Unemployed 23-year-old delays parents' retirement by refusing work or school, leaving older sibling worried they will still be dependent when parents need care: ‘My parents complain to me but do not choose to do anything’

Author image for Etai Eshet
Etai Eshet • Editor
Nov 21, 2025 2:00 PM EST

Many families get a golden child and a scapegoat. This one somehow ended up with a third category: permanent houseplant with WiFi. A 23-year-old who has never worked, never moved, and treats adulthood like an optional side quest someone else can click through.  

The parents are in their 60s, staring down retirement, still funding a three-person household when the math was supposed to shrink, not expand. They vent to the older sibling, lose sleep over the situation, then quietly keep paying for it. It is like sponsoring an exchange student who never exchanges, just stays.

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  • My sibling refuses to live life. Our [60+] parents want to retire... Any advice?

    Confident woman in dark sunglasses standing with folded arms beside an older couple who look worried while staring at a laptop, creating a contrast between calm indifference and their stressed reaction
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    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • The dynamic feels weirdly uneven. Parents insist they are trapped, but keep fluffing the safety net. Sibling insists on opting out of everything, but enjoys electricity, food, and a roof that someone else maintains. The older sibling sits in the middle, watching two adults complain while enabling, and one adult child treats life like a lobby they never check out of.  

  • For further context, my sibling lives at home, does not work (has never had a job), and received their GED after I pushed the issue post their dropping out of high school.
    via NariRae_babybunny
  • Both our mom and dad are in their 60's and they want to retire but feel that they cannot because of the cost of maintaining funds for three people instead of what should be- just the two of them.
    via NariRae_babybunny
  • My parents complain to me but do not choose to do anything. I am the reason my sibling got their GED and the program included a free college course but because they chose not to follow through, they lost out on that opportunity.
    via NariRae_babybunny
  • Confident woman in dark sunglasses and a black tank top standing against a plain white wall with her arms crossed, showing a bold, unbothered attitude.
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    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • I guess I just feel stuck between a rock and a hard place. I wonder if anyone has experienced anything similar or has any advice.
    via NariRae_babybunny
  • I fear that they will still be trying to live at home and not working when my parents need to go to an assisted living, etc.
    via NariRae_babybunny
  • Concerned older couple staring at a laptop screen in their bright kitchen, looking worried and confused as they review unexpected or stressful online information
    via monkeybusinessimages

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • The fear about the future is not abstract here. If nothing changes, the next step is not just delayed retirement, it is two aging parents trying to pay for themselves and an adult who still behaves like a dependent when they need support.  

    Sometimes the hardest part is accepting that no one can drag a person into their own life, only step out of the role that makes standing still so comfortable.

  • Hopeful-Essay695 If your parents won't take any action, there is nothing you can do besides make it super clear that you will not be assuming any responsibility for your sibling in the future. You can offer to work with your parents and support them while they get your sibling out of the house. You can offer to connect your sibling with local resources to help them learn how to be independent and find a job. The thing is, you're not stuck between a rock and a hard place. No one is. You're not pa
    via NariRae_babybunny
  • OP NariRae_babybunny That is the issue- they do not have plans for when their health declines and essentially shut down when I try to bring up the conversation. I have made it clear that I am unable and unwilling to take in my sibling when the time comes but I still would like to help in what ways I am unable. You are right though- if I offer and they are not interested, I cannot do anymore.
    via NariRae_babybunny
  • OP NariRae_babybunny My sibling mostly avoids speaking with me because I try to hold them accountable whereas they know my parents will not have hard conversations with them. I really appreciate the help with the wording on moving away from conversing about this because my first instinct is to help/to try to make things better when I know it really isn't my responsibility.
    via NariRae_babybunny
  • Unlucky-Mulberry-999 maybe your parents should, i dont know, parent. instead of leaving that job to their child (you) to do.
    via NariRae_babybunny
  • OP NariRae_babybunny XD You are funny! But also, you are right and I should remember that... thank you.
    via NariRae_babybunny
  • III_Dragonfly_6673 Please read Mel Robbin's Let Them Theory. You can't make your sibling change. You can't make your parents grow spines or stop them from complaining. You CAN do a number of things so this isn't stressful for you.
    via NariRae_babybunny
  • OP NariRae_babybunny Added to my TBR. Thank you <3
    via NariRae_babybunny
  • Western-Breadfruit71 Tell your parents that you don't want to discuss it anymore. They created this problem and it's theirs to solve. Make it known to all that you aren't bailing anyone out so they better make a plan that doesn't include you.
    via NariRae_babybunny
  • OP NariRae_babybunny Oooof, thank you. That's... helpful.
    via NariRae_babybunny
  • JCMidwest your sibling and your parents aren't your responsibility, and you are failing to do the exact thing you are complaining about them not doing, that is setting and enforcing boundaries and holding people accountable. Stop listening to your parents complain and tell them one time that they should stop enabling your sibling
    via NariRae_babybunny
  • OP NariRae_babybunny Oof, 100% I cut them off for a while and it was honestly relieving. Thank you for the reminder to set and \keep\\ boundaries.
    via NariRae_babybunny
  • HatsAndTopcoats Every time your parents complain to you, just respond, "Yes, you should kick them out. They're never going to change as long as you're taking care of them." That is the answer. There's no other answer. They have the answer. If they want a response from you, you just keep giving them the same answer, matter-of-factly. You're not trying to convince them; they can do what they want. But whether or not they choose to do it, the fact is that they should kick your sibling out and the s
    via NariRae_babybunny
  • OP NariRae_babybunny Much appreciated!
    via NariRae_babybunny
  • lizzyote "Not my problem" like a broken record. You made your stance know.
    via NariRae_babybunny

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family drama inheritance brother mother tradition siblings family feud favoritism sister retirement unemployment Father
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