Parents spend every cent of 23-year-old daughter's $1400 graduation gift from her grandmother, refuse to give it back to her: 'Your father committed breach of trust'

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Oct 15, 2025 10:00 AM EDT

There are a lot of ways that people try to "justify" theft, and most of them don't make sense. Especially if it's interpersonal. If your friend took $20 out of your wallet without telling you, you might forgive them if they had a good reason, but it was still wrong to do so in the first place. Maybe you feel like there's an imbalance between the two parties that justifies it, but that's a tricky path to walk down. Even more so if it's within the context of your own family. 

What would you do if your parents tried to steal money from you? Is it justified because they've spent so much money on raising you, or should it still be treated like theft? Those are the questions that came up in this story, when a young woman came into some money via a graduation gift. Gifts are generally accepted as transfers of property. There are no takesies-backsies, and you generally get to do with that gift what you please. But when she tried to make use of it, her parents had already taken it. 

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  • A young woman stands in front of a building.
    via Hongwei FAN

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • She wondered if it was her fault for asking for it back, or their fault for keeping the money for their own use. There was the whole question of who paid for her higher education, after all. Scroll on to see what happened in this story and make up your own mind. 

  • Am I in the wrong for getting mad at my parents for using the money my grandma gave me for graduation?

    I (23 F) have just graduated from university. I've always had a close relationship with my grandma and she has given me roughly $1.4k (converted to USD) upon graduation as a gift. As she isn't really good with tech, she gave my dad cash. My dad said he'll keep it in his account for the time being.
    via u/Aggravating-Oil2918
  • Yesterday I asked for the money as I had something I wanted to buy. My dad told me he has spent it and has nothing to give me atm. I know $1.4k isn't a large sum of money but I currently have no income so it would really help me rn. And what pisses me off the most is that he didn't even think of asking me before using my money. I had a huge fight with my parents but they think I'm being
    via u/Aggravating-Oil2918
  • ungrateful as they've spent most of the money on me anyways (living expenses, education etc.) Right now I feel like my trust has been broken by the two people I trusted the most. AITA?? UPDATE: Thanks to everyone that replied and gave me advice! I just wanted to add some context and provide an update.
    via u/Aggravating-Oil2918
  • 1. I used to study abroad so since I have graduated now, I am currently staying at home with my parents, which makes things a lot more complicated. 2. Many of you advised me to tell my grandma about this, which I did. But she isn't bothered by it as my parents claimed that all the money went to paying for my education etc.
    via u/Aggravating-Oil2918
  • 3. I demanded to have less than a third of the money returned by tomorrow. My dad said he had no money, and if he had to pay me, he would have to sell his last gold bar. 4. I'm applying for masters this year, and my parents were gonna sponsor me. But now, my dad is threatening not to do so anymore since I'm demanding my money back.
    via u/Aggravating-Oil2918
  • Also, I'm from an Asian country, where being "filial" is highly important, so I don't know if that changes the context. I'm also wondering if I can take out a student loan in the US as a foreign students to pay for my tuition if my dad does withdraw his offer?
    via u/Aggravating-Oil2918

  • Commenters chimed in with their takes.

    Infamous-Project-365 · 8h ago NTA. Tell your grandma your dad stole your graduation gift.
    via u/Infamous-Project-365
  • A pair of parents stare out into a body of water.
    via AIII YOOOO

