'Saying I'm only considering her looks': Girlfriend pressures her former elite-swimmer boyfriend to get back in shape so she can "show him off", so he requests the same physical standards from her, sparking argument over double standards when she refuses

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Emma Saven
Jan 21, 2026 7:00 PM EST

In any relationship, toxic or squeaky clean, most couples will still likely experience this little thing known as "double standards." 

Now, it may sound daunting, but it's actually a lot more common than most people think. We're just so used to double standards in our daily lives that we unknowingly seem to sweep them under the rug. No questions asked. 

How impolite of me…for those who don't know, a "double standard", according to the Oxford dictionary, is "a rule or principle which is unfairly applied in different ways to different people or groups."  I'll put it in Gen Z terms so it's easier to understand. It's kind of like giving a friend boy advice, but then doing the exact opposite when it comes to your own dating life, and seeing zero problem with it. Rules apply to some but not to others. 

As I discussed previously, this type of behavior is a lot more present in relationships than people are willing to admit. Often, a man or woman will behave in a certain way: leaving dirty dishes in the sink, staying out until the early hours without texting, or simply criticizing any of their partner's habits. But if their partner had to do the same…they'd be walking into a snakepit! 

So who decides what's acceptable for one person, but not for another? 

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  • Here's a perfect example of a double standard in action: 

    This boyfriend, in his early thirties, has had a great history in the swimming pool. But we're not talking tanning by the pool with a Mojito, we're talking about a former Division 1 swimmer who almost reached the Olympics. So, yes, he was in pretty good shape during his prime swimming years. Despite no longer being in “peak” condition (aka rock-hard abs), he remains active and successful. His girlfriend has a newfound passion for trying to pressure him to “get back into shape,” just after her bestie began dating a fit personal trainer. Despite trying to explain to her that he has other priorities at the moment that do not allow him to spend 5 hours a day in a sweaty gym, she continues to push. 

    So how does he respond? In the most logical way he knows how, by committing to get back in shape if she does too. Not criticizing her figure, but her lack of fitness and stamina. Suddenly, she's accusing him of only caring about her “looks”… It's giving slightly hypocritical, don't you think? Or, for lack of a better term: Double Standards! 

     

     

  • 01
    Couple standing back to back with their arms crossed at the gym
    via seventyfour

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02

    AITAH for saying that my girlfriend needed to get in shape too if she expected it from me.

    I'm 32 now. In university I was a Div. 1 swimmer. I almost mad the Olympics.
    via Distinct-March2456
  • 03
    I'm not bragging this is relevant. Obviously at that level of competition I was incredibly fit.
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  • 04
    I still swim for exercise but it would be a lie to say I'm in top condition.
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  • 05
    I have a lot of other things going on. My girlfriend of three years is beautiful.
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  • 06
    She is a teacher and her hobbies are all pretty sedentary. She walks her dog twice a day and that is her physical activity.
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  • 07
    Lately one of her friends started dating a personal trainer. This guy has a six-pack and looks like Jean Claude Van Damme.
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  • 08
    If I'm being honest his physique is better than mine was. But I wasn't training for looks.
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  • 09
    Professional swimming swimming laps in a Olympic size swimming pool
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    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 10
    I was training for speed. My girlfriend has been saying that I should get back in shape so she can show me off.
    via Distinct-March2456
  • 11
    It was kind of annoying. I'm a professional. Once again not bragging just stating facts. I have a career | enjoy that allows me to enjoy life at a pretty great level.
    via Distinct-March2456
  • 12
    Every year I take two vacations to different countries on my bucket list. I'm debt free.
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  • 13
    I don't have time to eat ten thousand calories a day and train five hours a day.
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  • 14
    I laughed it off to begin with but I explained to her what I just explained to you.
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  • 15
    She seemed to understand but then she started again. So I told her that if she wanted me to "get back in shape" then she had to ask well.
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  • 16
    That she needed to get to 20% body fat like runway models. I said that she was beautiful but had no stamina or strength.
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  • 17
    She is now saying I'm an asshole for only considering her looks. I think that's pretty fucking ironic.
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  • 18
    I'm in great shape for my age and still enjoy stuff like snowboarding and surfing. I will also admit here that I'm not particularly good looking.
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  • 19
    I look kind of like Walter White's old business partner. I think that if she wants that from me it's not too much to expect the same from her.
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  • 20
    Frustrated woman sitting with her head in her lap on the couch
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    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 21
    Capable-Contact6868 NTA. Why are you with this shallow raging hypocrite?
    via Capable-Contact6868
  • 22
    OP Distinct-March2456 She is sweet, smart, loving, and generally a good person. I have never seen this side of her until now.
    via Distinct-March2456
  • 23
    pennylane1017 I'm kinda hoping she was joking. But legit it sounds like she's attracted to the friend's boyfriend and is not being honest with herself about it. (Or she's competing with her friend, neither of which is particularly emotionally honest or healthy.) Kinda sounds like she needs to figure herself out a little.
    via pennylane1017
  • 24
    kaleidoscope_view Oh, an intellectual and physically attractive man with a great head on his shoulders and a crappy body shaming girlfriend... So, OP, you free later-?
    via kaleidoscope_view
  • 25
    OP Distinct-March2456 Sorry I'm taken. But you made me smile.
    via Distinct-March2456
  • 26
    Moosehead155 This implies that you're in relatively elite shape especially for an older guy. How much more in shape does she think you should be?
    via Moosehead155
  • 27
    OP Distinct-March2456 Defined abs. Specifically
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  • 28
    Top-Astronomer-5125 NTA. She sounds terrible. But my advice as an older guy is you should get back in shape now. It only gets harder the longer you let things deteriorate. Find a masters team and hit the gym a couple times a week. I promise that you will feel better about everything.
    via Top-Astronomer-5125
  • 29
    OP Distinct-March2456 I'm still in good shape. I'm just not in training five hours a day shape. I compete in triathlons. I'm usually out of the water first. The running kicks my ass.
    via Distinct-March2456
  • 30
    Impossible_Nebula_33 You're not a prop in her life that she can use to compete with her friend. She is coming across extremely shallow.
    via Impossible_Nebula_33

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