New mother refuses to lend money to help her in-laws fix their car, claims she needs to provide for her newborn, husband takes his parents' side: ‘He has held a grudge’

Author image for Bar Mor Hazut
Bar Mor Hazut • Senior Editor
Dec 13, 2025 5:00 PM EST

In case you didn't know, babies are really expensive. Some couples start to save money years before they actually plan on having a baby, just to get a head start on all the expenses a baby is responsible for. 

The hospital stay, diapers, food, clothes, furniture, and eventual daycare are just a drop in the ocean of expenses new parents deal with, along with the fact that at least one parent usually takes a leave, and they have to manage with one income, at least for a little while.

So while the new parents in the story below were dealing with all of that, on top of actually taking care of a newborn baby, their in-laws decided it was the right time to ask them for money. Their daughter-in-law, however, knew the only one they should spend money on was their baby, so she told her in-laws no. Her husband, on the other hand, disagrees with her decision and claims they should help his parents regardless of the baby.

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  • There's more family drama to the story, and years of grudge held, so keep scrolling to read the full tale. After that, check out this story of a woman who kicked her fiancé out after finding out what he really does with the money she gives for his business…

  • Mother with newborn baby in arms, Person Counting Money
    via Karola G

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • AITA for disapproving of my in laws asking to borrow money when we just had a baby?

    I would be very grateful for any feedback regarding the following scenario. When I met my husband he had no money, only small debt.
    via No_Carob_8400
  • At the time he was trying to build a small business. One night he messaged me and suggested that we move to a popular coastal town, get married and have babies.
    via No_Carob_8400
  • I was very happy about this. I owned a property and had savings. I sold my property, we purchased a home together at the coastal town and discovered that I was pregnant.
    via No_Carob_8400
  • I was very happy about the pregnancy due to losing my mother in recent months. We stayed in the city until after our first child arrived and saved for my maternity leave and I paid off his small debt.
    via No_Carob_8400
  • My husband did not have enough money to purchase an engagement ring and therefore we delayed engagement and marriage.
    via No_Carob_8400
  • Soon after moving to the house and having the baby, my father in law asked to borrow some money due their car breaking down and needing a new motor.
    via No_Carob_8400
  • My in-laws had lent their modest life savings to my husband's sister and her husband to buy a business.
    via No_Carob_8400
  • I felt uncomfortable about being asked by my husband parents to lend money when we had just had a baby, moved to a new town and were trying to manage on my husbands modest wage.
    via No_Carob_8400
  • My husband was angry that I resisted the request and has held a grudge against me for the past 17 years.
    via No_Carob_8400
  • I tried to explain that I overwhelmed by the added responsibility of supporting his parents. I had lost my main support, my mother and I had been generous with my money.
    via No_Carob_8400
  • I felt it was inappropriate and believed that it was a problem for his sister and her husband.
    via No_Carob_8400
  • Grateful to learn how others see this situation.
    via No_Carob_8400
  • Mother with newborn baby in arms
    via Sarah Chai

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • organisedchaos 17 It's been 17 years. Probably not worth dwelling on at this point. But sounds like you were something of a cash cow to this family hubs included.
    via organisedchaos17
  • OP No_Carob_8400 thank you
    via No_Carob_8400
  • Ordinary-Audience363 Why has your husband held a grudge for an entire 17 years? That sounds insane. What does he say to you? Does he bring it up regularly? You contributed your own property to the marriage and helped him out of debt. He should be grateful. Perhaps he felt ashamed that he couldn't help his parents and he is blaming you. You did the right thing. Also, if you have been apologizing, stop doing that because he will just continue giving you trouble. NTA
    via Ordinary-Audience363
  • OP No_Carob_8400 thank you
    via No_Carob_8400
  • chaserscarlet What money was your husband supposed to lend? He was in debt, and couldn't even afford the lifestyle you wanted - how the hell was he supposed to fund his parents? NTA but if he hasn't let it go after 17 years he needs a reality check
    via chaserscarlet
  • Acceptable-Net-154 So you bought the bulk of the finances into the relationship. You gave your husband a baby and he's held a grudge for the majority of that child's life as you rightly refused to bankroll his adult family members. You are NTA of this situation
    via Acceptable-Net-154
  • minicooperlove So he was in debt with a failing business when he proposed to you over... (checks notes)... text message? And then as soon as you had given up your job, home, and friends in the city (ie isolated with him) and were forever tied to him with a baby, his family ask you for money? Honey, there were huge red flags from the beginning here. NTA because that would be victim blaming but I'm sorry to tell you that your husband only married you to get himself and his family out of debt. That
    via minicooperlove
  • Inevitable_Entry6518 He sounds like a total deadbeat. Why taking such a responsibility as a family and babies if you can't afford it and therefore making your wife be a main breadwinner? He should have given you back the money you'd paid for his "small debt", provide for his children and THEN use HIS own money to help his parents. NTA
    via Inevitable_Entry6518
  • cassowary32 NTA. 17 years? Your husband needs therapy. Maybe he took advantage of your grief but it's nuts that you'd sell everything to buy a home with a guy that offered not much at all at the time. Then be expected to be the cash cow for his family too? Are you at least thriving now?
    via cassowary32
  • Major_Friendship4900 NTA. Why are you still with him?
    via Major_Friendship4900
  • residentcaprice The fact that he held onto it for 17 years shows how petty he is. If he was so eager to help them he could have taken a loan for them. There is no need to explain to him. He should be ashamed for relying on you to pay off his loan instead.
    via residentcaprice

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Tags

family drama aita mother siblings parenting in laws family paycheck sister newborn money parents children Father
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