Wealthy siblings try to pressure their older sister into surpassing her budget for group trip to Europe, she refuses to budge: ‘They all felt that they were subsidizing me’

Author image for Lana DeGaetano
Lana DeGaetano • "Show me to me please."
Jan 16, 2026 6:00 PM EST

Group vacations aren't for the faint of heart. One minute, you're all in agreement on where you'll be lodging for two weeks, and the next, you're compromising your budget by hundreds of dollars to appease a needy person in the group. No, John, you actually don't need a king bed to live. If you want a king bed, I'm not going to subsidize it. Sorry, not sorry!

If you've ever gone on a group vacation with family or friends, then you probably know how everything goes down. First, in the months leading up to the vacation, you want to save as much money as you can. Unfortunately, the months leading up to the vacation consist of 75 friends' birthdays and four separate gift-giving holidays. Somehow. Next, the itinerary you graciously created for the group is overlooked by all but one trip attendee (you), and you have no one to go snorkeling with. I guess imaginary friends don't have to be for children only…

If it couldn't get any worse, this trip is with your much wealthier siblings. They have the cash to spend on themselves, but refuse to make concessions because you can't dish out hundreds of dollars per night on lodging alone. They don't understand, so they continue to test your boundaries. This is what the woman in this next story is dealing with, but she refuses to give in to her brothers' tactics. Scroll below to read the entire story.

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  • a woman sitting at a table stressed about calculating her money
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    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • This story is a long one, but it teaches an important lesson for those who are trying to stand their ground against their entitled family members.

    You can say everything you want about saving as much money as possible for a trip, but for many people, saving as much as they can still isn't enough to match other people's wealth. You can't make wine from water, and those bills have to be paid somehow. The woman in the story knows her financial limits, but he brothers continue to be the parasitical voice in her ear, telling her she should compromise her boundaries for their own comfort.

  • "I held my ground over not subsidizing my siblings' and their wive's luxury vacation upgrades, and now I'm the low-key villain and the odd ‘fifth wheel’ out"

