47-year-old wife earning 25% more than her husband hides 20% of her annual bonus from him so he doesn't judge her spending habits: 'He comments every time I buy something about how much it costs, and I just can't stand it.'

They are both hiding money from each other.

One of the most essential things in a marriage is being honest with your partner. If you're afraid to communicate with them about something that's bothering you, or are hiding something big from them, this feeling is going to come out in other ways. If you're mad that your husband never takes out the trash, even when it's overflowing, and you don't tell him you're angry about that, you're more likely to be passive-aggressive or yell at him. You might argue that he should know to take the trash out when it's overflowing, and you'd be right, but he must understand his incompetence is hurting his wife's feelings. If he knows that, he might change and start taking out the trash. Or maybe he doesn't care that it upsets his wife, and if so, there are definitely deeper issues in the relationship that need to be examined.

Hiding money and assets from your partner can be a big red flag. Sometimes people hide money from their partner because they're in a bad relationship and need money to get out of it. Other times, people don't trust their partners with a large sum of money, and instead of talking about that issue like adults, they hide the money and let the underlying problems simmer. 

Author image for Emmy Pratt Emmy Pratt
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