UPDATE: Millionaire boss fires college student employee who has access to critical documents, employee demands 20x normal salary to provide the info: 'Well, boss... I'm not an employee'

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  • 01

    'Don't start a meeting by ending the meeting'

    Man wearing tie sitting in front of laptop holds phone to his ear and looks worried, in front of him is a young woman with brown hair in a white shirt and blue jacket smiling
  • 02
    My work environment is less an environment and more-so a conglomeration of duct tape, spit, and cussing.
  • 03
    I managed, among many things, a set of rentals, accounts receivable, and customer database analysis. Essentially, our company's bus factor was far too highlow.
  • 04
    Another important bit that I handled were various legal documents that the State requires meticulous processes to be followed, and allows for a digital or physical paper trail.
  • 05
    I opted for digital. Now, my boss kindly provided me a Pentium 4 dual core computer that he found at the bargain warehouse for about $40.
  • 06
    Person holds 3 $1 bills, 3 $20 bills, a $5 bill, and several more $1 bills in a fan shape in front of their face with just eyes peeking out
  • 07
    I had the most sophisticated work station in the business, for context. This wasn't quite enough for database management and analytical software - to boot up more or less process a dataset, so I called up our IT guy.
  • 08
    Who worked for the boss's friend's sister-in-law's business. 200 miles away. I go, "Hey Tim! I need to add my personal laptop to the company network.
  • 09
    Can you make that happen?" "Sure, I'll be down to that location in a week or two.
  • 10
    Can it wait?" "Sounds perfect, Tim." So Tim shows up. We get the boss to rubber stamp that this is all OK, and I have remote access to the servers and some annoying corporate* mandated securities on my laptop.
  • 11
    Which, no big deal, they stay out of the way. ^^*Tim's ^^corporate. ^^My ^^boss ^^doesn't ^^know ^^a ^^computer ^^from ^^a ^^VCR We didn't have anything like a software policy, either.
  • 12
    I think some computers had Office 2007 installed, but that's clunky and makes data transfer complicated.
  • 13
    It's the 20 teens, there's no need for that. I do all of my work on a google drive account tied to my work email.
  • 14
    This is great, because I can hot- swap my work station to wherever the boss wants me today.
  • 15
    Sometimes he likes to pretend I'm a secretary and throws me in his office. Sometimes he thinks I'm a technician and puts me at a station with no computer.
  • 16
    Whatever. Data is transient. Anyways. Things have been tense recently. I've moved almost all of my job to digital, and the boss thinks that means I don't work any more.
  • 17
    Obviously, an office monkey with no papers is an office monkey with not enough work. Now, he wasn't EXACTLY wrong.
  • 18
    I had been automating things, and was doing the job of about 6 people. How can I do the job of 6 people without the boss knowing?
  • 19
    Easy. He likes to manage by the seat of his pants. One day he fired a maintenance person and just "rolled" that job into the receptionist, driver, and technician jobs.
  • 20
    One day he decided that the sales team could handle marketing - surely buying a single $2000 camera is cheaper than having a professional do shoots each week.
  • 21
    Besides guerilla handicam sales pitches are in vogue, it'll be great! Moving on, after two years of "shuffling" I had accumulated a large amount of jobs.
  • 22
    Many of them tedious. And, with the right tools (made by me, at home, on my personal laptop that happens to be able to connect to the network), a good 4 hour job can be completed with about 10 minutes of sorting and parsing data.
  • 23
    So the time comes. We all know its coming - one of the suits tipped me off that the particular suit who's payroll is wasted on chumps like me had propositioned the boss that a pair of receptionists can do the work I do, for cheaper.
  • 24
    Just hire some college kids, work 'em each 18 hours a week, it'll be grand. Knowing that, I backed up everything to my personal google.drive account - but of course did not delete anything from the company owned one.
  • 25
    Like I said, the State has a vested interest in these processes, and I knew in my heart-of- hearts that the company couldn't be trusted to maintain records.
  • 26
    I didn't want to be on the hook for that in 6 years, so I kept a copy.
  • 27
    I figured it would go smoothly. I'm called to the big office for a meeting. There's too many suits, my supervisor gives me some side eye.
  • 28
    It's not a surprise. I carefully make sure to click, "Log out of all locations" on my Google account and tuck my laptop into my car before heading upstairs.
  • 29
    The meeting starts with the boss saying, "Well kiddo," yes, he calls me kiddo. Since I'm not 60 years old, I'm obviously a child.
  • 30
    "Well, Kiddo, I'm sad to say that I was wrong. I shouldn't have hired you. You're fired." Well...
  • 31
    that was blunt. And rude. So I stand up, extend my hand across the table, and prepare to thank him for the last few years.
  • 32
    "NOT so fast. Sit down, we have things to discuss." Hahaha... what? I sit down for a moment, in brief shock.
  • 33
    The adrenaline starts to pump and my finger tips are cold. Boss begins to tell me all of things they need from me.
  • 34
    Contacts. Account statuses. Explanation of discrepancies on AR accounts. documentation for State interests. All things that, as his competent employee, I could have printed and sitting on his desk in moments.
  • 35
    I decide to comply with him starting the meeting by saying I'm fired. Where I live, either of us can stop the employment situation for any reason.
  • 36
