Mom goes back to work after two years at home, stay at home husband refuses to adjust chore duties to reflect that: 'I have not been having issues'

Author image for Ally Perry
Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Jan 20, 2026 9:00 PM EST

The boring stuff defines the quality of any long-term relationship.

Grand romantic gestures and expensive gifts are nice and all, but they only make up a tiny proportion of the time spent in most serious relationships (and sometimes, they don't even get a look in). The true measure of whether somebody cares about you and is a good partner is how they show up and contribute on a normal day, and what it looks like to spend the laundry and taxes side of life with them.

Almost all people who are married or live with their other half have had disagreements about who does what around the house. In fact, it could be argued that the dishes in the sink or the empty toilet roll holder are the main drivers of most domestic disputes. It is only natural to occasionally have mismatched expectations on this matter, especially when circumstances change, but the chore list is the same as ever. 

As with most things in relationships, the key to resolving these issues is based on flexibility and communication. However, there are plenty out there who prove incapable of such skills, even when dealing with the person that they love. It makes an argument into a bigger ordeal than it has to be.

Add as a preferred
source on Google
Advertisement
  • a blue laundry basket filled with blankets sat on a carpeted floor
    via Hans (Unsplash+)

  • In this story, a husband who had recently switched roles with his wife became frustrated when she was no longer willing to complete her side of the chore list. At first, he had worked while she stayed home with their young daughter, but now she had a job while he was the stay-at-home parent and was also completing an online college course.

    Previously, they had an official split between their duties that worked for both of them, but now his wife felt like it was too much to expect her to complete all of her chores after work. The husband argued that because he had been able to do this before, they didn't need to change things. He wasn't sure who was being more unreasonable in the situation.

  • Am I wrong for refusing to change the chore chart even though my wife works full time?

    I met my wife in college and she was soon p nant after we graduated. We moved in together and it was decided that she will not look for a job until she after she gave birth.
    via Odd_Serve1167
  • Our daughter was born and my wife was a SAHM for the first two years. We had a lot of fight about the chore splitting.
    via Odd_Serve1167
  • I was very overwhelmed coming home and having to do a ton of chores after work and also spend time with our daughter.
    via Odd_Serve1167
  • This has gotten worse as our daughter has gotten older and is a little tornado The biggest issue was she wouldn't pick up at all especially in the kitchen.
    via Odd_Serve1167
  • That ment I would come home clean the kitchen, cook and then clean the kitchen again.
    via Odd_Serve1167
  • The have to go around and clean up the days activities. We argued about this a lot and her stance was she watches our kid all day long so I can clean up more when I get home.
    via Odd_Serve1167
  • a mom crouches and holds onto her toddler by an open washing machine that they are reaching into
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • In the end I gave in and we made an official chore chart. Her- watch kid, do laundry and grocery shopping, appointments Me- dinner, everyday cleaning (whipping down counter, picking up toys, sweeping, etc), trash, meal prep and nighttime routine (bath etc) In the summer, my company informed me that I would be let go around Thanksgiving.
    via Odd_Serve1167
  • We talked in over and my wife found a job and would be the main breadwinner for the time being.
    via Odd_Serve1167
  • I was to watch our daughter and I am in an online master program. At the moment I am watching our daughter and doing my master program.
    via Odd_Serve1167
  • I personally have now been having any issues but my wife is. She hates having to come home and do chores and clean up after us.
    via Odd_Serve1167
  • I actually leave it cleaner than what she has left me. ( put dishes in the dishwasher throughout the day) We have been arguing about this constantly.
    via Odd_Serve1167
  • She thinks it is unfair she has to do chores after working all day and me pointing out this this literally what I have done for the past two years and keep pointing at the chore chart She says she is the breadwinner now and I shouldn't have to do this and I pointed out I was the breadwinner before to begin with and did this all.
    via Odd_Serve1167
  • That I am watching our daughter and doing a program. She claims I am being unfair, since I refuse to change the chore. chart becuase it is literally what I have done for two years.
    via Odd_Serve1167
  • My friend have opinions on this so I need a outsider opinion
    via Odd_Serve1167
  • a man wearing a plaid shirt takes the lid off a pan on a stove
    via Leon Siebert

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • Rich_Exam_2038 NTA your wife is being really hypocritical..I feel like she knows and is ignoring that fact. Gl
    via Rich_Exam_2038
  • Odd_Serve1167 Original Poster's Reply That's my main issue with her arguing for something different It is so so so hypocritical... And hell this is only going to be for like a year. My master program will be done and our daughter will go to preschool in about a year. I'll go. back to work
    via Odd_Serve1167
  • zingzing17 ESH, you all need therapy, or to communicate better. Though for real, everyone benefits from therapy.
    via zingzing17
  • Odd_Serve1167 Original Poster's Reply We don't have that type of money, not now Therapy is expensive as hell, we can't drain our emergency fund for therapy
    via Odd_Serve1167
  • Connect-Peach2337 When you point out the hypocrisy how does she justify it? That she's not holding herself to the same standards she held you to? What does she say when you ask that?
    via Connect-Peach2337
  • Odd_Serve1167 Original Poster's Reply She claims that was different Doesn't really elaborate
    via Odd_Serve1167
  • HappyGiraffe "Tbh I would be willing to redefined it if she admits that it was unfair to begin with, she doesn't wish to do that tho" This is why you are both TA, and why you are setting yourselves and your family up to fail. As long as you have two people more interested in winning than in actually improving anyone's quality of life, you will choose suffering over improvement at your own losses, and, sadly, your child's loss too. Both of you need to grow up; relationships that are solely about
    via HappyGiraffe
  • Odd_Serve1167 Original Poster's Reply Tbh I don't wish to be in a relationship with someone who can't admit they were wrong All my friend are telling me to divorce her, and that my life would probably be easier with 50/50 custody
    via Odd_Serve1167
  • Single_Cancel_4873 Yes, a toddler tends to sleep less than an infant. One could argue he has less time to keep up with the housework, especially since he also has school work.
    via Single_Cancel_4873
  • wesmorgan1 Two grown adults can't deal with household chores without lengthy negotiations and a written agreement? You're both fighting to make the smallest possible contribution to running the household. You have bigger problems than "who does the vacuuming". ESH.
    via wesmorgan1
  • RedRedBettie ESH you're in a partnership and need to stop working against eachother. Work together to get more done
    via RedRedBettie

Want More? Follow Us and Add Us as a Preferred Source on Google.

Tags

stay at home mom marriage wife relationships parenting husband chores family daughter
Scroll Down For The Next Article