Girlfriend apathetic when she breaks up with boyfriend when he continually tells her to change, he's left homeless after their breakup: 'Something broke in me'

Author image for Briana Viser
Briana Viser • Writer and Editor
Sep 22, 2025 1:00 PM EDT

Don't bite the hand that feeds you. When we're in a relationship our attachment style speaks volumes. When someone pushes you away you might pull, when someone tries to pull you in, you might run the other direction. Anxious, avoidant, fearful, or disorganized are the talk of the town. It's so known and people really over diagnose themselves. In the story here, the couple aren't really getting along. They both have unresolved work to do on themselves, but they argue about what's actually been done. 

The man continually threatens to break up with his girlfriend, and push comes to shove and she tells him okay. Her apathy offends him, but he had it coming, no? In my experience, my attachment style changes based on the relationship. Historically I think I was always afraid of being suffocated, but now that I'm older, suffocation doesn't seem so bad. Read the full story below for all the details. 

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  • 01

    AITAH for saying ok when my partner threatened to move out and break up with me?

    Woman apathetic to boyfriend
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    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    I've been with my partner nearly two years. He lives in my house which I'm currently renting. We
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    have blended our families and there's several step-kids involved.
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    When we moved in six months ago I thought this was forever. I thought I'd found my soulmate.
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    But after moving in he changed very quickly, nothing I did was good enough. He kept telling me things I needed to change. Has
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    been pointing out my flaws and why he is so unhappy daily. I kept trying. But then it became him
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    saying over and over change or I will break up with you.
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    There were things I've needed to work on, of course. I have my healing to do and I've been on a real journey. He has a lot of
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    unhealed trauma too and was cheated on in his marriage and has ADHD.
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    Despite changing and doing the deep work, something he hasn't done, he has continued threatening to break up with me and move out with the step kids multiple times.
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    The last time, something broke in me. I sobbed for a whole weekend. I couldn't look the kids in the face.
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    I loved him so I decided to give him one last chance. This was on basis he promised never to do this again. I said if he did we
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    would be over. He said he understood. My trust was broken so I asked that we slow down
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    plans to move into our own place together, or to put him on the lease.
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    He's reacted very badly to this. Every day he's lashing out frightened and saying he feels really insecure and he's
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    technically homeless and he and the kids have no physical security.
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    I've asked him to repair and work on things together before we make big commitments but he's
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    Home
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    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 19
    continued these daily monologues of his pain. My voice has got lost.
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    The other day he asked for a final decision. I said no, not right now, let's work on stuff, and hopefully soon. He said you either commit
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    to moving in with me by the end of the day to a new place or putting me on the lease or I'm done. I'm moving out.
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  • 22
    I said no, informed him he'd broken his promise and he knew the consequences. That I accepted him, and he has two weeks to move out.
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    Now I'm apparently cruel and heartless and it's my fault for not giving him commitment, and it would have been so easy to put
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    Couple arguing
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    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 25
    him on the lease. That I've been denying him and the step kids physical security. That two weeks isn't enough time.
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    I know he has disorganised attachment. I know he has trauma. I know he can't help it.
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    But have I really caused this not putting him on the lease when things were so unstable? AITAH?
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  • 28
    Campus Tour • 11h ago NTA. You're literally just agreeing to his terms. He wanted this.
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  • 29
    If he doesn't want it anymore, he should say so and agree to your terms. Pretty simple here.
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