'Am I a monster to separate this pair?': Kind woman wants to adopt a friendly stray pregnant calico before winter but worries about leaving behind her bonded unfriendly orange companion, seeks advice online

Author image for Mariel Ruvinsky
Mariel Ruvinsky • Writer and Editor
Nov 16, 2025 10:00 AM EST

Bonded cat pairs are something special. They are not simply two cats who are friends. Bonded pairs cannot live fully without one another. They cannot thrive. They cannot truly be happy without their other half. That's why shelters often say that bonded pairs should not and will not be separated - they have to be adopted together. Which is why this story is such a conundrum. 

A bonded pair of stray cats lives in this woman's backyard - one is friendly, and one is really not. Of course, all of that would be fine, if only the friendly one wasn't also pregnant right before the Canadian winter. The friendly and pregnant calico very much wants to be adopted, it is clear. Maybe it's because she's just ready, and maybe, like many other pregnant cats, she knows that she will need a safe space to raise her kittens once they come. The unfriendly ginger - the calico's other half - does not want to get inside. No interest whatsoever. She's reached out for help, asking the internet what to do. What would you do?  

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    "Am I a monster to separate this pair?"

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    Okay, so we live rurally and there are a TON of barn cats around. We know about 7 of them who come by regularly, 3 are our neighbour's friendly outdoor barn cats, 2 are feral and likely barn cats at the next farm over, and 2 are these sweeties.
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    They showed up together about a month ago on my doorstep, they are young cats, both under a year for sure. They showed up skinny and starving, and I've been feeding them ever since and working on socializing them. They haven't left.
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    They go into our barn at night but spend all day every day on our porch. The calico (check my post history, I posted about her recently) is crazy sweet and wants inside BAD.
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    She's pregnant and a total lovebug and wants to be an indoor cat. The orange however wants absolutely nothing to do with me, despite my month-long attempts at socializing him. He's 100% happier as an outdoor semi-feral barn cat.
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    Am I a horrible person to separate this pair, despite the fact that the calico wants to come in to be loved and the orange wants to stay out?
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    We have another cat currently who the calico can be friends with, and a million other outdoor cats for the orange to be friends with, it's not like either would be alone. I'm for sure bringing the pregnant calico in, she's pregnant and it's winter in Canada, but I just feel bad separating this pair
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  • We agree with pretty much everything that people in the comments say: catch the orange and spay him - for his own good. Adopt the calico. And then, once spayed, the orange might get friendlier and warm up to staying. And if not, still make sure that they have a way to be by each other. Because they truly do look bonded. 

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    Icy_Yesterday8265 • 14h ago They do look bonded. I would bring the calico in ASAP and I would look into getting both of them fixed. Look for TNR (trap neuter return) programs near you. For the orange fellow, youll likely need to trap him to get him fixed. Once hes fixed, he may become MUCH friendlier so you could take them both in. If youre up for it, once hes fixed you can just keep him inside and work on socialization. Or you can release and work on it outside and then bring him in once hes re
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    Nonetheless, please get them both fixed or else these 2 will turn into 10 then 20 and so on. Thank you for caring for them. They are beautiful.
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    Tiredohsoverytired • 14h ago I'd try keeping them inside together in a room (even a bathroom could work) if you can for at least a few weeks, then gradually letting them out. I've done this with multiple adult ferals, and no one has tried to run outside on me, though a few do enjoy having catio access. He might end up being a convert to indoor life, with exposure to it.
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    motherofbunniess • 14h ago Keep them together!!!
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  • This is an ongoing story, so we don't know how things turned out quite yet. But we have hope. Cute cats, kind human… things should work out just fine. And when they do, we request an update, please. 

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    Trudestiny 13h ago We had this issue. The male was definitely an indoor candidate but his bonded sister was not so interested. We grabbed him and the next morning she was at the door wanting to come in and he was pacing & meowing until we let her. 2 months in (they are 5 months and both neutered and spayed) and both don't shown at interest in even going on balcony
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    Would have been absolute mistake to separate them, next photo is their big brother 2yrs old, from a different colony
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