    Buckle up, folks! This is a bit of a doozy. I (F36) have two brothers, both married.
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  • We'll call M31 and F32 Couple A, and M33 and F30 Couple B. We all decided to take a sibling trip together before they started having kids, which they plan to do very soon.
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  • We agreed on this year and going to two different places in Europe over 8 days.
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  • First, some general income context: I make \~90K Gl living in NYC. Prior to the past two years, I was a full-time artist freelancing with part- time day jobs, and didn't make nearly as much as that.
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  • Now I'm on a tight but very manageable budget with my first full-time day job. I have some uncovered OOP medical expenses for chronic health issues and live with a roommate.
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  • For the others: Couple A is quite wealthy (hundreds of thousands, dual income), and Couple B is living on one income by choice and making a couple 100K, though less than Couple A.
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  • They both bought their first homes in the past year. I started saving for this trip almost a year ago, and planned to save around 1K more than I normally would if I were doing the trip solo.
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  • However, I wanted to save enough that I wouldn't be the constant killjoy saying no to anything not free during the trip, so I tightened my belt and saved an extra $100/month to make it happen.
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  • Suffice it to say this is a heavy lift for me, albeit one felt would be worth it for this once in a lifetime trip.
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  • Prior to booking any travel or lodging, we discussed basic budget expectations. I told everyone my ideal nightly lodging was $30-$40/night, $50/max, and that I'd seen a number of highly rated Airbnbs in our two locations that would get us great deals.
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  • I also suggested that because there was an odd number (me being single), we split Airbnbs per person rather than per room, with me opting for single beds or even couches as needed.
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  • Everyone agreed and no one pushed back at my nightly budget max. Couple A said they wanted a king bed and their own bathroom, and agreed they'd pay a bit more for that.
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  • The other couple didn't have any preferences outside of a queen. I found 12-15 places that fit our criteria and had good reviews, and added them to a shared doc with price breakdowns and other details.
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  • The biggest compromise for me came with trip timing. Both my SILs are trying to time their first pregnancies so that their second trimesters will be during our trip.
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  • I thought this sounded like a bit of a cr p sh t, but they were adamant that July was the only time that would really work for them, considering when one of them has her round of IVF scheduled.
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  • This is peak travel time, and plane tix are hella expensive in July! I could've gone anytime in a 6 month window, including times when plane tix were half as much.
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  • But I was saving the extra for this exact scenario and would be able to make it work, so I decided it wasn't a hill to die on.
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  • After all, we were going to get a good nightly rate on lodging so I could save there.
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  • Things got complicated when, a few days later, brother from Couple A called and asked what my budget was like.
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  • I made what I now realize was a big mistake, and talked rough numbers with him.
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  • He started questioning my math and suggesting I make adjustments. I decided to go with it, and then he said I should be able to spend up to $80/night on lodgings based on the adjustments I was making.
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  • I'll admit I let the pressure of the moment get to me and agreed. I texted our group thread to let everyone know of the adjustment.
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  • The next day, the SIL from Couple A called me to say that actually Couple B would really prefer a king bed as well.
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  • I was a little annoyed because I'd already done so much research, but said I'd try finding some new Airbnb options.
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  • After getting through officially booking my flight, however, my estimates for planes tix proved too low.
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  • Additionally, I ran my savings numbers more specifically and discovered I'd actually have $200 less saved than I'd roughly estimated to my brother.
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  • I texted the group thread that due to additional booking expenses, I needed to stick with $50/night.
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  • It had been about four days since I'd texted them about upping it to $80. Meanwhile, I was trying to find places with 2 king beds, and was discovering that this is pretty uncommon in Europe.
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  • It really functions as an upgrade, so now our options were much pricier and more limited.
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  • Still, I was able to find places I could still afford that accommodated them, though now the possibility of my own small room was out.
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  • But that was really OK with me, like truly OK! I was happy to sleep on a couch and save so we could be together.
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  • I added some more options to our doc, all traveler favorites with great ratings in central locations.
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  • Then the brother from Couple A called me. He asked me what had changed with my budget, and reminded me that his wife had found a really amazing place that was $70/night per person, and it would be so great to do that one instead.
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  • man talking on the phone while using his computer
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    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • I just reiterated what I'd said in the text and added that I'd officially solidified my savings number.
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  • I could tell he really wanted me to give him more info so he could debate me, and when he got a little too pushy, I said "I'm noticing in my research that requiring two king beds is an upgrade in Europe.
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  • I totally respect what you all need to have a good trip, but also I don't think it makes sense for me to pay more for things I'm not using and don't want or need myself." He got a bit defensive, and said they all felt that they were subsidizing me, that none of them had ever heard of splitting Airbnbs per person instead of per room, and that they were all majorly compromising by agreeing to do it that way.
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  • I was sort of shocked! This meant they'd all been complaining about me behind my back for the past few days, essentially ganging up on me.
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  • I said what I'd suggested wasn't uncommon at all, that I'd read about that being a normal way people do it with uneven numbers.
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  • I'd even run our scenario through Al just to be sure I wasn't crazy about this being viable.
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  • He doubled down, making it clear they saw me as the unreasonable one that they were really stretching for to make this work.
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  • Then he said: "If we weren't keeping your budget in mind, wife and I would pay way more to get way more." What I heard was: "We're willing to pay for the same upgrades at a higher rate, but only if you're not there to subsidize us.
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  • I calmly said that I would be happy to book a hostel if that would help them get what they wanted, but that they should first check out the options I'd added to the shared doc.
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  • I felt really icky at the end of that call. Later that day, his wife texted me and said they were wondering whether I'd be willing to pay $55/night to stay at the fancy Airbnb they'd found, and they could cover the additional $20/night as an "early bday gift" for me.
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  • I sort of bulked at this my SIL and I - had always had such an easy, close relationship prior to this, and this felt really manipulative.
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  • If I said no, I'd be "fighting" over $20, which is not a lot. If I said yes, I'd be implying that my boundaries were negotiable and allowing them to keep disrespecting me.
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  • I texted back a very kind and measured text, reiterating that $50/night really was my max.
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  • Then I reminded them about the other options I'd found, and that I was happy to sleep on a couch to save.
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  • I ended with saying I could also find my own hostel as needed. Immediately she texted back that they would just find a hotel on their own and I should book the hostel.
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  • Apparently my suggestions weren't ideal "for noise, location and quality". I was sort of stunned, because the places I'd found were traveler favorites with 4.8-5 stars!
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  • But whatever, I just said "OK sounds good!" Later, they sent the hotel they booked so we could try finding our lodgings close by.
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  • It's definitely more expensive than what they would've spent if they'd just paid for their king bed upgrades and let me stay at $50/night.
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  • So now, we're spending half the trip in separate lodgings, with the first half shared due to a more remote location.
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  • That place is technically $53/person per night before adjusting for the private bathroom upgrade. If they try to fight me on that $3/night I'm putting my foot DOWN and am prepared to forgo part one with them entirely to hold my line.
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  • Now I'm half dreading this trip. I hope it'll still be good...I feel like my siblings and their wives have really shown me some big blind spots and entitlements that have caused me to lose respect for them.
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  • So there's the saga. I'm curious whether anyone on here has dealt with this kind of situation.
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  • What did you do?? | also posted about this on a couple different subs while it was happening and varying answers about whether or not I was being reasonable.
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  • What do you all think? Give me your hot takes!!
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family drama siblings work money problems Travel
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