    He had legally fired me. I counter him, "Well, Boss, I don't feel particularly comfortable accessing your network since I'm not an employee." He exploded.
  • 37
    Think of Karen, a millionaire Karen with little-brother syndrome who wants to be John Wayne but looks a bit too much like Smoky the Bear's fat cousin to get the role.
  • 38
    His explosion was violent. Spit everywhere. I'll save you the details of how he stalked me to my car and demanded the employees "form a barrier".
  • 39
    He called me a few times. They went to voicemail as I drove to a public wifi hotspot.
  • 40
    I carefully removed my laptop from their network. I drove home, unpacked my work lunch. My phone hasn't stopped ringing - he probably had a receptionist being paid minimum wage to hit the "redial" button.
  • 41
    Eventually I answer a call from his cellphone. He makes some demands. I very flippantly offer to come to work for him at 10x my rate.
  • 42
    He yells some more. An hour later, he's pounding on my door. I don't want to deal with that, I know he carries a loaded pistol in his car (again, cowboy- emphasis on the boy).
  • 43
    The cops escort him away and I email a copy of my security footage to the responding officer.
  • 44
    He thanks me. The company doesn't flounder, of course. Bossman is a millionaire, and has been very carefully losing tens of thousands of dollars a year while operating his business.
  • 45
    He may have lost some more in the interim. But that's not my concern. My concern is collecting my unemployment.
  • 46
    And wouldn't you know, I was fired a few days before fall college class selection begins.
  • 47
    I decide to take a few master level classes - I've had my BA for awhile, might as well get some more school in on the Boss's dime.
  • 48
    Classes go well, and I coast through spring semester by tapping into a bit of savings.
  • 49
    And wouldn't you know it? The pandemic happens, and my unemployment benefits are extended. Guess I'll take some summer classes.
  • 50
    And those extended benefits were at 3x the base unemployment rate? Gee wizz, guess I can take a full set of fall classes too.
  • 51
    And then the state extended it for another 3 months at double the base? I have winter session's signup date marked on my calendar!
  • 52
    The bossman calls me this morning. I coyly thank him for firing me without cause a year ago, and let him know I made the Dean's list last semester.
  • 53
    He tells me to fuck off, he called to take me up on my deal - he'll hire me at 5x my rate to give him some information.
  • 54
    I remind him, "Wasn't the deal 10 times my rate?" Fuck you, 5x is too much.
  • 55
    And I only need you for an afternoon. "Well, I've been thinking about it. My unemployment benefits run out in a week or two.
  • 56
    So I'll do it. I'll contract for you. I want 20x what I was making. 40 hours minimum.
  • 57
    Paid in advance. Oh, and written scope of work I'm only doing - the work you say you need done during negotiations." Fuck you, I'll give you 5 times and a day of work and that's final.
  • 58
    "No, thanks Boss. I have to get back to the classes you're paying for. Thanks again!" I hang up.
  • 59
    He calls back an hour later, just moments before I started writing this, actually. It's actually his daughter, the comptroller of the company.
  • 60
    She says she spoke some reason to the boss. He'll hire me at 20x my rate for 40 hours of work, half paid up front.
  • 61
    "Actually, it was 100% up front, not half." Fine. she starts telling me what needs done.
  • 62
    Turns out, they're failing a State audit quite badly. Like, "Boss is not a millionaire if this isn't fixed" kind of badly.
  • 63
    They have all the information they need, of course - it's on my company email account's google drive.
  • 64
    I'm not going to tell them this. Once he pays me for half a year's work, I'll gladly spend the hour or so of time it takes to transfer all of the data he needs to a flash drive, wait until Monday of next week, and then hand it to his receptionist.
  • 65
    Really, the man couldn't have been nicer. He's already covered me going to college full time for over a year, and is about to cover another two semesters.
  • 66
    I should buy him a cake. Edit / Update: I got a call. They seem to have decided that the daughter/comptroller would be the best point of contact, which is fine with me.
  • 67
    We got along fine, she has a nice kid that used to run around the office.
  • 68
    It seems like the bulk of the issue is the information that they can't find. That's roughly zero work.
  • 69
    But since they can't find that information at all, auditors are nitpicking very fine details that my replacements have bungled up.
  • 70
    From the way she told it, it sounds like a nightmare. The literal end of times.
  • 71
    Honestly it sounds like a solid day of work running through their server with some of my tools.
  • 72
    Maybe two days. She wants me to start ASAP while they finalize writing up a contract.
  • 73
    I gave a surprised, "Heh" of a chuckle and said no dice. Contract first, and I'll have them pass the audit perfectly, like I always used to.
  • 74
    "But there's a deadline." I work fast. "You don't understand, we only have until the end of the month.
  • 75
    This needs started on today." I work fast, and it sounds like you should hire someone who knows how to write contracts fast, too.
  • 76
    "Whatever. If you don't fix this you're.... you know what, nevermind. I'll email you something in the morning." Sounds like a plan, good night.
  • 77
    edit 2: I'll do a final update once everything is settled, per the subreddit rules. The ending won't be as glamorous, but it will be an ending.
  • 78
    Edit: everything was wrapped up. I'll post an update and link back here once I can.
  • 79

