Daughter refuses to attend Thanksgiving at her mother's girlfriend's apartment after months of emotional turmoil: ‘Feels so odd’

Author image for Lana DeGaetano
Lana DeGaetano • "Show me to me please."
Nov 14, 2025 5:00 PM EST

The holidays are supposed to be spent with the people we love, so why would we attend a celebration where we feel we're unwelcome?

Toxic family dynamics often take center stage during the holiday season. Mom's boyfriend's anger issues are exercised during the mashing of the potatoes, cousin Larry finds out what the Thanksgiving "walk" really is, and tattles on the older teens, and we end up feeling like the black sheep of the family who doesn't know how to take a joke.

If that felt personal, it's because you're not alone. When you actualize the chaos in front of you and see your family for what it is, you realize that your attendance at a holiday celebration will only scorn you more.

In this next story, a woman explains that she will not attend her mother's Thanksgiving celebration because it will happen in her girlfriend's apartment. The woman and her mother's girlfriend do not get along after a rocky start to the woman's mother's relationship with her. We're all protective of our family members, so it's safe to say that the girlfriend won't be receiving the woman's blessing any time soon.

Scroll below to read about the fallout, including guilt tactics from the mother and her girlfriend.

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    thanksgiving meal at the dinner table
    via Karolina Grabowska For Unsplash+
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    "WIBTAH if i didn’t attend Thanksgiving because of where it’s being held?"

    Backstory: My (F23) mom (F42) has recently gotten into a new relationship with a woman (let's call her Emma (F32). My mom lives in TN, and Emma originally lived in KY.
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    Emma happened to be in TN for an extend period of time when they met, and she happened to be "looking to move to TN soon." Not even a month
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    into them dating, Emma had moved into a condo in TN. Although my mom is on a lease/pays rent at her apartment, she basically moved in with Emma (I'm talking 5-7
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    nights a week with almost all of her belongings moved over). Now considering I'm 23 and don't live with her, this isn't much of my concern.
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    However, at the 2-month mark, they were arguing every single day. (More context: Emma has multiple businesses (vape shops/dispensaries) that she owns/checks up on.
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    Due to her line of work, she gets paid for social media postings. However, she would make posts targeted at her ex-wife and her ex-wife's spouse
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    which was a point of contention). Arguments geared around inappropriate posts on social media, who they can and cannot text, etc.
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    When they had been arguing for a week straight, my mom brought up the idea of rewinding and taking things slow. As
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    in she goes back to her apartment to live and they can go on dates or she can come to spend the night 2-3 nights a week. Emma did not like this and began giving ultimatums, threatening
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    to go sl p around, etc. My mom was taken aback and just wanted to go get her things, but after the blow up she didn't want to go get them by herself. This is where things start to take a bit of a turn.
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    I had reached out to Emma letting her know that I would come to grab my mother's personal belongings and asked for a time that would work best. Mind you, i heard
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    her tell my mom that she was not allowed to come inside and that her things. would be thrown out onto the curb. When she responded, she was telling me i'm childish, my
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    mom is childish, the police will be called if i show up at her house, and if i text her anymore then her lawyer will be involved. I let my mom
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    know the situation and left it at that (she ended up getting her belongings that night). The next day, Emma posted some status on facebook that i laugh reacted to.
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    However, i realized how petty/pointless it was and decided to unadd her so that i could no longer see her posts. Unfortunately, i hit the button twice which
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    unadded her but subsequently sent another friend request (which i immediately retracted). Within the next 60 seconds Emma had sent me a screenshot
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    of the notification, sent it to me, and sent a message of "look who's big mad." Now prior i had been extremely respectful, but i definitely shared some words with her at this point.
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    Fast forward A WEEK LATER and they're back together. My mom does stay at her own apartment most days out of the week now, but I was still personally a bit taken aback, but it's not
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    my life and again doesn't concern me. However, I did let my mother know that she now has the responsibility of creating. time for 2 separate parts of her life. Prior to this issue, me and my siblings. (M19 and F18) would
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    meeting up with my mom and Emma for outings/dinners. But with the disrespect, i choose to no longer be around this person. My mom said she understood and she stood on her part.
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    HOWEVER, emma is so odd. She will text the 3 of us (my siblings and i) separately about how she misses us and hopes we're okay. if we're on the phone with our mom, emma will text us afterwards and say "it
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    was nice to hear your voice." I nipped this in the bud pretty quickly after her second text to me, but my siblings don't want to hurt my mom's feelings by being rude. I
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    have brought this up to my mom who is worried about it "hurting Emma's feelings" to hear that we don't want her to talk to us. I did let her know that if it continued to the point. where my siblings continued to feel super
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    uncomfortable that she would need to say something or i would. This has been an ongoing issue since they've gotten back together.
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    a woman holding her head in her hands
    via engin akyurt for Unsplash

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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    Anyways, they've now been together for 4 months. However, Emma will be out of the state for the next 2 months. My mom is living out of Emma's condo while she's gone to take care of her dog. With this being
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    said, Emma will not be in town for Thanksgiving. My mom wants my siblings and I to come over to Emma's condo for Thanksgiving without her there. Not that it would be any better if she was
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    there, but being in the home of someone that i have been actively avoiding for 2 months. feels so odd. My mom works Wed, Fri-Sun and is off Mon, Tues, Thur. Since Thanksgiving is on
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    a thursday, she is concerned with working 10 hours on wednesday, waking up and going to her own apartment to cook/eat, and having to go back to check on the dog. I get it, but i also made my boundary super
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    clear about now having 2 parts of her life that don't intertwine. And also none of us would mind to help with cooking/cleaning while she goes to let the dog out (which would only need to be once or twice throughout the day
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    considering the length of time we'll actually be together. AND it's not even 15 minutes between her apartment and Emma's house). Although i think it would be odd to spend the holiday there, i'm also worried i'm overreacting a little bit.
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    So WIBTAH if i didn't attend Thanksgiving because of where it's held.
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