19-year-old college student refuses to babysit her 35-year-old sister's 2 toddlers for 40 hours a week for no pay: 'She said I was being selfish for choosing a stupid minimum wage job over my nieces'

Nobody is entitled to free childcare, even if they have a teenage sibling who is home for the summer.

Childcare always comes at a cost. If both parents are working and need to pay for daycare for a couple of years, it will cost them thousands of dollars. If one parent stays at home and takes care of the kids for the years before they're in a K-12 school, they're missing out on the income they would've earned during those years. Additionally, their future earnings are greatly diminished after taking years away from work. It's not fair, but that's the way the cookie crumbles. 

There are those unicorn people or situations that allow you to have childcare at little to no cost. Sometimes, grandparents are totally willing to take care of their grandchildren during working hours free of charge, although that is becoming more of an anomaly. There are many cheaper daycare options than the most expensive private daycare in town, but these services often come with a catch. They might have an extremely high kids-to-adults ratio. They might not be as enriching as you'd want them to be. But if you can't afford a full-time babysitter or a fancy daycare, your options are more limited.

Author image for Emmy Pratt Emmy Pratt
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  • Woman in a white t shirt and blue denim jeans sitting on a gray metal railing
    via Marcel Strauß

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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  • The mom in this story thought she had the perfect solution to her daycare problem: her 19-year-old sister, who is home from college for the summer. But her sister actually wants to get a job that will pay her instead of caring for her nieces for free, and that doesn't sit right with Mama.

  • Am I the bad guy for not being my sister's free nanny this summer?

    Hey guys, need a reality check. I'm 19 and home from uni for the summer. I had this whole plan to take this online course for a certification I really need and work a part-time job to save up for next year. Textbooks are crazy expensive, you know?
    via u/amzcook
  • Assorted books on wooden table
    via Alexander Grey

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • My older sister, Dana (35), has two adorable but handful toddlers. She just assumed that I'd be her full-time, unpaid nanny, like 5 days a week, so she and her husband don't have to pay for daycare.
    via u/amzcook
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    via Ben White

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • I was totally caught off guard. I told her I'd be happy to babysit sometimes, like for a date night or if she's in a pinch, but I can't do full-time. I really need to focus on this course and my job.
    via u/amzcook
  • She got super mad. She said I was being selfish for choosing "just something you do on a computer" and a "stupid minimum wage job" over my nieces. She also threw in that since I'm living at my parents' house, I should be dedicating all my time to "the family." I stood
    via u/amzcook
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  • my ground and started my job yesterday. Now she's giving me the silent treatment and told my mom I'm being a spoiled brat. I love my nieces to bits, but I feel like I'm trying to build my future here. AITA for setting this boundary?
    via u/amzcook
  • Evening_Army_3916 NTA stand your ground you Have a life and goals. They are her children she chose to have them and that includes lining up reliable childcare not free childcare. She cannot voluntell you and your mom can gladly step in and take over. Whether you work at Mc Donald's or take a course it's your choice why because u have no children to worry about so she cannot drag you into her life as a mom she doesn't get that right! Stand strong lay that boundary and on top of she insults you an
    via u/amzcook
  • amzcook OP Thanks so much for this. It really helps to hear that. You're totally right about the "voluntell" thing that's exactly what it felt like. I'm gonna do my best to stand my ground. Really appreciate the support.
    via u/amzcook
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  • SubstantialPressure3 She expected you to stop taking your course and turn down a paying job to be her unpaid nanny? She is out of her mind. Agree with the other commenter. Stand your ground. It's easier than you think. Just repeat the same thing over and over. "I cannot be your free nanny. I have a job and a class scheduled". no matter what she says, keep repeating it.
    via u/amzcook
  • Just because she thinks she's entitled to free full time childcare doesn't mean that you have to be the one to do it. I used to tell my ex "yes you have the right to be an ahole, that doesn't mean I have to start you a fan club.
    via u/amzcook
  • Particular_Cycle9667 Also, she could say I'm sorry you feel that way. "But you're my sister you're my family & family is supposed to help family." LI'm sorry you feel that way. I'm not available." "it's just amendment wage job. It doesn't mean anything. I'm your sister." "I'm sorry you feel that way."
    via u/amzcook
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  • "But I really need you you're being selfish." "I'm sorry you feel that way." "mommy tell her to be my friend nanny! Tell her she's being unreasonable." "I'm sorry you feel that way. But I'm not available."
    via u/amzcook
  • Ulquiorra1312 So you prioritised your education and (checks notes) your education over her responsibilities NTA
    via u/amzcook
  • amzcook OP Haha, right? When you put it that way it sounds even more obvious. Thanks for the laugh and the backup, I really appreciate it.
    via u/amzcook
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  • LdiJ46 You are not being a spoiled brat at all, your sister however certainly is. I wouldn't babysit for her at all with the entitled attitude that she is displaying.
    via u/amzcook
  • amzcook OP Yeah, the attitude really stung. It's hard to want to help someone who acts like that. Thanks for seeing my side of it.
    via u/amzcook
  • Hungry_Research 1986 Was their some expectation that you would just do it all summer? Did you do it last summer, or somehow say you would, or your parents told her you would do it without asking you?
    via u/amzcook
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  • LdiJ46 I sincerely doubt that her parents would have suggested that she would take her entire summer to be a free babysitter. Not when she clearly needs to earn money for school.
    via u/amzcook
  • 77x88x88x77 ΝΤΑ You didn't give birth to them.
    via u/amzcook

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