Wife bans husband from Thanksgiving dinner after he refuses to go grocery shopping, spends the holiday with her parents instead: ‘he snapped at me’

Author image for Bar Mor Hazut
Bar Mor Hazut • Senior Editor
Dec 3, 2025 3:00 PM EST

They say it takes a village to raise kids, and while that's completely true, there are a few other domestic elements that would benefit a lot from having a village working on them.

Like the preparation for Thanksgiving dinner.

Every year, we all tell ourselves that we will start preparing for Thanksgiving as early as possible. Get the recipes and ingredients prepared, clean the house, send out the invitation, and anything else that can be done in advance. But even if you do all of that, no one can really prepare for all the work that happens on the actual Thanksgiving weekend. If only we all had a village to work with, things would have been much easier.

Unfortunately, most of us don't have a village, but we do have our families. A partner who can take some of the load off of you, help you with the groceries, the cooking, or the cleaning. If they refuse to do even that, as the husband in the story below did, then we can't blame those who don't really feel thankful at Thanksgiving.

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  • Tired Housewife Cooking in Kitchen
    via Africa images

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • AITA for banning my husband from Thanksgiving Dinner?

    I (33f) and my husband (42m) have been together for 10 years, married for almost 4 and have loved together for 8.
    via OneConfection6363
  • We usually spend Thanksgiving with my parents (who live down the road) and Christmas with his mom (who lives 3 hours away) In the past he had a very demanding job, worked 50+hours a week and was on call at all times.
    via OneConfection6363
  • Meanwhile, I work an office job, set schedule and holidays off. I learned to cook Thanksgiving dinner for us all and always did the shopping.
    via OneConfection6363
  • This year however, my husband quit his demanding job a few months ago that was causing a lot of mental heath issues and found a new job in the same field that he loves.
    via OneConfection6363
  • It's lower pay and part time, but he makes up for it financially with his eBay account which he makes a decent amount off of.
    via OneConfection6363
  • I've been thinking about Thanksgiving but hadn't been able to get to the store like I usually do every year because on top of my job I'm taking college classes this semester trying to start on my bachelors degree.
    via OneConfection6363
  • Plus last week I came down sick with a sinus infection and was out from Monday night through Sunday.
    via OneConfection6363
  • I'm still feeling stuffy and congested, but I've been going to work and wearing a mask.
    via OneConfection6363
  • I asked my husband yesterday to please go to the store and get something, anything for Thanksgiving
    via OneConfection6363
  • I worked until 8 and when I got home, he was playing video games and said he forgot.
    via OneConfection6363
  • But he showed me he went to the little Italian grocers next door for lunch to get a sub, and picked up Cranberry Sauce.
    via OneConfection6363
  • He could have gotten the other items for thanksgiving right there, but "it was too crowded" so after he got his sub he left.
    via OneConfection6363
  • A Person Holding a Bowl of Dish
    via Karola G

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • I know how long that cue takes to get your sub. While he was waiting for his number to be called, he could have easily walked around and picked up the other items.
    via OneConfection6363
  • So today, he has a half day at work, so I asked him this morning if he could please go to the store once he gets off to get what we need for Thanksgiving and he snapped at me.
    via OneConfection6363
  • Saying that this wasn't all his fault, and we both forgot and he doesn't like how I'm telling him "you need to do this and you need to do that" (which I didn't, I asked politely) and now he doesn't even want to do Thanksgiving because of all the pressure he feels.
    via OneConfection6363
  • So I'm going to call my parents, ask them to go to the store and pick up what they can for a small thanksgiving, and spend it with them.
    via OneConfection6363
  • He doesn't want to do thanksgiving, fine, but my parents will not be left in the lurch because of his attitude.
    via OneConfection6363
  • KristinSM NTA, you're not even banning him as your title suggests since he said he doesn't want to do Thanksgiving. I have to wonder, though: Where is the partnership in your marriage? I think it goes without saying that the spouse who has more time and is not still recovering from an illness would be the one to step in and do the grocery shopping for an upcoming holiday.
    via KristinSM
  • FLmom67 It's called "weaponized incompetence" and "male entitlement." And you gotta ask yourself if you want to keep living with this.
    via FLmom67
  • demed13 NTA. He had time for a sub but not for a few basics, and then snapped when you asked again after being sick and juggling work and classes. That's not pressure, that's partnership. Go to your parents, keep it low key, and talk to him later about expectations and follow through. Also, if he's still figuring out work stuff and you're considering extra income down the line, I've had better luck with legit remote roles coming via wfhalert, it just emails real listings like customer support or
    via demed13
  • Mean_Prize5459 NTAH. If he doesn't want to do Thanksgiving, that's fine. He doesn't have to. But he doesn't get to demand that you also not do Thanksgiving. He doesn't get to make that choice for you. He also doesn't get to feel entitled to the product of other people's work (the shopping and food prep) after refusing to contribute.
    via Mean_Prize5459
  • BeekeepingKnits I assume that's supposed to say "lived together almost 8" but... What an interesting Freudian slip...
    via BeekeepingKnits
  • MitchyS68 What are you getting out of this relationship?
    via MitchyS68
  • Guilty-Vermicelli320 NTA I don't blame you for wanting to be away from him
    via Guilty-Vermicelli320
  • katelyst A married man with a bachelor attitude. It sounds like he chose to opt out of Thanksgiving so that you'd stop guilting him (not that you are actually doing that, you're just asking him to be an equal partner). He probably didn't think this would escalate further and that he would actually be left out, but that's his pill to swallow, not yours. Yours will be determining whether this event is a singularity or part of a pattern, and whether you are okay with allowing this standard or wheth
    via katelyst

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relationship advice aita marriage thanksgiving wife relationship-drama relationships husband advice couples love food family dinner married
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