Woman expects boyfriend to cover $4000 Greece vacation after she quits her marketing job without telling him: 'This is manipulative at best'

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Oct 20, 2025 10:00 PM EDT
A couple waits with luggage on a bench.

When a woman quit her job without backup, she expected her boyfriend to swoop in and fix everything. He didn't. 

Trust is essential in a relationship, and if you don't have it, it's hard to get anywhere. It's the foundation of a relationship, and once it's broken, it's very hard to repair. This is why you always hear about honesty and communication. Not only do you want to keep your partner abreast of big changes in your life because… they're your partner. You would also hate to spring something on them that they weren't prepared for. But what if the thing you have to tell them is a staggeringly difficult one? What if it changed the nature of your relationship, possibly forever? Is it understandable that you would drag your feet on something like that? 

Those are the questions that came up in this relationship when a woman secretly quit her job without a backup plan. She was feeling burnt out and overwhelmed, so she took matters into her own hands. The problem was that she expected her boyfriend to pitch in. 

Add as a preferred
source on Google
Advertisement
  • A woman with a suitcase gazes out a window.
    via Taylor Beach

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • When they were planning a European vacation, they assumed they would split the cost 50/50. But without a job to pay for it, the girlfriend was left in the lurch. She expected her boyfriend to pitch in, but he thought that was excessive. Read on to see what happened to this couple and read what advice commenters left for them. 

  • Am I in the wrong for refusing to pay for my girlfriend's portion of a vacation after she quit her job without telling me?

    Me (29M) and my girlfriend "Sarah" (27F) have been in a relationship for roughly two years. We discussed having a big holiday together, and in January concluded we'd have a week in Greece this summer. The entire expense was going to be around $4,000 per person (flight tickets, lodging, activities, etc.).
    via u/sairas_kailan
  • When we booked everything in February, Sarah had a stable job at a marketing firm. We agreed we'd each pay our own way, and I put both our flights and the hotel on my credit card to get points, with the understanding she'd Venmo me her half before the trip.
    via u/sairas_kailan
  • Skip forward to last month. Two weeks ago, she casually told me that she resigned from work. I was surprised because she didn't come to me first. When questioned why, she explained that she was "burnt out" and required to take care of herself. I understand burnout exists, but she doesn't have a second job in the pipeline and no concrete plan.
    via u/sairas_kailan
  • The trip is three weeks away and yesterday she said she cannot afford to pay me right now. She told me that I should simply "cover it that one time" since I get more income than her anyway (I'm a software engineer). She promised that she'd pay me back at some future date, but was unable to promise a date. She also told me if I really cared about her, then I wouldn't "make this about money."
    via u/sairas_kailan
  • I told her that's not acceptable. I'm not a bank, and $4,000 is a lot of money to just take, especially since we'd agreed upon something. I told her if she can't afford her share, then maybe we should call off the plans and schedule them for when she's in more stable finances. She got really upset and told me that I was "punishing her for maintaining her mental health."
    via u/sairas_kailan
  • I told her it was irresponsible to resign without having something else lined up, and that knowing we were scheduling this expensive holiday made it all the more irresponsible. She started crying and said I wasn't being supportive. She mentioned that I lived in her apartment for three months rent- free last year after my lease expired, which is true, though I shopped for the groceries and cooked most evenings.
    via u/sairas_kailan
  • My mom thinks Sarah is being deceitful when referring to mental health to make me feel guilty. Sarah's best friend messaged me that I am being "cruel" and Sarah's having a really hard time. Sarah also insinuated that if I'm not footing the bill, then I'm signaling I have no future with her and we should break up.
    via u/sairas_kailan
  • I feel bad because I am concerned about her and wouldn't want her to feel ignored. Nevertheless, this costs a lot and she didn't even think about mentioning it to me in advance. The flight is paid and non-returnable now, so the funds can't be reimbursed at all. AITA for not wanting to pay for my share of the holiday?
    via u/sairas_kailan

  • Commenters agreed that this seemed a bit manipulative.

