24-year-old, eldest of 12 siblings, refuses to pay for her sister’s college tuition and moves out after their mother pressures her to give up her savings on top of paying rent: ‘That was the last straw’

Author image for Etai Eshet
Etai Eshet • Editor
Oct 13, 2025 5:00 PM EDT

Growing up in a family big enough to form its own soccer league means your wallet never gets a day off. Getting through college and coming home should feel like a breather, but it morphs into a running tab where every bill and every college dream comes with your name at the top. Suddenly, your savings are public news, and mom starts giving side-eye any time you buy a coffee or check your bank app. You start out just chipping in for rent, then get cast as the family's personal ATM.

Oldest sibling duty in a household this size gets treated like a full-time gig, but nobody seems to want to pay for it. Any cash you squirrel away turns into a reason for everyone to sigh and start listing bills out loud at dinner. When someone needs tuition, you're expected to just sign the check like it's your life's purpose.

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  • AITAH for not paying my sister's college tuition?

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  • That slow burn builds, and before you know it, you’re being blamed for everything from empty fridges to spoiled college dreams. The guilt trip is endless, and one day packing up and bouncing for a little peace is the only option left. If paying your siblings’ tuition were in the job description, maybe they’d at least offer health insurance. Some families think love is measured by how much you give up. Sometimes walking out is the only way not to go broke trying.

  • I 24F live w my parents and my siblings. I come from a HUGEEE family. Like I literally have 11 siblings, but 3 are step siblings from my dad's side.
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  • The issue here is that I am the eldest. I moved out when I went to a community college and lived in the dorms while working part time.
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  • After graduating I couldn't really afford to live by myself so I moved back to our house.
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  • Since then I give my mom a part of my salary as payment for 'rent' and we were all okay with the set up.
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  • 2000
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  • The issue started after a year of me coming home, she acted like I had responsibility to raise my siblings and offer them financial help when I was fkn struggling bro.
    via CapableRisk1144
  • I love my siblings but my mom wanted me to give up my whole salary for groceries, bills and etc.
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  • I grew up poor so l was so happy with being able to save for myself and I even planned on saving up to move out.
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  • One time I was checking my banking apps over dinner and she saw the amount of money I had there when I got up to get smth.
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  • She then kept bringing up bills ALL the time. One time she slipped saying why can't I give more when I had this amount in my account.
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  • Cheezburger Image 10563385088
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  • That's when I knew about it. She then told that to my siblings saying we wouldn't be poor if their sister(me) wasn't so greedy.
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  • I just let it slide because I was so tired that time. The last straw was when she asked me if I could pay for my sister's college fees, my mom had been encouraging her to take med.
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  • I told her I am not in the situation to do that because | really could not even with my savings.
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  • She then went to my sister telling her "you can't go to college, your sister doesn't want you to" I was fuming mad that time.
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  • I packed my bags and left to stay at a friend's apartment while I look for a place to move to.
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  • I love my siblings but there was this hatred that formed. It was like parental alienation but with siblings instead of another parent.
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  • I don't know what to do I want to get my siblings out of that situation as well but I cannot yet
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  • sanki4489 They are not your responsibilities. Your parents should do the rest.
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  • OP CapableRisk1144 I know but there is still this guilt inside me. I was once in their situation too.
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  • Chefnick500 Where does it become your problem to pay for your SIBLINGS education? Not your college not your students ...
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  • OP CapableRisk1144 When I think of it that way then they are not my responsibility as I was able to go to college and land a well paying job w out anyone's assistance, but my mom would always say they are my sisters and brothers and they did not have the privilege of getting scholarships and pass and get to a community college. So as a sister, she would always emphasize that part, I should help them or they will be end up as crackheads w nothing ahead of them. She is the parent tho, she should b
    via CapableRisk1144
  • DescriptionFew6118 Nta. It's her job to parent her kids, not yours. Stand firm.
    via DescriptionFew6118
  • LudaKrisG ABSOLUTELY not TA. As the eldest child, you are not your sibling's parent, and are not responsible for their tuition. I'm so sorry your mother put you in that position.
    via LudaKrisG
  • Lovebug-1055 You need to tell your Mother that she needs help mentally! How could she be so cruel to you and her children. Her words hurt everyone in the family.
    via Lovebug-1055
  • Delicious-Cat1544 That's insane how parents can guilt trip their own kid for surviving. You're not their wallet, and you owe no one an apology for leaving.
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  • NTA Doggedart You were able to go college without a sibling paying for you, and so can your siblings. The best way to help them is to show that it can be done - get your own place and show them how someone from poverty can improve their life. Be a role model.
    via Doggedart
  • Tiny_Incident_2876 Time to move out, your mother will use you for your money and will take it all
    via Tiny_Incident_2876
  • Odd_Tea4945 The one who has the children is the one responsible for their upbringing, period I do get you want the best for them, they are your siblings, but there's so much you can do because you're not a millionaire. if you were and refused to pay, I might think your a little AH (because again, it's not your responsibility), but it happens you're not, you went back home to save to live independently, pay rent and your mother wants ALL Who paid for your college, BTW? Before leaving I hope you t
    via Odd_Tea4945

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family drama inheritance brother mother tradition siblings family feud favoritism wedding aunt in laws mother in law sister fiancé grandmother Father
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