Family gives care home employees $100 each, manager flips out when worker refuses to give coworker without money $5 of her cash: ' don’t believe I should be financially responsible for a gift I didn’t organize'

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Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Dec 19, 2025 9:00 PM EST

The only thing worse than having a problem coworker is having management who is on their side.

From the perspective of a boss, few things are more important about managing people than trying to keep the peace. Happy, or at least not disgruntled, employees are a lot less likely to quit on you and leave you with the headache of filling another position.

Still, there are a lot of bad managers out there. They often make decisions that are supposedly about fairness, but end up causing more problems than they solve. Being an employee under these conditions can feel impossible, and at its worst, it can be actively discriminatory. Few things are more likely to get a person looking for a way out than dealing with management that does not appear to want to work in their interests. If they appear to favor other coworkers over you, that is just the cherry on top.

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  • an older and younger woman smile as they exchange a gift box and flowers
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • In this story, a care home worker felt conflicted when the family of one of the residents handed out cards to many staff members that had $100 in them. Official company policy was that employees were not allowed to accept financial gifts from residents or their families.

    Her manager knew about this gesture before it happened, but didn't realize that one employee had been left out of the giveaway. As a result, he demanded that a coworker who had a strained relationship with her give her $5.

    When she refused, the manager threatened to take away the $100 from everyone who received it. She stood her ground, but wanted to know who was in the wrong here.

  • AITAH for refusing to give $5 to my coworker after my manager pressured me & threatened to take everyone's $100 because of me?

    I work in a care facility where we are explicitly not allowed to accept financial gifts from residents or their families. Recently, a resident's family handed out cards to some staff members. I received one, not knowing there was money inside. I didn't open it at work or acknowledge it on the floor. Later, I found out the card contained $100.
    via Narrow_Gur_7567
  • What really bothers me is that my manager already knew the cards contained money and did not inform staff, even though accepting financial gifts is against policy. He allowed the situation to happen and only addressed it after the fact.
    via Narrow_Gur_7567
  • So, AITA for refusing to give $5 and standing my ground, or is my workplace completely out of line?
    via Narrow_Gur_7567
  • One coworker didn't receive a card or money. Instead of handling this professionally, my manager told me I should give her $5 out of my own pocket to "make it fair." I refused. I don't believe I should be financially responsible for a gift I didn't organize, didn't know about, and technically aren't even allowed to accept.
    via Narrow_Gur_7567
  • closeup of a person in a nursing uniform supporting the hands of an older person holding a cane
    via Curated Lifestyle (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • After I said no, my manager called me after work, demanding that I give money to this coworker. He then said that because of my refusal, everyone would lose their $100 and that it would be my fault. There is no written policy requiring staff to share gifts, and none of this was documented—it was all verbal pressure.
    via Narrow_Gur_7567
  • For additional context, the coworker who didn't get money has a history with me. She has been openly mean, has harassed me, and previously falsely accused me of elder abuse. Management is aware of this history, which makes it feel even more targeted that I was singled out to “fix” the issue by paying her.
    via Narrow_Gur_7567
  • a man's hand tucks a $100 bill into a brown leather wallet with a table in the background
    via Curated Lifestyle (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • TALKTOME0701 I'm thinking the manager told each person who received a gift card to give $5 to the person who didn't get one. Maybe OP is the only one who refused? It makes sense for the boss to say everybody with $100 give five to the person who didn't get one or you all have to return the cards. OP was the holdout because she doesn't like the person Hoping they respond
    via TALKTOME0701
  • OP Narrow_Gur_7567 I refused but got cornered & argued w my boss & I gave him the $5 because I couldn't go to the big boss at that moment since I was very upset & not able to keep my professional dementor
    via Narrow_Gur_7567
  • guitarromaniaco It's just $5, be the biggest heart and professional.... Again is just $5 -choose your battles-
    via guitarromaniaco
  • OP Narrow_Gur_7567 I ended up giving it but the lady has crossed many boundaries & my boss has been targeting me. Staff offered to cover my part & he rejected it. I decided imma keep my head down & find a new job.
    via Narrow_Gur_7567
  • Jealous-Tie-2599 I'd just give the $100 back to the person who gifted it and then report the Manager for accepting cash gifts and if you only report the Manager and not the others but they get in trouble too, you can tell them he was the one that dobbed them in. I'm assuming there's a reason the co-worker didn't get anything lol the money gifter clearly didn't like them
    via Jealous-Tie-2599
  • Hemiak I would've just said "what money? My card didn't have anything." I also would've asked the obvious question. When a bunch of coworkers all got tips from a well meaning family, why was this one specific worker ignored?
    via Hemiak
  • ImaginaryGift NTA, also sounds like you need to look for a new job, jfc
    via ImaginaryGift
  • Dry_Attempt7554 NTA. If the manager is that concerned about 'making it right', why won't they be the one to give the $5?
    via Dry_Attempt7554
  • Acrobatic-Mobile-605 How can the manager take money from the staff that wasn't his to begin with? Sounds like wage theft.
    via Acrobatic-Mobile-605
  • Repulsive-Job-9520 You can't stand on principle and keep the $100. While what the manager is asking of you is shady, you aren't exactly taking the moral high road unless you refuse the $100.
    via Repulsive-Job-9520
  • Fair_Text1410 Talk to HR. I think it would be better to give back the $100 to the family. HR would reinforce the policy and the manager knows this. You might need to look for another place to work. How do you know if the coworker didn't get the money, and is using you giving her the $5 to get you fired? This sounds sus.
    via Fair_Text1410
  • Elle_the_Belle16 33 years of health care experience here including upper management. Report the manager to whoever is over him/her. Every company has a compliance hotline. You can remain anonymous, if you wish. It is not ethical or ok to accept the money. Please contact the person who gave you the card and thank them but explain that it is against company policy to accept gifts and let them know that you would like to return it to them as soon as possible. If you decide to give your name, there
    via Elle_the_Belle16

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