28-year-old dines out with mom, uncle, and 11-year-old cousin, uncle flips out when nobody will pay for his son: 'I'm never going out to eat with him again'

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Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Dec 1, 2025 1:00 PM EST

First dates are not the only scenarios where there can be drama about who foots the bill.

In fact, it is just as common for families to fight when it comes to who is paying for what when they spend time together, and many other things besides. There are plenty of people out there who feel entitled to the contents of their relatives' wallets, in all kinds of different situations and for many different reasons. Sometimes, those being asked to pay have to be as shameless in their refusal as the request was in the first place.

While it is perfectly normal and even a good practice for family members to cover each other's costs now and then, where the line gets drawn can prove to be some dangerous territory. Nobody wants to get taken advantage of, but nobody wants to be accused of being selfish, either. There is a delicate balance to strike.

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  • a young boy sits at a restaurant table eating some bread
    via Annie Spratt

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • It is often the case that when kids are involved in family plans, the business of who pays for what becomes a little more complex. This is what happened when one woman went out for lunch with her mom, uncle, and young cousin, and then faced her uncle's anger after she and her mom refused to help him pay for his son's portion of the bill.

    The woman and her mom felt that he was being unreasonable in his request, not least because the mom had never asked him to help her pay for her kids' meals when they were growing up. However, the uncle was still annoyed and felt that they were being selfish. She looked for a second opinion.

  • AITA for not helping pay for my cousin's meal?

    I (28f) went out for lunch with my mom (46), my uncle (36) and his son (11) yesterday. Uncle chose the place and insisting on everyone sharing a huge barbecue, even though my mom and I wanted to eat something else. Once the bill comes, I divide it by four and say that he should pay for himself and my cousin
    via ExplorerAdditional86
  • while my mom and I each pay for our own part. He gets angry at this and says that every adult should cover a third of the bill because my cousin obviously can't contribute. It's not the first time he's done it. My mom points out
    via ExplorerAdditional86
  • that she never made him or anyone else help pay for my meals when I was a kid but uncle insists. I agree to play extra because I don't want to make a scene at the restaurant but get angry because I'm expending a good amount of money on a food I'm not enthusiastic about.
    via ExplorerAdditional86
  • a wooden platter with barbecue meat, sauces, and roasted vegetables on it
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)
  • I tell my mom that I'm never going out to eat with him again, in fact I had previously said that and only agreed to this lunch because it was supposed to be in a cheap restaurant but uncle changed his mind about the place at the last minute. Uncle overhears and agrees to
    via ExplorerAdditional86
  • give us the money but gets angry and calls us selfish. For context, I'm a teacher so I'm not exactly rolling in cash. My mom and my uncle are both better off than me financially, not rich or anything but he could definitely cover half the bill. AITA?
    via ExplorerAdditional86
  • a closeup of two hands operating a digital cash register
    via Simon Kaluda

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Hi_hello_hi_howdy I could see if your uncle was saying "my kid ate very little compared to all the adults, so let's split it 3 ways" however given all the information it sounds like your uncle picked everything about this. My only question is, why isn't anyone telling the uncle no? If you're pretending to agree to keep the peace and then suddenly getting pissed at the end of the meal, that's kind of your fault. Tell him you don't want barbecue if you don't want it. Tell him you want a different
    via Hi_hello_hi_howdy
  • OP ExplorerAdditional86 The restaurant my uncle chose was one my mom had been wanting to try out for a while so I didn't complain about the change because of that.
    via ExplorerAdditional86
  • BaeDJ NTA imo the uncle should pay for everything since it was his suggestion to eat at that place. In our family it's usually one person paying but I understand that not all families are the same. But yeah if they are making it a big deal that you ask them to pay it's a big red flag, flashbacks to people I know that for example won't pay you back for money they owe you kinda vibe
    via BaeDJ
  • OP ExplorerAdditional86 My uncle spends his money recklessly and gives big gifts to family (he bought me a new handbag out of the blue a few months because the one I was using was getting old) but then expects everyone to have similar gestures or to pay for his, or at least his kid's, food when we go out. For example, he gave my mom a bunch of presents for mother's day even though she's obviously not his mom nor do they have a parent child relationship but now told her that he wants new sneakers
    via ExplorerAdditional86
  • AceyAceyAcey NTA parents are responsible for their children's food and board.
    via AceyAceyAcey
  • hin_inc Nta not your semen not your demon
    via hin_inc
  • No-Abalone4897 NTA. The moment your uncle changed the restaurant, you should've changed your mind about going out with him. There's no reason why he can't cover the bill for himself and the cousin. Insist him on paying you back.
    via No-Abalone4897
  • Fair Theme_9388 - Absolutely NTA, your uncle is responsible for paying for his own kid, especially since he chose a more expensive place to eat. He knew what he was doing by insisting everyone split a large meal. However it sounds like you knew this was going to happen since he's done it before, so why did you agree to let him choose the restaurant in the first place? Either stand your ground and have everyone agree on where to eat, or don't go out to eat with him again. Edit for grammar
    via Fair_Theme_9388
  • appleblossom 1962 NTA. Your uncle should take care of his own child. In the future, if you go out with him, be sure and let your server know that you want separate tickets when you order. Then there's no confusion whatsoever.
    via appleblossom1962
  • WhzPop Your uncle is an AH.
    via WhzPop
  • lovewholly NTA. Get your money back & stick to your guns: don't go out to eat with uncle again.
    via lovewholly
  • chuckinhoutex NTA- it's this simple- who is selfish? The one paying for themselves or the one trying to get others to pay? He clearly had a plan and he's miffed you stood up for yourselves.
    via chuckinhoutex

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