Narcissistic mother-in-law wonders why daughter-in-law has been avoiding her for 2.5 months: '[Son] felt I was being naggy, then he hung up on me'

Author image for Remy Millisky
Remy Millisky • Writer and Editor
Oct 16, 2025 5:00 PM EDT

Young woman holds beverage and looks across table at older woman in blue shirt

This Mom is wondering why her son and daughter-in-law don't want to see her… but she's the one causing a lot of the problems and refusing to change. 

If you don't address family issues head-on, you may find yourself in a similar situation. This Mom shared that she's really trying have a good relationship with her son and daughter-in-law. She truly thinks she's doing everything right. But she's not considering things from their point of view. For example, she knows they're unhappy with her, but she still asked to visit them, and invited herself over for a cup of coffee. Her son dodged these efforts — because she even suggested other dates she could visit — and told her that regardless of when she comes over, his wife doesn't want to see her. In fact, she doesn't really want to see her mother-in-law at all… and the MIL is trying to solve this by getting upset about it. "This hurt me," she writes, "because it felt like he [the son] was being purposefully r*de to me." No, lady, he's not being impolite; he's respecting his wife's wishes in a way that you clearly can't handle. 

Commenters were quick to tell this MIL to do some reflection on her own actions before getting upset at the way her family members were placing boundaries. Sometimes your family members will come around to you, other times they'll decide they're happier without you in their life, but either way, you must respect their wishes. 

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    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    "Help - What to do with daughter in law?"

    Dear everybody, In few months ago I made a post about my daughter in law often not being present at family functions. I followed your advice and
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    decided not to contact my DIL for a while. I have not contacted her since the end of august and it is now the end of november. I really
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    hoped that my son and DIL would reach out to me by themselves after about a month or maybe two months. I hoped we could talk about it and set things straight. I do
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    want my DIL and I to have a good relationship. However, neither my son nor DIL contacted me in the past months. They made no effort at all.
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    It was like they were gone with the wind. Because I was worried and really wanted to see them, I called my son myself last week. I
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    asked him if I could maybe visit them at their house that friday. All my son said was 'No, we have other plans'. I then proposed two other dates and he said I could come
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    over for a cup of coffee, but that DIL would not be there. I tried to not feel offended but honestly I was offended. I feel like DIL is avoiding me while I don't mean to
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    cause her any harm. I just wanted to see her again, after all who would not mis their DIL after not having seen her for 2,5 months? I asked my son when we
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    could meet her again and all he said was: 'I don't know, right now she just doesn't feel like it. She's busy'. This hurt me, because it felt like he was being purposefully
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    rude to me. When I asked my son *why* she didn't want to see us, he just kept repeating the same thing - that she doesn't feel like it. I still didn't get why so I asked if he
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    could elaborate. He felt I was being naggy and then hang up on me. After I called her (phone line dead) I sent DIL a text asking her why she
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    would not come see us. I told her I love her and that I mean no hearm and that I just want to hear how she's been doing. She replied back to me that she decides who she
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    wants to see and when she wants to seem them and the she wishes I would give her a break. I was shocked. Such an agressive response. It felt like she slammed the
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    door in my face. I still haven't responded because I don't know what to write or say back to her. I have been reflecting on myself and the fact that I have been too
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    overbearing, but do I really deserve this response? Again, I tried to not take it to heart but I did feel rejected.
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    Both my son and DIL make me feel like I haven't been a good mother (in law). But I care very much about the both of them. And off course, so does my husband. My
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    husband is so incredibly fond of DIL. I know he misses her as well. I am trying to stay calm and neutral but it's been three months since I last saw both my son
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    and DIL. Thankfully my son will be coming over to visit us next saturday. He said DIL is not coming along with him. I am happy to be seeing
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    my son, but I feel sad for not seeing my DIL.. again. Christmas is around the corner and I am afraid she will decline this invitation as well.
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    I want my DIL and I to be on the same page again, but I can't fix anything if she won't accept any calls, messages or invitations? How do I restore this with my DIL?
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    Advice wanted (please consider my situation as well).
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    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

     

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    Commenters let this woman know, in no uncertain terms, to leave her DIL alone

    ILoatheC... She's not ready. Leave her alone. The more you push the more it pushes her AWAY from you.
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    When you see your son focus on him. Do not bring up any of this. Just enjoy your time with him. I guarantee if you start hounding him about your DIL he will go back and tell
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    her and she'll be even more turned off by your behavior.
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    [deleted] Her response is not at all aggressive. What is aggressive is you ignoring what your son has told you over and over, and then trying to
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    wrestle a different answer out of her. She wants a break from you. Give it to her. Do you really want to make things better? Firstly, you need to recognize that you have
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    stepped over their clearly stated boundaries repeatedly. They are holding you at a distance because they cannot trust you to respect their boundaries.
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    Secondly, you must apologize for crossing their boundaries. Thirdly, you must stop running over their boundaries.
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    Cheezburger Image 10564705024
    via Brock Wegner For Unsplash+

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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family dynamics family drama daughter in law mother sons family feud mother in law family
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