Bride expects in-laws to pay for $80K castle wedding plus their honeymoon, in-laws refuse unless she signs a prenup: 'He thinks we are ruining his engagement by making his wife seem like a gold digger'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Senior Editor
Oct 26, 2025 8:00 AM EDT

He's in for a world of hurt if he doesn't get a prenup for this big spender.

If a person is spending frivolously and managing their finances badly before they get married, there's a pretty good chance that it won't change once they actually tie the knot. It's essential to be on the same financial page as your partner. That doesn't mean you have to make the same amount of money or have gone down the same financial path, but you need to be in a place where you can make big financial decisions responsibly as a team. It doesn't matter if one of you is a saver on a budget if the other person spends money like they're getting paid to do so. 

You can marry someone who is financially irresponsible. There is no law against that. But you can't act all surprised when your financially illiterate spouse goes right ahead and spends all of your money. There are ways to marry a financially irresponsible person while protecting your money, and most involve signing ironclad legal documents, such as a prenuptial agreement. 

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  • Woman in white wedding dress stands in front of man in tuxedo
    via Ulyana Tim

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • The young man in this story badly needs a prenup. That, or he needs to marry someone else. His bride-to-be expects a wedding costing nearly $100K, and she hopes her wealthy in-laws will pay for it all. The groom is foolish enough to deny his parents' request that he get a prenup, but he'll learn they were right someday.

  • Am I wrong for not financially contributing to my son's wedding unless he gets a prenup?

    My husband (61M) and I (62F) are in a very comfortable position financially, I retired recently as senior VP of a tech company and my husband had a successful company that he sold very profitably. We have a daughter (34F) and son (30M). My hubby and I paid for both our kids' college degrees including masters and both kids are professionally succesfull.
    via u/Tough_Echo_6697
  • Our daughter got married 2 years ago and she had a court wedding followed by dinner at a restaurant with less than 25 people including us and groom's parents. She and my son in law paid for it. Asked for no help. My hubby and I gave them $25K as wedding gift. They were buying a house at the time and we thought a cash gift would be helpful for them.
    via u/Tough_Echo_6697
  • Our son got engaged a few months ago. He and my DIL to be (30F) are busy planning their wedding. We were considering paying for their honeymoon as gift. His fiancee works for an insurance company and my son is a doctor, currently doing his residency. They dont have a ton of money and we were a bit surprised when we heard about some of the wedding plans. My
    via u/Tough_Echo_6697
  • DIL to be wants to have her "dream day" in a castle like hotel venue, with 250 people (she has a large family) and her budget is around USD 80K not incl honeymoon. She has a favorite vera wang dress already picked out. Her family cannot afford to pay for any of this and she is still paying off her student loans. All of these were shared when they
    via u/Tough_Echo_6697
  • Castle on cliff
    via Hannah Wright

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • came over to stay with us for the weekend. My son was silent and DIL-to-be did most of the talking. I shared we would love to gift their honeymoon and take that off their plate. My son was like "thats amazing, thank you Mom and Dad, we would appreciate that a lot" and dil-to-be sort of had a pursed lip expression and didnt say anything. She was
    via u/Tough_Echo_6697
  • dating my son when my daughter got married and is fully aware of how my daughter did her wedding despite both my daughter and her fiance being in a significantly better financial position.
    via u/Tough_Echo_6697
  • Man in white dress shirt beside woman in black shirt and red pants
    via Dmitry Rodionov

