Sister-in-law flips out after stay-at-home mom refuses to keep providing free babysitting for 4-year-old son 5 days a week: 'I feel like I’m constantly having to re-parent him'

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Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
May 29, 2025 9:00 AM EDT

Childcare is a huge concern for every working parent, being both frequently expensive and often hard to find in the quantity and quality that they require. From this perspective, having somebody in the extended family who is both available and willing to take care of a kid as and when it is needed is nothing short of a blessing. It is a luxury that not all moms and dads have.

However, for those parents who do find themselves benefiting from this, it is important to show some basic respect for the individual who is doing the babysitting. This includes not constantly expecting them to drop everything at the last minute to do childcare, and finding mutually acceptable solutions if a kid is being difficult. Unfortunately, many who get family babysitting privileges take it for granted, and then start to get annoyed when things end up not working out for whatever reason.

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  • 01

    AITA for not giving my SIL time to find alternative childcare before refusing to watch her son anymore?

    My (28f) husband (33m) has an older half brother (43m) who has a son (4) around our daughter's age (also 4). My SIL (36f, half-brother's wife) works, but I do not. I am a SAHM, because my husband worked in his twenties to build two pretty successful local businesses & he works a lot so it's better for our family for me to stay home. We also have a farm, so we have lots of land and it's basically a kid's dream. My BIL & SIL spent their twenties traveling so they don't really have their finances i
    via buceo21
  • 02
    Cheezburger Image 10511255040
    via Kateryna Hliznitsova (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • One stay-at-home mom found herself embroiled in this issue when she informed her working sister-in-law that she would no longer babysit her 4-year-old son. She had been caring for him during the week, along with her daughter, but his consistent, unaddressed behavioral issues had led her to say that she couldn't do it anymore.

    The other mom took issue with this, complaining that she had not been given time to find alternative childcare. The woman wanted to know if she had done something wrong.

  • 03
    At first, I felt bad for my BIL/SIL so I offered to help them with childcare with my nephew. I do this for free, they don't pay me anything to watch him. And it was great at first, because my daughter had someone to play with while I took care of farm & house chores. I quickly realized my nephew is not being parented well. I get that they both work, but they over-indulge him to a point that is kind of ridiculous. He thinks everything is negotiable. No doesn't mean no, it means scream about it un
    via buceo21
  • 04
    I see that his mother encourages this behavior, every time he is upset she tries to negotiate with him & usually just gives him what he wants but says "we'll talk about it later at home when he's calmed down." I roll my eyes at this because I just know it isn't true, they don't address anything with him. I know because I spend every weekday with him and I feel like I'm constantly having to re-parent him. For instance, one huge issue is they have taught him he does not have to share. If he doesn'
    via buceo21
  • 05
    She has always had an issue with how I handle sharing, she's tried to coach me on how to properly handle sharing, according to her. She expects me to essentially distract my child with another toy if her son doesn't want to share. I made it clear that when he's at my house he has to follow my rules. I do not entertain them or manage their play, if a toy is causing problems it disappears. Period. They don't always have to play the same thing at the same time, but if they can't at least take turns
    via buceo21
  • 06
    His mom, however, constantly tries to undermine my authority. Once a week I take them to the park, it's about a quarter mile down the road from our house so I make the kids walk or ride their scooters or bikes. My nephew is lazy and always wants to be carried or pushed. I give a firm no, and he cries. But then his mom messaged me saying "(Son) doesn't want to walk to the park anymore so we came up with a plan, why don't you take them to the water park that way you all can drive and I'll leave yo
    via buceo21
  • 07
    My nephew has caused a lot of issues that I ultimately blame his parents for, like taking one bite out of every strawberry in the bowl just to be spiteful so my daughter couldn't have any. That has happened multiple times with multiple snacks. Trying to sneakily steal toys and then his mom asking if he can borrow it when I check his bag and call him out on it. But my final straw with my nephew was when he started trying to encourage my daughter to push boundaries with me. I'd tell him he couldn'
    via buceo21
  • 08
    Maybe I'm an AH for reaching my breaking point & not giving them more notice, but I thought I was being helpful. And I gave them plenty of warnings that his behavior was not acceptable or appropriate in my home. I gave advice on how to parent a little better, maybe that makes me an AH since he's not my kid but I don't know. I told her he wouldn't be allowed back multiple times, but this time I mean it. My SIL thinks I'm an AH because I refuse to acknowledge that our children are just different,
    via buceo21
  • 09
    Cheezburger Image 10511255296
    via Kateryna Hliznitsova (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 10