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • Knickknockers • 8h ago . Go over dad's head and tell grandma. I bet she will have some thoughts about how the money was used. NTA.
    via u/Knickknockers
  • • DogsReading Books 8h ago NTA. Your dad stole from you. Of course you're NTA.
    via u/DogsReadingBooks
  • . death_by_chocolate 8h ago NTA. $1400 ain't chicken feed. Not where I'm from.
    via u/death_by_chocolate
  • Mediocre_Ant_437 · 7h ago • Let your dad know that he has 10 days to return it even if he has to get a loan to cover it. Let your grandma know what he has down so there will be pressure there to make good on it.
    via u/Mediocre_Ant_437
  • Individual_Ad_9213 8h ago • NTA. Your parents quite literally stole your grandmother's graduation gift from you.
    via u/Individual_Ad_9213
  • RedRunner04 · 8h ago • NTA. Your father committed breach of trust, which is a literal crime in a lot of places.
    via u/RedRunner04
  • OldBoyShenanigans · 8h ago . NTA. But I would tell him that you want it by xxx date and no later. Have you by any chance told Grandma yet? I wonder if she'll give him the kick up the arse he needs.
    via u/OldBoyShenanigans
  • 21plankton • 7h ago Talk to your grandmother. Your parents clearly have financial problems. Your parents are now defending themselves and gaslighting but have lost your trust.
    via u/21plankton
  • ThisWill AgeWell • 8h ago NTA. Your dad STOLE from you. I disagree with you that $1400 USD isn't a large sum of money. It's a lot. I had a huge fight with my parents but they think I'm being ungrateful as they've spent most of the money on me anyways (living expenses, education etc.)
    via u/ThisWillAgeWell
  • No. Nonononononoooooo. They are wrong. You did not ask to be born; they have an obligation to provide you with the necessities of life. It does not entitle them to help themselves forever to any cash gifts you receive. You owe them nothing financially.
    via u/ThisWillAgeWell
  • I have no idea whether you are ever going to succeed in getting this money back from your parents. Given the spurious justification they've put forward, I suspect they have no intention of giving it back. All you can do now is decide how you want to handle this.
    via u/ThisWillAgeWell
  • If it were me, I'd say "You have 24 hours to hand it back, or I'm going to the police." (It would help if your grandma could provide a statement to the police saying she handed over the cash to your dad in trust for you.) But you may not want to do that, if you need to continue living with them or if you think
    via u/ThisWillAgeWell
  • the family relationship is worth preserving. (Heaven knows why. I don't want to be nice and friendly and loving towards a thief. And if I lived with him, I'd be making plans to move out.) In any case, you now know that you can never trust your parents again. Open your own bank account (at 23, you should have had one already) and deposit any cash gifts in there.
    via u/ThisWillAgeWell
  • JenninMiami 7h ago NTA I'd tell your grandma that your dad stole every single cent she gave you. Not because she'll give you more money, but so that she knows to tell him to fuck off if he ever asks her for money for anything.
    via u/JenninMiami
  • mu5tbetheone .7h ago NTA. It was never their money to spend. Disgusting behaviour.
    via u/mu5tbetheone
  • JulsTiger10 .7h ago NTA Tell grandma! Dad didn't have to use your money. What would he have done if it hadn't been there?
    via u/JulsTiger10
  • LHPSU 6h ago Edited 6h ago . Your dad certainly should have informed you, but I want to give some perspective for people who say parents are obliged to provide the necessities of life and education. University is often not part of that obligation, and graduate school most certainly isn't.
    via u/LHPSU
  • OP said she studied abroad and she seems to be talking about the US by default, so I'm assuming she went to university there. As an international student, that's roughly $160k USD in tuition alone, $240k USD when living and other expenses are included. For self-funded master's degree, add another $100k USD in tuition alone.
    via u/LHPSU
  • Now, I don't know how your parents plan on funding your master's studies if your dad only has a single gold bar to his name so I assume that part's just hyperbole. However, in most countries your parents weren't really obliged to fund your university studies, and they're certainly not obliged to fund your master's. Most people who go to
    via u/LHPSU
  • graduate school are expected to be independent adults and either fund it from their own savings, or get an assistantship which usually comes with a tuition waiver and stipend. ESH. What your dad did is still really disrespectful, but $1.4k is absolutely spare change compared to the amount of
    via u/LHPSU
  • money that you were planning to ask him for. You're raising hell over $1.4k while simultaneously planning to ask your parents to give you another $100k, for a luxury that parents are generally not expected to have to pay for. By all means, distance yourself from your family if you want, but you shouldn't be asking for any more free money.
    via u/LHPSU
  • 3littlepixies • 7h ago Isn't that theft? Can you file a police report? Tell dad he has 7 days to repay you or you're pressing charges. NTA
    via u/3littlepixies
  • • Pretend-Gap9156 · 8h ago NTA. Understandably, you're upset, the money was meant as a personal gift to celebrate your achievement. Your parents may have good intentions, but using it without asking breaks trust. You're not ungrateful for wanting what was given to you.
    via u/Pretend-Gap9156

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