‘I certainly made mistakes and a lot of them, but I did my best’: Daughter blames her failed relationships and bad behavior on her dad’s parenting, and his defensive reaction ends up driving the family apart

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Etai Eshet • Editor
Oct 25, 2025 5:00 PM EDT

This story shows what happens when two painful truths collide. A father hears his adult daughter tell him that childhood trauma from his mistakes shaped her bad relationships and behavior. She is right that parents leave deep marks on their children. They are our first mirror, the blueprint for how we see love, safety, and conflict. But she is also wrong if she believes that mirror decides her whole life. At some point, we all have to stop blaming old pain for new decisions. Healing is personal work, not a courtroom.  

The father cannot absorb the criticism without turning defensive. Instead of meeting her honesty with empathy, he throws back awkward logic about focusing on positives. It sounds dismissive. She pushes harder, he feels attacked, and ego takes control. Within days, what began as one uncomfortable talk becomes a family implosion. His anger makes him threaten her stability in the worst way possible by saying she can leave the house. The moment crushes everything around it. 

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  • AITAH For destroying my relationship with my Daughter and ending my marriage?

    a man and woman arguing, the woman accusing the man and the man looking upset and angeru
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  • I (41M) have been with my wife (41F) for 24 years. We have 3 kids. 2 of which are adults 21F & 18M.
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  • My marriage has been a bit rocky for a few years. I have been racked with anxiety, stress, and fear which I have let affect me and our marriage.
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  • A few weeks ago my daughter came to me and told me that through work with her therapist she has determined that trauma she experienced during her childhood caused by me is responsible for her failed relationships and bad behavior.
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  • I shut it down. I told her all her good qualities should be her focus. This worsened our relationship as she said I wasn't listening and continued to double down on me taking accountability.
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  • I told her " I certainly made mistakes and a lot of them but I did my best".
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  • The rift significantly worsened when she told me that wasn't good enough and that I didn't do my best.
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  • Along with other comments that I took as disrespect and hurtful such as "you only have an emotional connection if it benefits you".
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  • I then began to seek guidance. I spoke about the situation with multiple family members and friends as well as my therapist.
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  • 9 out 10 including my mother and brother told me she was being disrespectful and that she needs to experience life and gain perspective.
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  • I tried multiple olive branches to smooth it over to no avail. Finally after trying and her refusing to speak to me.
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  • I told her "my name is on the deed" and implied that if she won't talk to me then she can get out.
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  • This had devastating consequences. My wife immediately told me if I kicked her out she would divorce me.
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  • Several horrible arguments erupted culminating in my daughter calling the cops on me trying to have me removed from my home.
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  • It didn't work because I was not physical or violent. I recorded the whole fight and while I am not innocent.
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  • My wife and daughter said somethings that really hurt me. I thought this is it there is no coming back.
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  • My anger towards my daughter for the entire situation came to a head from her calling the cops and I told her "don't talk to me like I'm your father, you are no daughter of mine".
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  • I regretted it instantly. All in one moment I saw all of the hurt and pain this all caused her.
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  • I can't stop seeing her crying because of me. I feel like my support system lead me down the wrong path.
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  • Now my daughter wants nothing to do with me. My wife says divorce is non-negotiable and I feel lost, confused, broken, and angry.
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  • My mother in law talked to me and helped me see the forest through the trees but it's done and I fucked everything up.
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  • Diving deeper that anxiety, stress, and fear have made me insufferable and difficult that my wife has had enough.
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  • I want to save my family. I love my wife and daughter. I'm an idiot. However my mom and brother say I did and am doing the right thing.
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  • There is real accountability for both sides here. He needs to own his role in the damage, but she needs to grow past being defined by it. Love does not survive when people cling to being right more than being kind. Parents can do their best and still fail. Children can suffer and still be responsible for what comes next. Two things can be true, and until both accept that, they will keep trading pain instead of understanding. Grow up, together or apart.

  • It sure doesn't feel like it. AITAH?
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  • Easy_Palpitation3008 9/10 people said you are right... was the one who said you were wrong the therapist?
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  • PenglingPengwing I feel like my support system lead me down the wrong path I beg you the finest pardon? You are shameless and have ZERO accountability. Just audacity. You're the biggest AH.
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  • neighbourhoodtea YTA and I can see right through your carefully worded and thinly veiled BS
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  • TheYang Yeah, YTA. You apparently were not the best father-figure in her life, and when confronted, you kept escalating. > A few weeks ago my daughter came to me and told me that through work with her therapist she has determined that trauma she experienced during her childhood caused by me is responsible for her failed relationships and bad behavior. I shut it down. Why did you shut that down? In principle that seems like a difficult way to start a conversation, and I'm not sure what to gain fr
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  • canadian__girlie YTA. Seems like maybe your behavior this time wasn't anything new and they are finally done with you.
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  • MinuteBubbly9249 YTA. you keep making the worst move possible every time. "Shutting it down" when someone is trying to address something important to them is going to hurt the relationship. Its your fault and you're still not taking any accountability.
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  • [deleted] YTA. You have such a strong victim complex that it ruined your family.
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  • nesian0 "I love my wife and daughter". If you did, "you are no daughter of mine" would have never come out of your mouth. YTA.
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  • Sensitive_Remote_331 YTA 1) she tries to share what she's been learning in therapy and start a dialogue about how you hurt her and you "shut it down" 2) I also had parents who "did their best" but you don't get to decide for your children if it's enough. And it's okay to hear that your best wasn't enough! It hurts but we don't get things right all the time. Your best wasn't enough for your daughter. Your best still hurt her. Not gonna lie I had a similar conversation with my dad. And he always,
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  • michaelincognito Yeah, dude, it sounds like you have made a career out of fucking up. Even with the super vague details about the past, your recent interactions with your family include you saying things you can never take back. YTA
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family drama inheritance brother mother tradition siblings family feud favoritism wedding aunt in laws mother in law sister fiancé grandmother Father
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