20-year-old kitchen worker tells her 40-year-old coworker that she's not surprised his wife divorced him over his online gaming obsession, sparks disagreement dividing the workplace: 'She wanted him to spend time with her instead of playing video games'

A blunt comment about her 40-year-old married coworker's MMO gaming obsession landed this young 20-year-old worker right in the middle of a workplace controversy. 

Before you even get to the part of this story where the young worker mentions that she works in a kitchen, you just know that it's either going to be a restaurant with a young server and an older line cook or some other sort of working kitchen. Whichever one it was going to be, you just knew that there was a kitchen and kitchen staff involved. Everything about this account of events has the fingerprints of that upon it. 

And while there might not be anything untoward going on, there is always the possibility, as some have pointed out, that the relationship could be a little weird. And, yes, this is coming from a past of firsthand experience. 

At any rate, when a 20-year-old coworker whom you consider to be a friend is calling you, a 40-year-old, out for your immaturity, you should probably take that on board. But it speaks to that same immaturity to then go and make what was a private, personal conversation into a workplace issue. 

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Author image for Brad Dickson Brad Dickson
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  • 01

    "I've worked at this job since i was 16 and this coworker has become my closest work friend"

    A younger woman and an older man work together in a restaurant kitchen
    via Getty Images For Unsplash+

    The image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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  • The fact that the manager didn't even blink, again, screams kitchen to me here. It does beg the question, though… when do the personal interpersonal relationships of staff become an issue? At what point does a personal issue between two staff members who have a relationship outside of work become a workplace problem?

    The answer here is certainly “when it starts affecting the workplace.” But, while in most workplaces, the transfer of personal issues into the workplace is a serious issue, in a kitchen, it's kind of a given. And, well, let's just say that this wouldn't even clock the radar of most kitchen or restaurant managers, given what is usually going on. The manager is probably just glad that this disagreement is the worst personal staff issue they're dealing with at this given moment.

    When it comes to coworkers, you should always stay professional and refrain from brutal honesty when it comes to their personal matters. But, when it comes to friendships, sometimes you need your friends to tell it to you like it is and get you to pull your head in.

  • 02

    "AITA for telling my coworker I'm not surprised his wife divorced him."

    (20f) was recently told by my coworker (40m) that he and his wife (37f) were getting divorced for context they had just gotten married last year after dating his wife for 10 years. I've worked at this job since i was 16 and this coworker has become my closest work friend so i was first to know of the engagement and now of the divorce.
    via Unique-Macaroon4749
  • 03

    "We bonded over our shared love of video games"

    Cheezburger Image 10564254208
    via Getty Images For Unsplash+

    The image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 04
    we bonded over our shared love of videogames (this is relevant i swear). we both played a lot of games and would talk about the ones we love the most. in the time I've know him he's loved final fantasy 14, which is an online game you play with other people. he talked about this game and the people he would hang out with in the game constantly, talking about the hours he spends playing it every day.
    via Unique-Macaroon4749
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  • 05
    shortly after he and his wife had gotten married he started complaining about her and her neediness. when i asked about it he would say she wanted him to spend time with her instead of playing video games. i had told him at the time that he should be making time for his wife but he ignored me. over the next year he was constantly complaining about
    via Unique-Macaroon4749
  • 06
    her and her "neediness" and i would suggest taking some time off of his game to hangout with her but my idea was always shutdown. eventually i got fed up with him and asked him to stop bringing it up with me and he did for about 2 months. that's when he told me about her asking for a divorce. I casually mentioned that i
    via Unique-Macaroon4749
  • 07
    wasn't surprised that she was divorcing him seeing as he loved final fantasy more than her. i didn't really think before i spoke and just said what i had been thinking every time he brought up his relationship problems. he was shocked at my response and seemed taken aback. i continued saying all you ever talk about are videogames and every thing you ever told me about your wife was negative.
    via Unique-Macaroon4749
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  • 08
    he got very upset with me and complained about it too our other coworkers and our boss. we work in a kitchen with only about 10 staff members so it wasn't too long before everybody knew about what i said. our boss stayed out of it, not seeing my comment as bad
    via Unique-Macaroon4749
  • 09
    enough to warrant any kind of action. Some of my coworkers around my age who also frequently talked with this coworker took my side wile the older ones took his. it has divided the kitchen staff and has made it uncomfortable to work with some of my coworkers who think I'm in the wrong.
    via Unique-Macaroon4749
  • 10
    So, AITAH for saying i wasn't surprised about my coworkers divorce?
    via Unique-Macaroon4749
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  • 11
    A young woman and an older man have a serious discussion in the kitchen where they work
    via Getty Images For Unsplash+

    The image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 12
    OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: I told my coworker I wasn't surprised he and his wife are getting divorced. My coworker thinks I'm in the wrong for being rude about his divorce, but I think I was just pointing out the obvious. I could have worded it better but think I was right
    via Unique-Macaroon4749
  • 13
    Tofulish... NTA - why is a 40 year old dropping all his relationship drama on a 20 year old? Was he hoping to get with you if he complained enough? And he's been your closest friend at work since you were 16? That's just all kinds of ick
    via Unique-Macaroon4749
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  • 14
    He is 40 years old and acting like a petulant child and going to tell on you because he didn't like what you said. I'd limit all my interactions with him because he doesn't take your advice and then narcs on you.
    via Unique-Macaroon4749
  • 15
    You told the truth - he was a shitty husband and his wife left because she deserves better than someone who doesn't meet her needs and complains about her. Sounds like they dated for 10 years and she hoped marriage would cure him and make him a decent partner and it didn't. OMG how is this man 40 years old?
    via Unique-Macaroon4749
  • 16
    ReadMeDrMemory NTA. You nailed it. The only mystery is why, after 10 years dating, she didn't realize his first love was FFXIV. Isn't the point of dating to learn things like that?
    via Unique-Macaroon4749
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