Friends' Secret Santa spoiled when one friend gets careless candle, candy, and mini nail polish as her gift: ‘I do a secret Santa every year with my friends, this is the first year I've felt disappointed & honestly kinda hurt’

Author image for Etai Eshet
Etai Eshet • Editor
Dec 22, 2025 5:00 PM EST

This year's Secret Santa started fine until one friend opened her gifts and realized the magic didn't quite make it to her. A random candle that smells like a hotel lobby. A nail polish set, she literally said she didn't want. Some candy that might have fallen out of a gas station bag. Sure, one thing came from her wishlist, but the rest felt thrown together at the last second. Everyone else got neat, thoughtful stuff. Hers looked like a rushed grab before checkout.  

The thing is, this group actually takes Secret Santa seriously. It's their end‑of‑year tradition, the kind that usually means effort and inside jokes. They don't just buy things, they show they notice details. So seeing everyone unwrap perfect little gifts while hers looked like an accident was, yeah, deflating. Not rage‑level bad, just that quiet sting that comes when someone close forgets what makes you you. 

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  • Am I wrong for getting annoyed at my secret Santa gifts from a friend?

    A woman sitting at a table opens a gift box with a disappointed, unimpressed expression, looking inside skeptically, with a drink beside her and soft natural light in the background, capturing awkward gift-giving and unmet expectations.
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    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • I do a secret Santa every year with my friends, this is the first year I've felt disappointed & honestly kinda hurt.
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  • We have the same budget every year & have wish lists that everyone has access to make it easier.
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  • I got one thing from my list & then what felt like gifts that didn't have any thought put into them.
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  • A candle in the shape of a Christmas tree with a scent that's not like me at all, mini nail polish pack (I specifically asked for no nails stuff because I buy it all myself anyway - though I'm not sure if she saw the message) & random candy (not even my favourite kind).
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  • Everyone else got multiple things from their list, or things they liked. I gifted the whole of the list for my person (luckily all in budget).
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  • A woman sitting at home during the holidays opens a Christmas gift box with a visibly disappointed expression, surrounded by festive lights and a decorated Christmas tree, capturing an awkward holiday gift moment.
    via Nicoleta Ionescu

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • I also got her favourite chocolates, another girl received all her favourite foods and another received a coffee kit (we know she loves coffee) - none of these were on the wishlists but they still made sense.
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  • I think that's what hurt, seeing the thought that went into everyone else's gifts. I feel like the wishlists show the kid of things we like and our personalities and aside from one, the other gifts didn't match that at all.
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  • I messaged my family group chat when I got home (they always love to see what I get lol) and they also thought the gifts were an odd choice for me.
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  • They also guessed who it was straight away based off the gifts... I feel terrible for being disappointed and know I must sound really ungrateful/spoilt.
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  • She did get one thing from my list and I can see why she got the nail kit (I'm super into that stuff but very particular about it so just prefer to buy everything myself).
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  • I'm also hoping I didn't show the disappointment on my face. But it just feels like she ran out of time or didn't care much when buying my gifts.
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  • So am I right in being annoyed or am I just being irrational?
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  • Careless-Major 1445 Some people just suck
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  • my_museme Gift giving is personal, and when thoughtfulness is missing, it's totally normal to feel disappointed
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  • Apprehensive-Pop-201 I have NEVER gotten a decent secret Santa gift. It's a pointless thing.
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  • ZealousidealAntelope You need to understand that there are people who don't care as much about gift giving as you do. You are not wrong to be annoyed. But it is irrational to assume that Secret Santa gifts will always meet your own personal standards. Content yourself with the joy of giving what you consider the perfect gift, and don't be so judgy of those who are not so motivated. Its Christmas.
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  • gourmetprincipito I think being slightly annoyed is understandable. I think expressing it to them or badmouthing them much more would make you a jerk. They got you one thing on your list, it's rather uncommon for secret Santa's to do more than one gift, and they even got you more than one gift and even if you didn't like it you admit it had thought to it. Yes it's sort of a bummer that everyone else knocked it out of the park and you don't get to experience that but isn't your friendship bigger
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  • Sufficient_Beach_445 I have more important things to be disappointed about about in my life than getting the wrong kind of chocolate. I suspect you do to. Sorry it went badly, but move on.
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  • Cover Responsible5040 The few place I worked where Secret Santa was done, the idea was to be jokey and silly and cheap. I think that is the best way. It's not worth being invested in Secret Santa stuff.
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  • lilithONE You are not the jerk but you should probably adjust your expectations. Most of the stuff people give me goes directly into the box to donate. We had a secret Santa thing with 4 or 5 ladies from work and it was nice stuff, I just I'll never use it. Its still sitting near the front door from the day I brought it home. Can I just say I don't want anymore candles, speaking that into the universe.
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  • Tricky-Grab-4702 I get it, I've never done well with Secret Santa. I've always put a lot of thought into my gifts but received crap back. These were done at work and luckily I don't have it where I work now. I totally understand your disappointment
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  • VelvetBloom5 it's the absolute worst when u spend time and money trying to be thoughtful and u get a deodorant spray or some random junk in return. u aren't being petty, it's just basic respect to stick to the budget so no one feels left out or embarrassed during the exchange
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  • She goes home, shows the gifts to her family, and they guess who gave them immediately. That part says it all. Maybe it wasn’t meant to be careless, but it sure looked that way. And that’s what hurt most, not the cheap stuff, but the thought that wasn’t there.  In this Secret Santa, the candle wasn’t the problem. It’s that nothing about it said she mattered.

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friendship christmas bad friend Secret Santa friends mean girls
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