    Here's the update!

    In any event, here we are. The short and sweet of it is that I got paid significantly more than the Boss thinks I'm worth and the Boss gets to keep his business.
  • 80
    Unfortunately, the Boss decided that I should be under an NDA. So, I am. I can't really discuss much.
  • 81
    But there are some details that I can share. There was an audit that failed due to my replacement's abilities.
  • 82
    It was a routine audit where they request some specific files and then also randomly choose various file cabinets to examine and compare our paper to our official accounts.
  • 83
    Happens once a month. When that audit failed it triggered a penalty and a more in- depth audit.
  • 84
    Cheezburger Image 10573163776
  • 85
    It is this second audit they were having issues with. I did manage to get Tim to reinstate my company's email account (and therefore my Google drive).
  • 86
    They had just changed the password, so that was easy. The account was never deleted. Tim explained that their email address system is based on a package of users.
  • 87
    They can't go over N total users (Let's say 500), but they comfortably sit well below N users.
  • 88
    So they just keep old email addresses unused since it doesn't cost them money. Once they need to activate a new person and then just delete one of the abandoned emails and reissue it.
  • 89
    I don't know why this is the policy, but hey, it worked out this time. I managed to recover my tools and spent a fairly large bit of time getting them updated to work again.
  • 90
    Who knew that this is a "use it or lose it" skill? Oh well. The main bulk of my time was spent in the archives, fumbling through unsorted filing cabinets.
  • 91
    When my replacement couldn't handle the workload, the Bossman hired a part time high school kid to help around the office with easier tasks.
  • 92
    You know, sort incoming documents, photocopy everything two or three times and put the photocopies into the right folders, create new folders, purge ancient folders once a month, shred documents, all that boring time consuming stuff.
  • 93
    WELL. Highschool kid thought that was a waste of time. Their filing method involved starting in cabinet 1 and putting a single new folder in it and filling that folder up until it was full.
  • 94
    Then repeat in drawer 2, 3, 4, and then cabinet 2. Etc. So all the papers that had been 'filed' were sorted in chronological order of when they were handed to the temp.
  • 95
    Oh f. And photocopies? Don't even get me started. I spent more than 20 hours contacting outside companies, customers, clients, etc to have them pleeeease send us a photocopy of the original.
  • 96
    And the few times that an original was missing (or shredded, I would bet), of course I had to reach out to the government or whatever issuing entity was in charge of that to jump through their countless hoops on getting it re- issued.
  • 97
    Sometimes to the tune of hundreds of dollars. Eventually I had all the documentation I needed.
  • 98
    I began digitizing everything I had, and then ran it through my tools. Things broke a few times, but nothing that good ol' Google and Stack Overflow can't fix.
  • 99
    Everything was sent to the auditors. They liked it. Submitted a report. The end. Well, mostly the end.
  • 100
    At this point I had worked for a bit over two weeks and had collected what amounts to about 18 times my weekly pay.
  • 101
    Somewhat fair, considering that employees get fully paid health insurance and quite a few other perks.
  • 102
    I hadn't seen Bossman once while I was there, and I was to stop working either at the end of the month or when the audit passes.
  • 103
    Well, the audit passed before the end of the month, and the comptroller approached me to make a standardized set of procedures on how to do my job.
  • 104
    We hummed and hawed over it and talked a bit and came to an agreement. I would make procedures while working from my home office (or come in, if I needed physical access to something), and bill them for 40 hours per week, with a review of work completed every week.
  • 105
    We agreed that my rate would be roughly 5x what I was making while I worked there, and things went surprisingly smoothly.
  • 106
    I spent a few hours the first week creating a slideshow of what my idea was (which was basically to give them my code).
  • 107
    The second week I billed them for 'development' and shared some screenshots of a basic function.
  • 108
    I managed to stretch that out for quite some time, eventually writing some high-quality instructions on how to use the code, and why it works.
  • 109
    But finally, I moved my code over to their server and set up a computer with a shortcut to it.
  • 110
    I'm now completely done with the job and celebrated by buying a new mountain bike.

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