    Middle-Moose-24... • 22m ago NTA. Quitting a job without talking about it signals to me the no future, because she made a major life choice unilaterally. Which, you aren't engaged or married, she's able to make her choices on her own. But if you are serious enough for her to expect you to cover that life choice, she should respect your partnership enough to at least discuss it first.
    via u/Middle-Moose-2432
  • • QueenSpoop · 1m ago Nta. Okay, so this is manipulative at best. It was mentioned casually. That doesn't happen as a result of burnout. That comes with tears and panic when you tell your partner it's a mental health thing.
    via u/QueenSpoop
  • "If you really cared about me you'd do this thing that is illogical and/or makes you uncomfortable." This is unacceptable in pretty much all circumstances. "But you make more than enough." - This doesn't change that you want a partner and you haven't agreed to support her financially because of this.
    via u/QueenSpoop
  • "You're punishing me." - You're being rational and asking to reschedule for a better time. It's the natural consequences of her actions, not a punishment. Two different concepts. "We'll break up if you don't do this thing that is illogical and/or makes you uncomfortable."
    via u/QueenSpoop
  • Unacceptable in all circumstances. Your relationship isn't a weapon for an argument. If she's really in this, then this wouldn't be a consideration. I'm sorry, OP, but this isn't a healthy situation and if any of this is a pattern then it's not a healthy relationship either. How does she usually respond to conflict? I think
    via u/QueenSpoop
  • you really need to sit down with your feelings because this isn't just one bad behavior that happened one time. These are individually bad items that usually indicate a pattern and I think you need to evaluate your relationship and what each of your roles is to the other in the context of it.
    via u/QueenSpoop
  • Crazy_adventurer... • 17m ago NTA, is it possible to cancel and still get your money back? If so, this is what I would do. Your gf seems like she wants to use you and become a "stay at home girlfriend". Dump her, if she's going to do this now, imagine what she would be like to be married too!
    via u/Crazy_adventurer262
  • blahisback • 9m ago . NTA. She is trying to manipulate and guilt you hardcore. She WAS incredibly irresponsible to quit her job without a back up, especially before a big trip. This is not someone I would want in my life. I would cancel the trip and break it off with her asap. To me, the trust is gone.
    via u/blahisback
  • Hobbz- 11m ago NTA - MAJOR red flags She's making drastic decisions without having a plan and expects you to pick up the slack. She's also trying to manipulate you into "supporting her". What could she possibly be going through to quit her job at 27 y/o without having another lined up? How long does she think it will take to find another job in this market?
    via u/Hobbz-
  • It's major enough that I strongly suggest you look at her and this relationship. This is a sign of what you will have to endure for the rest of your life.
    via u/Hobbz-
  • ManagerSwimming... • 1m ago NTA. Sarah is looking for a free vacation. Next, she'll want to move in with you, "just for a little while, to get back on track". Then you're stuck paying the bills, while she "deals with her mental health". Burnout happens. I get it. I work in Healthcare.
    via u/ManagerSwimming4710
  • But you don't just quit your job to deal with burnout or mental health issues, unless you are working in an extremely toxic environment. Even then, you should have a plan, and a new job lined up. Sarah is irresponsible and manipulative. If she's making veiled threats about breaking up if you don't spend all this
    via u/ManagerSwimming4710
  • money on her, who is to say she isn't planning to break up with you after the trip anyway? Obviously, she doesn't truly value your relationship, or respect you. Honestly, it wouldn't be a big loss if you did break up. TLDR; dump Sarah and take your mom or a friend to Greece. Then post lots of pictures to social media.
    via u/ManagerSwimming4710
  • PO-43- 19m ago • This sounds like mental manipulation. She is most definitely being deceitful! The insinuation that there is no future if you don't foot the bill is the red flag! Basic if this then that! If you were not looking for a red flag, then this is it my friend! I don't think it's about the money,
    via u/PO-43-
  • which is a lot, but about the agreed upon understanding that you guys would each pay a fair share. Marketing and software make good enough money for someone who is responsible enough to afford a trip planned out this far in advance.
    via u/PO-43-
  • UjaHandmade · 3m ago If she's having concerns. about her mental health, shouldn't she be seeking a mental health professional instead of trying to go on a vacation?
    via u/UjaHandmade
  • Happy-Medicine-3... NTA. This is a major .5m ago discussion. She absolutely has the right to work or not work, but putting it on you to pay, and playing the "if you cared about me card", Is pure manipulation. I hope you got insurance for the trip, get your money back now, while you can. Also: "if she cared about you", she would have included you on this decision since it involves you both.
    via u/Happy-Medicine-3600
  • • justanotherguyher... 3m ago NTA She at least owed speaking to you about her decision before doing it. That's not the kind of life changing thing you do without talking to your partner. She knew what she was doing.
    via u/justanotherguyhere16
  • Sadiepure 1m ago NTA. You are justified in standing your ground. Paying her share is optional kindness, not a requirement, and doing so under guilt or manipulation is not healthy.
    via u/Sadiepure
  • Frankly_Ridiculous 17m ago . NTA. Unless you're a trust fund baby or independently wealthy, unemployed people don't go on $4k vacations.
    via u/Frankly_Ridiculous
  • ChaiGreenTea 19m ago NTA How is she going to cover all her other bills? Is she expecting you to foot those bills too? Sounds like she's planning on having a "mental health vacation" on your dime and expect you to foot the bill going forward until she decides she wants
    via u/ChaiGreenTea
  • to go back to work. I doubt she'd be able to just walk into a job. This isn't just the holiday she's expecting you to pay for, but the next several weeks or months. That 4000 will grow larger very quick and unless you've got a couple thousand pounds as a floater, you're going to get into debt very quick.
    via u/ChaiGreenTea
  • Especially if you shell out 4k on a holiday. And she's doing all this, knowing that burden will be put on you and then has the audacity to say you're unsupportive.
    via u/ChaiGreenTea
  • A couple waits on a bench holding luggage.
    via Unsplash+ (A. C.)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

Want More? Follow Us and Add Us as a Preferred Source on Google.

Tags

long term relationship relationship advice aita relationship job relationship status money problems relationship-drama reddit story relationships story reddit thread Reddit money quitting healthy relationship vacation
Scroll Down For The Next Article