Neighbor shovels snow from elderly resident's driveway every morning, decides to confront other neighbors for not offering to help too: ‘How would you feel if she was your mother?’

Author image for Bar Mor Hazut
Bar Mor Hazut • Senior Editor
Jan 29, 2026 1:00 PM EST

Is it really your responsibility to ensure others do kind deeds?

The short answer is, obviously, no.

Everyone is responsible for themselves; we are aware of that. Whether or not you do good and help others around you is completely up to you. Your actions are based on your decisions and judgment, and no one else has a say in them. This also goes the other way around. You can't control anyone else's actions but your own. You can't force someone to do something, even if you know that it is for the better. Whether or not other people are kind or helpful to others is not up to you. You can be encouraging and inspiring, but you can't force anyone to be a good person.

The neighbor in the story below has good intentions when it comes to helping others around the neighborhood. For years, this neighbor and their daughter have helped an 80-year-old neighbor by shoveling the snow from her driveway. She lives alone, and she has no children, so the neighbor knows she has no one else to do that for her. Every time it snows, this neighbor picks up the shovel and heads to her driveway to do something for her that they know she can't do herself.

That is every good deed, if you ask us.

However, the story doesn't end there. One morning, when the neighbor was out shoveling snow for the elder lady, another resident stopped by and said hello. The short conversation pushed the neighbor to ask something that had been on their mind for quite some time: 'Why does no one else offer to help the nice lady?'

In response, the other resident laughed it off, but the neighbor pushed on. The helpful neighbor wanted others to understand just how important it is to be there for those who need a helping hand, even if it means confronting them for their lack of action. The interaction ended quite awkwardly, after the resident still refused to listen to their neighbor and offer their help. This leads to the question–should the helpful neighbor demand others' help as well, or should they focus on themselves and not force others to do good deeds?

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  • Person Shoveling Snow on Paved Pathway
    via @alexa-awans-images

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • AITAH For say something to my neighbors about not shoveling my elderly neighbors driveway?

    I have lived in my culdesac for four years. Every year when it snows, and it doesn't snow much as I am in the DC region, my 8 year old daughter and I shovel my 80 year old neighbors driveway.
    via Badwulf_Bruh__
  • She is a widower who lives alone and is unable to do it herself. She has no children.
    via Badwulf_Bruh__
  • My issue is we are surrounded by at least seven other able-bodied adults in our culdesac and each year they don't do a damn thing to help her.
    via Badwulf_Bruh__
  • Today as I was shoveling her driveway my neighbor finished his and said goodbye before he went inside.
    via Badwulf_Bruh__
  • I asked if he would start helping me with hers and he laughed and said all the other neighbors know that shoveling her driveway is my "thing".
    via Badwulf_Bruh__
  • I said it was really awful that he wouldn't help an elderly woman who can't do it herself and I wonder he would feel if it was his mother.
    via Badwulf_Bruh__
  • Bird's Eye View of Snowy Michigan Suburb
    via SAIF SIDDIQUE

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • He just shrugged and went inside. I am livid. We are getting up to 13" of snow and I'll be outside multiple times today shoveling two driveways.
    via Badwulf_Bruh__
  • I wonder if I am the asshole because its my choice to help her, but I can't help but feel let down by my neighbors.
    via Badwulf_Bruh__
  • Anyhow, just curious why you all think.
    via Badwulf_Bruh__
  • universalrefuse One of my mother's neighbours will snowblow my mom's driveway if we get a big dump. She's still able bodied enough to do most of our snowfalls in piecemeal fashion, but she is a senior women living alone on a cul-de-sac. Knowing her neighbour will come over with his snowblower when the snow gets too heavy is really nice. You are appreciated!! Edit: I gotta make that guy cookies or something.
    via Badwulf_Bruh__
  • Jazzlike-Bird-3192 It's very nice of you to help, but I would be intrigued how you asked, exactly. Something about the tone of your post suggests you could have gone about it in a better way. Expecting/demanding others help you out is pretty obnoxious.
    via Jazzlike-Bird-3192
  • Ok_Childhood_9774 It's wonderful that you and your daughter help, but that doesn't make it anyone else's obligation. It's really not your business to police other people's actions.
    via Ok_Childhood_9774
  • roosterjack77 I have a snowblower. When I have time I clear the end of my favourite peoples laneways. My friends think Im crazy. Nothing fills my heart with joy like helping others with zero expectation in return.
    via roosterjack77
  • CramblinDuvetAdv NTA for helping your neighbors YTA for acting like they have an obligation to do so and talking to them as such
    via CramblinDuvetAdv
  • SeaweedCalm553 Just do it out of the kindness of your heart, if it bothers you that your neighbors aren't helping then either stop anticipating that they will, or stop doing it.
    via SeaweedCalm553
  • newprairiegirl YTA, its not your job to demand help to shovel someone else's driveway. I lived in a community with a higher population of seniors than normal, the begging to have yard maintenence for free and 'snow angels' was disgusting. These seniors chose to live independent sitting on giant bank accounts, millions in property, meanwhile begging for my time for free. Can you tell I am jaded? Once you can't maintain your property, you hire someone to do it, and if you have no money? Its time t
    via newprairiegirl
  • Anthrodiva You can't "assign" other adults, not in your household, chores. YTA for being mad and speaking negatively to your neighbors who have no idea of your unmet, unvoiced expectations and years worth of built up resentment. Did you think you were organizing a movement without communicating with anyone?
    via Anthrodiva

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neighbors storm snow neighborhood driveway help winter elderly entitled people shovel
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