Cruel dad scolds grandma for buying his 2 kids too many Christmas presents, making her cry: 'My husband grew up in a culture that didn’t celebrate Christmas.'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Senior Editor
Dec 25, 2025 8:00 AM EST

He can't control how Grandma spends her money, and he shouldn't try to.

It is a truth universally acknowledged that grandparents are supposed to spoil their grandkids in ways their parents aren't allowed to. I believe grandparents do this because they know they won't have as much time with their grandchildren as they'd like, and they want that time to be filled with as much joy and whimsy as possible. If that means giving in to their grandkids every wish and taking them to the zoo as frequently as possible, then that's beautiful. 

Grandparents are also known to have slightly more disposable income than parents. After all, they're not the ones paying for children's daily expenses, which add up so quickly. Grandma isn't buying new back-to-school clothes, nor is she putting gas in the tank so that Mom can drive the kids to soccer practice. Maybe you have a super-grandma who is always willing to give her child and grandchildren a helping hand with any mundane purchase. If you have a grandma like that in your life, consider yourself lucky. 

Heck, if you have any grandparent in your life who is willing and able to have a relationship with their grandkids, you're a lucky duck. Any parent who tells their kids' grandparents, "Hey, can you give them less attention?" doesn't know how lucky they have it. There are always some grandparents who go too far, treating their grandchildren as if they're their own children. But a grandpa buying his grandson one too many Hot Wheels isn't worth pitching a fit over. Someday, you'll miss the days of having too many Hot Wheels all over the carpet and wish you could go back to those days when grandpa was around to buy them. 

Advertisement
  • A Christmas tree with presents under it
    via Ozgu Ozden

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Am I the bad guy for refusing to demand that my family NOT buy my kids Christmas presents?

