Employee refuses to reply to boss's texts during their day off, purposely turns their phone off to avoid the endless calls, leading to a workplace dispute: ‘What's the point of time off?’

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  • got guilt-tripped for not answering messages on my day off

    so i'm a PM and honestly i barely ever take time off. like maybe once every few months when life really forces me.
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  • last friday i finally took a day because my family was actually getting lunch together for the first time in forever.
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  • everyone's been busy and it felt kinda important to show up for once. i told my team on wednesday that i'm out friday.
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  • reminded them again thursday afternoon. set my status. put it in the calendar. literally did the whole parade so nobody could say they didn't know.
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  • i even wrote "quick heads up i'm offline tomorrow so i won't be checking anything at all." anyway friday rolls around and i'm at the restaurant, feels kinda nice honestly, and food finally hits the table.
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  • i look at my phone once and see it buzzing and i'm like ok i'm not doing this today.
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  • i put it face down. then at 11:40ish my dev pings "hey sorry to bug you on your off day but can you check something real quick" real quick is never real quick dude.
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  • i ignored it. then around noon my manager texts me some "we needed your input on this" type message like i'm just waiting at home staring at my laptop on my day off.
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  • bro i'm literally sitting across from my parents who i haven't had a proper meal with in like five months.
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  • i'm trying to eat like a normal human for once. i got home around three and checked messages and of course it's all the passive aggressive stuff like "would've been nice to hear from you earlier" and "ok we figured it out but just keep an eye out next time" next time what.
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  • next time i take a day off. ok sure. you preach balance and then melt down the moment someone is not glued to slack.
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  • like what's the point of time off if you're basically punished for actually taking it.
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  • Civil_Fox3900 If that happens, just reduce your time taken by 4 hours for each call (and don't go in).
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  • OP Fantastic-Nerve7068 Imao honestly that's probably the only language some places understand. you take my off day then i'm taking my hours back. simple math
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  • LordOfTheMoans3 Speaking from experience, honestly I'm proud of you for ignoring the messages. So many people feel pressured into checking in "just for a minute," and suddenly their entire day is derailed. Boundaries only work when you actually enforce them, and you did. The emotional manipulation afterward, the "would've been nice," the "keep an eye out next time" is just them trying to reestablish control. You don't owe them guilt because they refuse to be functional without you.
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  • OP Fantastic-Nerve 7068 yeah exactly this. they only get away with that stuff because most of us cave the second someone says "quick question." the moment you hold the line even once, people suddenly act like you committed a crime. it's wild. but you're right... boundaries don't mean anything unless you actually protect them, and honestly it felt kinda good to not jump like a trained dog the second slack buzzed. if they can't plan or function without me for a few hours, that's a them problem, no
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  • mahsa32 Somehow they could manage it without you. There was no need to bother you. Shocking.
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  • OP Fantastic-Nerve7068 i know right and they still decide to do it i hate that sometimes employers think that they own employees
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  • AshtonBlack I work for a very large international company. Here in the UK, for this department, managers can get into trouble if they contact people on leave. They can still contact you, but they need HR and their own boss to sign it off as "critical". Works pretty well, basically, they can contact you, but they'd better have a good reason for it.
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  • OP Fantastic-Nerve7068 damn honestly that sounds like the dream
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  • Ukeharbayno Perfect, turning PTO into IOU, love this new math
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  • mrsmiley32 I'm salary, if I am obligated to get online at all I'm not listing the day as PTO even if I only worked 15min. One of the marginal benefits of no overtime.
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  • omgwhatamidoing007 Can you set it up so you don't even see the messages until you're back at work? Do you have a separate work phone you can leave in a drawer until 9am next business day?
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  • nwood 1973 Personally, if its me all they would get is an answering machine message. If I'm on leave, I WILL NOT answer the phone or log in on my computer and everyone knows that. I can pretty much take it from the attitudes that you are very likely working in the US. UK and European work culture is very different - if your work tried that in France for example, they could get in deep trouble with their staff and unions (there is a legal "right to disconnect").
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  • YoungCash Register69 Indeed. Setting boundaries isn't about them.... it's about protecting your own space. Good on you for sticking to it.
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  • AMonkeyAndALavaLamp I understand you're in management and probably wouldn't normally do this, but at least for days off you should consider setting up a focus mode on your phone so you're not even bothered with notifications. I know it took a lot from you not to respond in the moment, but they shouldn't even get a delayed response. Your day off it your time, not theirs. And this especially goes if you're one of the few PMs that respects that when a subordinate takes time off.
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