Girlfriend breaks up with her 34-year-old boyfriend because he hasn't seen his daughter since April of 2025: 'He sold himself as a great present dad, and I bought it.'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Senior Editor
Jan 1, 2026 11:00 AM EST

She's smart for leaving now, because the same thing that happened to his ex-girlfriend would happen to her.

It's important to look at people's dating history before you seriously consider a future with them. I'm not saying you should reject anyone without a perfect track record, but there are some things you should consider. If someone has never been in a long-term relationship, that might be a red flag, depending on both of your ages. If they're 24, who cares? If they're 40, there might be a reason for that. 

For many of us, it's less critical to suss out what someone hasn't done in previous relationships than to figure out what they have done. If they have been married previously, it might demonstrate to you that they have the capacity to commit to something so serious. Then again, it could mean they tend to commit too hard and too fast, especially if they've been married and divorced multiple times. 

One of the most important things to investigate is if your partner has children, and if they do, how they treat them. For many young people, it is a total dealbreaker to date somebody who has kids from a previous relationship. For others, it's much more important that their partner takes their duties as a mother or father seriously, and doesn't just let their ex take on all the child-rearing. If you want to have kids, you should only do it with someone who takes parenting seriously, and deadbeat parents don't take parenting seriously.

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  • Upset couple at home handsome man and beautiful woman are having quarrel sitting on a sofa together family problems
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • The girlfriend in this story discovered that her boyfriend was completely uninvolved in his daughter's life 7 months into their relationship. She decided to end the relationship for that reason, and now her boyfriend is begging her to take him back.

  • Am I the bad guy for breaking up with my boyfriend because he hasn’t seen his child since April?

    My bf(34M) and I (29F) have been seeing each other since last December. We began dating casually but our relationship became serious in June. He has
    via u/MysteriousFocus1884
  • daughter(8F) and I was quite apprehensive about dating a man with a child but he sold himself as a great present dad and I bought it.
    via u/MysteriousFocus1884
  • Occasionally, I would ask after his daughter but I didn't want to be overly enmeshed in that part of his life since our relationship is fairly new.
    via u/MysteriousFocus1884
  • The issue began at the end of November when I received my niece's (8F) Santa Wishlist which prompted me to ask my bf about his daughter's Wishlist seeing that she was the same
    via u/MysteriousFocus1884
  • age as my niece. He told me he hadn't received it and I advised him to ask for it soon or risk having all the cool stuff selling out and disappointing his daughter. He told he would.
    via u/MysteriousFocus1884
  • A week or so later, I asked my bf if he would like to join me on 13 December for gift shopping especially for my niece. He declined and I asked him if he had received his daughter's
    via u/MysteriousFocus1884
  • Wishlist. He told me that his daughter didn't want a gift. because her love language is quality time. I told him that I had never heard of young child refusing a Christmas gift.
    via u/MysteriousFocus1884
  • A close-up of a small girl standing by a Christmas tree at home
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • This conversation quickly degenerated into an argument where he accused me of being obsessed with his daughter and insinuating that I believe that I know his daughter better than he does.
    via u/MysteriousFocus1884
  • His overreaction rose some suspicions within me so I decided that I needed to reach out to his daughter's mother - due to the length of the post, I spare the details of how I managed to get her details.
    via u/MysteriousFocus1884
  • Once I found his ex's TikTok account, I scrolled through her page and found a post with the caption "Making my daughter's birthday extra special so she forgets that her father didn't didn't show up again"
    via u/MysteriousFocus1884
  • A little girl holding up a paper house
    via Josue Michel (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • I hesitated quite a bit before I sent her a DM. I introduced myself as my bf's girlfriend and explained that I don't mean to cause any trouble but I wanted to clarify a couple of things that I heard from my bf.
    via u/MysteriousFocus1884
  • She took a couple of days to reply to my dm and she was obviously quite hesitant but she did agree to have a call with me. She asked me what my bf had told me about their relationship and I told her that my bf told me that they had dated briefly and
    via u/MysteriousFocus1884
  • the child was conceived accidentally. She laughed and told me that she and my bf had been in a serious relationship for 3 years and the child was very much planned. Their relationship issues began in the second trimester when my bf started
    via u/MysteriousFocus1884
  • questioning paternity and demanded a paternity test while she was pregnant. His ex was concerned for the safety of the child and told him that he can do the test once the baby is born. He moved out of their shared home while she was
    via u/MysteriousFocus1884
  • pregnant and didn't attend the birth of his child. Once the child was born, he didn't attend a few family court hearing to establish paternity but when he eventually did, it was proven that he was the father. Allegedly, he has been a deadbeat father since,
    via u/MysteriousFocus1884
  • not supporting his daughter financially or any other way and he last saw his daughter in April. After giving it some thought, I sent a text to bf from my parents' home where I spent Christmas in which I told him
    via u/MysteriousFocus1884
  • that I have decided to end based on what his ex alleges. He has been calling me nonstop, asking for the chance to talk explain his side of the story but this is too much for me. AITAH.
    via u/MysteriousFocus1884
  • grayblue_grrl NTA... I would't have mentioned the ex in my break up text. She doesn't need his grief while he can't get laid anywhere else. There is no other side of the story. You know he lies to you and gets irrationally angry.
    via u/grayblue_grrl
  • OP Mysterious Focus 1884 I hadn't considered that mentioning that might put the ex in danger. I wanted him to know that I am breaking up with him because he has treated his ex and daughter poorly. Since reading the comments, I have sent the ex a message telling but I don't expect a reply since the poor woman has been through so much.
    via u/MysteriousFocus1884
  • MysticalRN NTA but as a child of a dead beat I wish you hadn't told him it was because of what the ex said. I dont know if your ex is the type but I worry he could have lashed out at the ex especially since you said she was hesitant to even talk to you.
    via u/MysticalRN
  • ImpassionateGods001 I was looking for this comment. I don't think OP is the AH for breaking up with him, but it was a bad move to throw the ex under the bus given that she was the one who reached out to her, not the other way around.
    via u/ImpassionateGods001
  • OP Mysterious Focus 1884 Oh my, I hadn't thought about him lashing out at the mother of his child. I will try to reach out to her to apologise.
    via u/MysteriousFocus1884
  • Moist-Direction-3487 Nope, and good for you!
    via u/Moist-Direction-3487
  • NewChallenger845 Lol. I usually try to give the benefit of the doubt but this man makes it nearly impossible. Quality time for an 8yo girl? Yeah sure. NTA. Ruuuun awayy!!
    via u/NewChallenger845
  • katluvsbubbly NTA. It was ballsy of you to contact the child's mom. Some people would call it overstepping but you found out what you needed to know. Breaking up with the lying deadbeat was the right call.
    via u/katluvsbubbly
  • grruser Yes. Very risky for the ex and the daughter. OP needs to give the ex the heads up.
    via u/grruser
  • Artistic-Tough-7764 Nta. Walk away.
    via u/Artistic-Tough-7764
  • Amara616 The fact he said quality time is an 8 yo's "love language" was odd to me. And like others stated, what child doesn't want at least 1 gift?! Good on you for leaving, I bet if you stayed and decided to have a child with him he would've done the same thing to you and that child. Edit to add: Since the 2nd trimester is when things went downhill I wonder if finding out the gender had anything to do with it. My SIL got pregnant by a VERY fertile guy who had multiple kids with multiple women.
    via u/Amara616
  • Daddinator1701 NTA. You would have been TA if you stayed with him
    via u/Daddinator1701

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boyfriend christmas gifts bad parents deadbeat dad girlfriend exes baby mama drama breakup daughter
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