Mom demands healthcare worker sister-in-law drives 6-year-old daughter to school, gets upset when she refuses: 'She knows I work irregular shifts'

Author image for Ally Perry
Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Nov 17, 2025 12:00 PM EST

Personal responsibility is a vital part of parenting.

It may be true that raising a child takes a village, but there is a difference between friends and family willingly helping out the parents they know, and those parents assuming that they will take over duties that they are simply not able to. At the end of the day, the parents are the ones who have to be the principal caretakers of their children, unless extenuating circumstances say otherwise.

This is an issue that can cause difficulties in families where parents hope that their close relatives will step up and help them to a higher level than they are able. The fact is that other people have plenty of responsibilities too, and they have to work around that to care for somebody else's kids. They can't always afford to drop everything just because it is convenient for the parents that they know.

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  • a woman fastens a seatbelt on a young girl sat in the back of a vehicle
    via Colin + Meg (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • This is something that one young woman was struggling with after facing backlash for refusing to drive her niece to school. Her sister-in-law had requested that she do this, as the hospital she worked at was a 5-minute drive from the girl's school, and she didn't have access to a car while her husband was working.

    However, the woman felt she was unable to help as her job required her to work unpredictable shift patterns that were very difficult to change. She also felt that it wasn't that difficult for the mom to walk her child to school from where they were currently living. Many of her family members had begun to accuse her of being selfish, and she wanted a second opinion.

  • AITA for telling my SIL to walk her daughter to school?

    I (f23) am a university graduate and live at home with my mother. She owns the house with a mortgage that's been fully paid off. I pay her rent (around half of the market rate for our area) and do most of the housework. Me and my mother both work a lot, I work in healthcare and work irregular shift patterns and my mum is self-employed and occasionally has to travel for work.
    via WalkToSchool8967
  • My brother (m31), his wife "Rose" (f31) and their daughter (f6) moved back into our mum's house on Friday. They got a mortgage on a home but it turned out to have a lot of maintenance issues, the biggest ones being with their toilet and shower not functioning. Also their heating doesn't work. It's estimated to take at least a month to fix everything so in the meantime they're staying here.
    via WalkToSchool8967
  • Rose came to me and asked if I could take their daughter to school, as her school is a 5 minute drive from the hospital. Normally their neighbour (who has a child the same age) would take her to school but that's no longer an option. My brother works full-time and his shifts clash with doing this (he starts at 7am) and he and Rose share a car, as she only works one shift a week on Sundays.
    via WalkToSchool8967
  • I told Rose that I can't commit to taking my niece to school everyday. She needs to be dropped off at school for 8am, and sometimes I'm doing overnight shifts that don't finish until 9-10am or I'm doing shifts that start really early in the morning.
    via WalkToSchool8967
  • Rose got a bit upset and asked why I can't just explain to my boss that I need to be available for school drop-off. She didn't wait for an answer and said she knows it's not that simple but she needs me to help her. In my job, if you start requesting restricted availability, they will give you way less shifts.
    via WalkToSchool8967
  • I couldnt understand why Rose wouldn't walk her daughter to school, as it's a 15 minute walk from our mum's house to get there, with no hills and plenty of safe crossings. Rose and their daughter don't have any health conditions that would make this not doable. I asked Rose why she wouldn't walk her daughter to school and she said that is too far to walk with a young child. I showed her the distance on Google maps (I assumed she wasn't aware of how close it was) and she reiterated that it was to
    via WalkToSchool8967
  • I said to Rose I think that's her best option but I cannot take her daughter to school everyday. Later that day my mum told me that Rose came to her really upset that I refused to help. My mum said she knows I normally work irregular shifts but that it'd be a really nice thing for me to do. I feel like I'm going crazy because when I was a kid I went to the same school and my mum walked me there and back from this house!! I said no and my mum said that's fine I understand.
    via WalkToSchool8967
  • Now I've got my brother calling me selfish and he said it's a small ask that even their neighbour could do it and I'm refusing. Am I really such an asshole???
    via WalkToSchool8967
  • a female healthcare worker wearing a stethoscope points left against a white background
    via WalkToSchool8967

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Other people confirmed she wasn't in the wrong.

    giantbrownguy NTA. If your brother is so adamant that shifting your work schedule is such a reasonable request, tell him to change his own. As her dad he should be stepping up. If he can't change his work schedule to accommodate it, why would you be able to? Who gets to leave early for school drop offs. Your SIL needs to stop being lazy.
    via giantbrownguy
  • Dry_Future_852 Rose can drive her husband to work and then she'll have the car to drive the kid.
    via Dry_Future_852
  • No-Culture-3540 NTA. Not your child, her parents need to figure it out. The entitlement wow. " can you please change your schedule and possibly risk your job to take my daughter to school because I'm too lazy!" Just yuck. Stand your ground, you're the only sensible person on this scenario
    via No-Culture-3540
  • Neither-Dentist-7899 NTA. By their own logic, the father of the children could shift his schedule to drop off his child. How's the kid getting home? Walking?
    via Neither-Dentist-7899
  • Ohaibaipolar NTA. It's HER daughter not yours.
    via Ohaibaipolar
  • wesmorgan1 Your job is YOUR priority. Her child should be HER priority. That's all there is to it. You are absolutely NTA. ps> you may need to explain to your mom about getting fewer shifts if you limit your availability...in financial terms.
    via wesmorgan1
  • Myriamjean NTA A 6 years old is perfectly able to walk 15 minutes (I was doing it when I was 4) and that a perfectly good way to have some exercise. Your SIL is lazy and your niece is not your responsibility!
    via Myriamjean
  • Gullible_Flow2693 If I went to my work and said I needed to be available for school drop offs. They would tell me.... Why? You dont have any children. ΝΤΑ
    via Gullible_Flow2693
  • Axiom713 NTA- your brother can talk to his boss to change his own hours to sort out his own children. However, your SIL is completely able to walk 15mins with her child to get her to school. Even if the walk was longer it would still be doable. When did people stop using their legs?
    via Axiom713
  • Heraonolympia123 If an aunt can ask for adjusted hours (according to your SiL) then surely the child's father can too? If its easy for you to "explain to your boss" then it should be easy for your brother to do the same thing, right?
    via Heraonolympia123
  • ThePurplestMeerkat NTA. Your niece and her schooling are not suddenly your responsibility because your brother bought a lemon house. If your sister-in-law says it's too far to walk then she can get a bike, get a scooter, or call an Uber. Expecting you to change your work shifts when you are undoubtedly already shifting your life around to make room for their family in your home is a wild level of selfishness.
    via ThePurplestMeerkat
  • Sea_Roof3637 If your mum thinks you should be inconvenienced, maybe she should drive the kid to school? Oh wait that would be an inconvenience for her. NTA
    via Sea_Roof3637

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family drama aita school brother hospital work parenting sister in law family healthcare reddit thread daughter Reddit mom
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