    I need some help here because I don't know if I'm being unreasonable. As I think a lot of parents would agree, the amount of stuff that comes with kids is overwhelming. My husband and I have two kids under the age of 10 and with birthdays and Christmas and other events and holidays we've accumulated a lot of stuff. I've done my best throughout
    via u/Little-Peanut9955
  • the years to give things away, pack things away, or throw things out as the kids outgrow them. My husband grew up in a culture that didn't celebrate Christmas and finds the amount of stuff the kids get to be too much. I do not disagree, both families love to spoil our kids. Every year at Christmas and on birthdays I try to give our families ideas for experiences or things that they
    via u/Little-Peanut9955
  • actually need. I am explicit every year that we find the amount of stuff overwhelming and what the kids could benefit from most is special time with them. I even put parameters like "please only one gift". My family and my mom in particular LOVES Christmas, and their love language is definitely gift giving.
    via u/Little-Peanut9955
  • A grandchild suprised his grandmother with a birthday present in the park
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Every year my husband and I get into a fight because I refuse to take the rules further. He wants me to put my foot down and demand that they follow our rules for gift giving. He doesn't think I'm being stern enough and even went so far as to say that he's made his mom cry so she would understand. (She's much worse than
    via u/Little-Peanut9955
  • my family- gives them crap every time she sees them). I refuse to go beyond what I've already done and also refuse to tell people how to spend their money, especially if it makes them happy and makes my kids happy. So am I the AH for refusing to demand that my family not buy my kids Christmas presents?
    via u/Little-Peanut9955
  • wonperson NTA. Your can't change people, but you can change yourself i.e. expectations. Also, what if you told your Mom and them that you'll be donating some of the gifts? This may cause them not to be so excessive
    via u/wonperson
  • OP Little-Peanut9955 I like this approach!
    via u/Little-Peanut9955
  • Young woman using tape dispenser while packing donated clothes into cardboard boxes
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Jobotica NTA but did your husband seriously make his mom cry over this? This is written like your husband has a problem with it and is acting like a spoiled brat about it. I understand he didn't celebrate growing up but he married into a culture that does. He needs to find a way to deal. This is a fairly common situation, honestly, and making his mom cry is way over the top. While I totally understand too much stuff, this is something you and he need to deal with. You've tried to talk to your fa
    via u/Jobotica
  • OP Little-Peanut9955 Thanks for this perspective. We suspect that he is on the spectrum and he's been diagnosed with OCD so those are compounding factors. He and his mom don't have a great relationship, they're a lot alike in many ways. She's a really sweet woman though.
    via u/Little-Peanut9955
  • salty_sapphic If OCD is part of why he feels the way he does about too many gifts, complying will only make him and his mental health worse. That's like number 1 in how to not treat OCD
    via u/salty_sapphic
  • OP Little-Peanut9955 I think it's definitely a factor. I learned this about OCD way too late and spent years appeasing his needs. Sometimes I don't know if I actually don't like something or if I don't like it because he doesn't. The "stuff" for instance. I'm not sure if I get overwhelmed by it because it's a lot of stuff or because he gets overwhelmed by it and his overwhelm impacts everyone in the home.
    via u/Little-Peanut9955
  • WinterSuspicious419 Youre kinda the AH because you and your husband both agree the kids have to much stuff and that the family gives them to much. He reinforced it to his family and I think you should do the same. Say some like "I know you guys love giving presents but unfortunately it gets very overwhelming with everyone giving the kids presents so please only give them 1 or 2 gifts and do the rest as experiences so the kids can still have fun and enjoy their gifts"
    via u/WinterSuspicious419
  • OP Little-Peanut9955 Oh I definitely do this every birthday and Christmas and even give practical ideas. I just refuse to take it beyond that and forcibly and angrily demand that they don't give extra gifts or execute full control over what I will "allow" them to gift my kids like he wants me to.
    via u/Little-Peanut9955
  • Jobotica Thanks for the extra info. I'll try to be a bit more compassionate in this reply since i understand mental illness can make things difficult. But please know that he needs to treat his OCD. His actions will make Christmas more stressful for everyone and it's already stressful enough on its own. Your kids are at the age where they will pick up on the stress, see how he treats you and others, and either grow up to resent him or to treat people how he does. Is that really what you want for
    via u/Jobotica
  • OP Little-Peanut9955 Thank you! I'm aware, he is working on it. We're in therapy individually and as a couple to build strategies
    via u/Little-Peanut9955
  • Clubbysmom I asked my mother and MIL to only buy my 7 year old daughter non tangible gifts. A seasons pass to the zoo, aquarium, anything that won't take up space. My daughter has a room full of toys and books but loves her IPad the most.
    via u/Clubbysmom
  • OP Little-Peanut9955 That's exactly what I ask for. It's great for all of us and gets them off devices
    via u/Little-Peanut9955
  • Charming_Ticket Give them this list A gift to read A gift to wear A gift they need A gift they want
    via u/Charming_Ticket
  • OP Little-Peanut9955 This is what I do for them to keep things in check! It's a good system
    via u/Little-Peanut9955
  • morbid_n_creepifying I'm actually gonna be an outlier and say NAH. I personally do not think your husband is being unreasonable by wanting you to be more stringent with the rules for your family giving gifts. Equally, I don't think that you're being unreasonable by just wanting to emphasize your policy to your family without actually making a huge deal out of it. It's a really difficult balance to strike. That being said, I think that both of you need to make sure you're on the same page with ho
    via u/morbid_n_creepifying
  • OP Little-Peanut9955 This is a really thoughtful answer, thank you!
    via u/Little-Peanut9955
  • Daddy Needs Juice YTA. You refuse to have the hard conversation with your mom because? You acknowledge your kids have too much stuff. He put his foot down for his mom and now you won't. You're trying to play the victim. Even though he set the boundary with his family, you won't with yours. So was it only a problem when his mom did it or?
    via u/DaddyNeedsJuice
  • OP Little-Peanut9955 I have had a hard conversation with my mom and she follows my boundaries for the most part. Some of his demands I find extreme and don't agree with, such as "only gift cards" or "experiences only". The kids are less than 10, I think there needs to be a balance. How could I possibly be the victim in this?
    via u/Little-Peanut9955
  • Wandering Scholar6 Question, is your family respecting those boundaries? (It was unclear in your post) If they aren't and you aren't enforcing then YTA, huge YTA. You decided on the boundaries as a team, a couple and you are not holding up your end of the deal. Parenting as team doesn't work if you aren't a team. Frankly continuing on this is dangerous for you as parents and even as partners, easily could lead to divorce and he'd be right. If they are respecting those boundaries, then NTA, if ev
    via u/Wandering_Scholar6
  • OP Little-Peanut9955 I would say they stick to the boundaries 95% of the time yes and I do call them out on the 5% every single time.
    via u/Little-Peanut9955

Want More? Follow Us and Add Us as a Preferred Source on Google.

Tags

christmas presents toys kids grandma dad mother in law family spoiled mom
Scroll Down For The Next Article