30-year-old woman agrees to split costs for friend's birthday weekend, only to discover it’s actually her engagement party, and that they're expected to cover her portion of trip as a "gift," woman demands refund and leaves trip: 'You're ruining the mood'

Author image for Emma Saven
Emma Saven
Oct 23, 2025 6:00 PM EDT

Who could say no to a girls' trip?? Especially when you get to celebrate your bestie's birthday! You've got the most gorgeous Airbnb, planned the most exciting dinner, and get to gossip with your girls around a fire pit all night long! You've all saved up so you can pitch in and enjoy yourselves, and have even bought your bestie the most thoughtful gift! Sounds like the perfect escape, and somehow you've managed to keep your bank balance from crashing…

That is, until the birthday girl surprised you with her engagement announcement to her long-time boyfriend! You couldn't be happier for her, until she and her fiancé inform you that they thought it would be a great idea to turn the trip into a joint engagement celebration instead. The big surprise? Informing her soon-to-be bridesmaids that they should be covering her cost of the entire trip as the ultimate engagement gift…Wait, let's backpedal. You all planned this trip together and split the costs evenly, and now she is insisting you all pay for her? You could afford the trip when planning for yourself, but a whole other person is not within your budget! Is it fair that these blind-sided besties should be burdened with the costs without having been informed beforehand?

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  • There’s no doubt that if they could afford the extra expenses, they would be happy to treat her…But the fact that it was her and her fiancé's idea just seems a bit entitled…They saw the ring on her left hand and knew that if her fiancé wanted to spoil her so desperately on that trip, he could have done so…So why in the world would he put so many expenses on her friends without proper communication? Perhaps these expectations could be placed upon friends making 5 figures a month, but that’s certainly not the case here…

  • Girls on a road trip
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    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • AITJ for refusing to pay for my friend’s “birthday trip” after finding out it was actually her engagement party?

    My friend "Sierra" (29F) invited me (30F) and three others to what she called a "girls" birthday weekend" at a nice Airbnb about three hours away.
    via MarionberryOdd7473
  • She said we'd all split the cost evenly since it was a small group celebration. Cool, I agreed, paid my $400 share for the house, and even helped her plan decorations and food.
    via MarionberryOdd7473
  • When we arrived, I noticed she'd set up these fancy banners that said "She Said Yes!" and a table with engagement- themed props.
    via MarionberryOdd7473
  • Turns out her boyfriend proposed two days earlier and the "birthday trip" was actually an engagement party disguised as a birthday getaway.
    via MarionberryOdd7473
  • Then came the kicker: Sierra announced during dinner that she and her fiancé had decided to "cover their costs as the guests of honor," meaning we (the friends) would be paying for the Airbnb, food, and drinks "as their gift." I told her that wasn't what I agreed to and that I wanted my share refunded since I didn't sign up to fund her engagement party.
    via MarionberryOdd7473
  • Woman showing friends her engagement ring
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    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • She said I was "ruining the mood" and being "cheap over something special." I packed my stuff and left early the next morning.
    via MarionberryOdd7473
  • The group chat's now split, two friends think I overreacted, the others think Sierra was manipulative.
    via MarionberryOdd7473
  • So Reddit... AITJ for refusing to pay for a trip I was misled into?
    via MarionberryOdd7473
  • Background_Mistake76 Nope. File a dispute with your credit/debit card company
    via Background_Mistake76
  • Low-Information 9414 She lied about what the trip was for, then tried to guilt you into paying for her celebration. That's not a "friend treat," that's financial deception wrapped in glitter. You didn't ruin the mood, she did by turning a shared getaway into a money grab.
    via Low-Information9414
  • Psychological_Dot786 I wouldn't say that you are the one that was being 'cheap'. Your friend was being cheap in sourcing funding for her own engagement party and used deception to do it.
    via Psychological_Dot786
  • Woman looking annoyed while her friend speaks
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    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Head-Technology-4031

    Head-Technology-4031 Go to the wedding and all of you give them sealed envelopes with monopoly money as the wedding gift with a note that says Thank You for the Wedding Party &
    via MarionberryOdd7473

  • Capable-Upstairs7728

    Capable-Upstairs 7728 NTJ. You were lied to. Get a refund and ditch the friendship.
    via MarionberryOdd7473
  • atagoodclip It never ceases to amaze me the subterfuge, selfishness, arrogance and self entitlement of people who are supposed to be your friends or family, especially when you are doing them a favour.
    via atagoodclip
  • Critical-Rutabaga-39 But she didn't let you know in advance that she had changed the terms. I doubt you'll get your money back but this 'friend' should be left to wade in her own sh*t.
    via Critical-Rutabaga-39
  • Dependent_Break_5986 Refund me please!
    via Dependent_Break_5986
  • Appa 1904 Not the jerk. I would want my refund also. How dare she charge more under false pretense. Small claims court if she's not willing to repay you all.
    via Appa1904
  • Agath3Dvybz Get your money back/dispute the charges with your bank and never speak to Sierra ever again. She is delusional!
    via Agath3Dvybz
  • darrenwiseatvan FU refund my friendship. The word friend has the word end in it. If she can't be honest and resorts to deception to get her way she doesn't respect you and I certainly wouldn't respect her
    via darrenwiseatvan
  • Up_and_down_and_all NTJ. How is your friend not embarrassed by her lies?
    via Up_and_down_and_all

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expectations costs refund unrealistic friends covered travelling surprise Party couples entitled trip engagement delusional entitled people
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