    Outsiders supported the decision she had made.

    forgetregret1 day You've given her way more grace than I would have. You're doing them an enormous favor, childcare is extremely expensive these days and you gave them the gift of free childcare. All you asked was to have your family's rules respected while he was in your home and they couldn't be bothered to give age appropriate instructions to their child. These are the consequences and I wouldn't be surprised if she finds herself in this situation more than once. Caregivers have rules, whethe
    via forgetregret1day
  • 11
    PurplePufferPea Right! I am a very long leash style parent, and my kids had a lot more freedoms then my friend's kids. BUT you better believe my kids fully understood what house rules meant and my expectation in regards to following the rules of the house/place they were in.
    via PurplePufferPea
  • 12
    Ok-Control2520 While it would be 'nice' of you to give her notice and enough time to find alternate arrangements . . . it also would have been 'nice' if she respected your parenting and free daycare. You provide free daycare. She should accept it for what it is and shut her mouth or pay for a daycare provider that will put up with both his and her behaviour.
    via Ok-Control2520
  • 13
    Cherisluck No paid daycare is going to put up with this either.
    via Cherisluck
  • 14
    Interesting_You_2315 NTA. The rules are the rules at your house. You either follow the rules or there are consequences. Your SIL FAFOd. Now her son is banned.
    via Interesting_You_2315
  • 15
    NTA Agitated-Location-12 He's destroying things, stealing, and blatantly disrespectful. All because his parents aren't parenting him. If he was in a standard daycare the same thing would be happening there too. It's unfortunate that the cousins are going to lose quality time together because his parents won't get his behavior unders control.
    via Agitated-Location-12
  • 16
    PhotojournalistOnly I'm sure girl cousin will be perfectly happy having him gone and getting to bake and go on adventures w mom w/o him ruining it. They grow up so fast, you don't get this time w them forever.
    via PhotojournalistOnly
  • 17
    jmsturm She has a lot of helpful opinions for someone not paying for daycare
    via jmsturm
  • 18
    Inside-Property-4579 As a former preschool teacher, I can tell you that with THAT many warnings and issues he would be asked to leave the school. I can't wait for mom and son to find out all the rules he will be expected to follow at school.
    via Inside-Property-4579
  • 19
    ProfPlumDidIt NTA. They had plenty of warning. I'd also be very blunt with them: that nephew isn't a bad kid; he just has bad parents who don't set and enforce rules and that they are ruining his life because no one else will tolerate his behaviors.
    via ProfPlumDidIt
  • 20
    Usual-Canary-7764 You told them multiple times to discipline gis bad behaviours and correct him they refused. You tried but their actions undermined you. NTA. It was a favour not a court order. They have lost the right to that favour all because of their (in) actions. Not on you. Let them sort out their mess
    via Usual-Canary-7764
  • 21
    Ballas333 NTA. My partner works with kids as her career. And she is trained to handle and "fix" these behaviors. That's her job. If she wasn't getting paid for it I would be begging her to stop because of how stressful it is. You are not getting paid to parent a kid that isn't yours. That alone gives you the right to stop at any point. It might not be the nicest thing, but you're totally justified. I'd also like to mention that you're not refusing to watch him anymore because of his behavior. Ye
    via Ballas333
  • 22
    el_grande_ricardo NTA. You set boundaries, they broke them. Since the parents are too immature to understand, explain it to the 4yo. "We don't scream and throw things to get our way at my house. Since you aren't big boy enough to control your temper when I say no, you won't be coming to my house anymore."
    via el_grande_ricardo
  • 23
    aslrebecca The SIL wants you to parent her child, but doesn't want to change her parenting skills. The child either abides by the rules of the house, or the parent needs to find suitable accommodations, period. NTA.
    via aslrebecca
  • 24
    Sure_Assist_7437 Girl, BLESS YOUR PATIENCE. Absolutely not. If they want to make a monster of that child, & not teach him basic life skills, then they deal with the beast of their own making.
    via Sure_Assist_7437
  • 25
    beek_r You have every right to be angry and refuse to let the kid into your house. The fact that your SIL is a horrible parent isn't your fault, and she's brought this on herself by raising such a brat. She's parenting the same way she was raised, and it's easy to see that her son is going to end up just like her - entitled and believing that that can whine their way to whatever it is they want. That said, your SIL is going to be pissed that you didn't give her formal notice. She's going to be p
    via beek_r

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babysitting family daughter nephew son childcare parenting sister in law reddit thread Reddit entitled people
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