranded at school until 7 PM. By that time, schools in my district would have already called the police and CPS.
    via u/13surgeries
  • Catnaps4ladydax Yeah a freaking heads up, "hey, I know it's not ideal but because you are my son's mother I put you on the pickup list for my daughter. I'm having an emergency and can't pick them up. Can you please please please pick them both up and drop them at XYZ. I will owe you a huge favor. I'm so sorry to ask this of you and I really appreciate you considering it "
    via u/Catnaps4ladydax
  • It's not that hard to actually ask a favor, then OP wouldn't have been blindsided by it and could've said yes this ONE time and communicated it again through the parent app. When I do the school paperwork I go down the list and put in everyone we might call in an emergency. I tell them that they're on the list. (My BFF,my husband's BFF, my parents, his mom, before my sister moved away she was on the list, and his sister and sister in law) I know sometimes you need to put down 3 people and only h
    via u/Catnaps4ladydax
  • z00k33per0304 She was there until 7 because BOTH of her parents chose to ignore multiple calls from the school and make other arrangements. Self centered and self serving people will take a mile when they shouldn't have been given an inch. This taught them that shock and horror they can't expect someone they betrayed to do them any favors.
    via u/z00k33per0304
  • They didn't even ask you they assumed you'd be a doormat which is something beyond audacity given the situation of that kids conception. If the shoe were on the other foot I'd be willing to bet money that man would have done the exact same thing. It's easy to point fingers when you're not the one who was betrayed.
    via u/z00k33per0304
  • metta4u67 He must have a VERY i.portany job to be sooo busy as not to be able to even pick up a phone, or return a call for more than 5 hours. What kind of work could he be doing that would require him to have his phone off while his wife is on a business trip and his kids at school...hmmmm Wonder when his next affair baby will be born....
    via u/metta4u67
  • TheWacoFogey NTA. They added you to the list without asking you first? The AUDACITY, especially considering the circumstances of the divorce. "Ex was working," eh? Then he can jolly well leave work to handle his own responsibilities rather than saddle you with them. Invite them to kiss both sides of your a and grow the F up.
    via u/TheWacoFogey
  • Yazzimonnnon OP I was blown away when she told me. Why me? And did they seriously want their daughter left in my care or think I'd want her in my care. It's the way neither of them answered calls from the school either. That's why I was contacted to begin with. It's all documented anyway but I'm hoping they don't try to add me back onto her pickup list.
    via u/Yazzimonnnon
  • FunStorm6487 If you did it once, they would expect it again
    via u/FunStorm6487
  • Jenahaltanin Was "working late" the excuse he gave OP when he was cheating on her? Because I don't believe for a microsecond that leopards change their spots. And if a scumbag like that had left MY child at school so he could fool around with a new side piece, there would be fury.
    via u/Jenahaltanin
  • TheWaco Fogey HMMMM... and would explain why he didn't answer the phone, too.
    via u/TheWacoFogey
  • jrm1102 NTA - I feel bad for that other kid but thats not your responsibility at all Also, him not picking up your kid... thats bad. Make sure you document that in case you need to rework custody.
    via u/jrm1102
  • Yazzimonnnon OP It's all documented and our discussion via the app has added to it.
    via u/Yazzimonnnon
  • Different-Leather359 Yeah taking her could have made things really messy. Like what if he signed you in as an approved adult but her mom didn't? Or if anything happened to her? Or even setting the precedent that he can shove his responsibilities onto you isn't ok unless it's something you're willing to deal with.
    via u/Different-Leather359

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affair baby school elementary school affairs school pickup kids crazy things parents say affair bad parenting parenting ex husband mom Parenting Fail Parenting FAILS wife
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