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Anyway, my DIL-to-be cornered me in the kitchen next morning. She started by asking me what I thought about her wedding ideas. I said, the ideas were nice but not sure if its affordable. She goes like, it would be affordable, if my husband and I can help. I was like, how so? She goes on to say, that my husband and I have certainly have the money to be able to pay for everything, the full 80K and
    via u/Tough_Echo_6697
  • then the honeymoon of course would be very nice. She adds, since we didnt have to spend any money on my daughter's wedding, we can hopefully put that also into my son's instead. I simply said, I will talk to my husband and let both of them know. She looked visibly annoyed at this and said, you dont look like someone who needs her husband's permission to access
    via u/Tough_Echo_6697
  • money, that if I wanted to help my son, I can just decide to do it. I was pretty pissed at this point and left the room without responding and avoided her till they left.
    via u/Tough_Echo_6697
  • This whole conversation had all my alarm bells ringing. I didnt have any issues with her until now. To be fair, we havent spent a ton of time together. My job kept me very busy till 6 months ago. I discussed it with my husband and he agreed with me. We had a private conversation with my son and shared what happened. He
    via u/Tough_Echo_6697
  • looked pretty sad and told us she has been asking him to make the request of us. And that he said no, as he knew it wasn't a right expectation. My husband asked point blank if he is getting a prenup and my son said no. I said considering that my future DIL went over my son's head to ask his mom for money, he would be stupid not to get one. He kept
    via u/Tough_Echo_6697
  • saying we are judging her too harshly based on one incident. He thinks we are runining his engagement by making his wife to be seem like a gold digger. He apparently doesn't expect us to pay, just dont want this incident to get in the way of wedding plans. We didnt ask him how they are going to pay for the wedding but worry that he is going to take personal loans or something.
    via u/Tough_Echo_6697
  • They havent set a wedding date yet, considering future DIL's plans, wedding is at least a year away. We feel strongly our son should at least sit down with a lawyer and hear out the pros/cons of having a prenup. My son pointed out that my husband and I never got one. But we both had similar values coming into our marriage unlike his fiancee and him. We proposed that if he
    via u/Tough_Echo_6697
  • gets a prenup, we will pay $25K towards wedding. We also took the honeymoon gift off the table. My son said we are being assholes. I said I was ok being an asshole if that means protecting my son from his own stupidity.
    via u/Tough_Echo_6697
  • Are my husband and I assholes for proposing to contribute to the wedding only if my son gets a prenup?
    via u/Tough_Echo_6697
  • phdoofus Apparently he was aware of her ways enough to say 'no' when she was telling him to ask so saying it's a 'one off' problem doesn't seem right. Also saying that you seem to not need permission from your husband to cover the expense is a huge flag because it tells me she doesn't understand marriage. you're not 'asking permission' you're discussing what should be a shared decision like adults and deciding if you want to do that thing or not even if the money would be mostly yours.
    via u/phdoofus
  • she sounds a lot like she expects to be queen of the house and that your son 'better know his place'. Regardless of the prenup (which she'll obviously never accept and he knows it) this doesn't sound like the kind of person you want your son to marry. You don't have to say you forbid it or anything but you don't have to financially support it either. If she loves him, it won't matter. I suspect, however, she'll dump him for the the option that'll give her what she wants.
    via u/phdoofus
  • lun4d0r4 It also indicates she is gonna be spending the son's money without his knowledge or consent. Boy is being stupid AF not listening to his mum on this one.
    via u/lun4d0r4
  • JenniferMel13 100%. I don't need my husband's permission to spend our money (he doesn't need my permission either) but we are partners and we discuss large expenditures. The future-DIL is so far out of line with the request. She has dollar signs in her eyes between the inheritance potential and a doctor husband- to-be.
    via u/JenniferMel13
  • LobsterLovingLlama NTA and a Vera wang dress and 250 guests will far exceed $80k
    via u/LobsterLovingLlama
  • kdollarsign2 I thought the saaaaaame thing. This is easily double unless it's one of those unheated castles the third week of January
    via u/kdollarsign2
  • Ih8melvin2 If your son wants to protect his earnings from his future wife, he can ask for a prenup. If you want to protect your money from her when he inherits it, I think it should go into a trust. I'm not a lawyer, but you can talk to whoever did your estate planning and ask them.
    via u/Ih8melvin2

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daughter in law bride wedding drama Crazy Brides wedding dresses gold digger wedding father in law in laws mother in law wedding dress expensive weddings money son
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