Hoarder mother-in-law gives expecting daughter-in-law garbage as a birthday gift: 'Before this most recent blizzard she dropped off a box of old candy from her desk at work.'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Mar 8, 2026 8:00 AM EDT

She needs to accept that this is the way her mother-in-law is, and there's nothing she can do to change it.

If you've never interacted with hoarders in real life, you can only imagine how life-ruining hoarding is. We all have this stereotypical image of hoarders from the TV show: they have eight cats that they can't help but neglect. The trash in their living room is piling up to the ceiling. They hold onto everything, no matter how useless. They can't recognize that there is no deep sentimental meaning to an old Coke can. There is some truth to these stereotypes about hoarders, but watching them on TV once a year is very different from living with them every day. 

The children of hoarders often face significant emotional turmoil. Imagine never feeling like you can get fully clean. It's incredibly distressing to smell bad and know that all of the other kids at school can tell that you smell bad. Your room is never really your own when your parent is a hoarder. You have to take special care to make sure your things don't get destroyed, but your effort is often fruitless. One thing that kids of hoarders know is that no matter how hard they try to create a clean space for themselves and their family, they cannot stop their parents' mental illness. More stuff will keep coming into the house, and the only way to get away from it is to move out. 

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  • Assorted cups in the trash
    via Jas Min

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • The expecting woman in this story is unnerved by her mother-in-law's hoarding habits. Her husband tells her that his mother won't change, and that she has to accept her for who she is. Still, she couldn't help but feel offended when she received junk as a birthday present.

  • Am I wrong for being upset about receiving literal garbage as a birthday gift?

    Background; have been with my husband for 6 years, and his mom hoards literal junk. Their house is stuffed full of junk that is never used and is just collecting dust.
    via u/Appearance-Gullible
  • My issue comes with my birthday being yesterday. Important to note i'm 20 weeks pregnant with my first baby.
    via u/Appearance-Gullible
  • She gave me a dollar tree bag tied up filled with various items. I didn't get around to opening it until today, and i'm actually annoyed.
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  • The contents include, expired baby medications, a half used trial size of baby soap,a box of baby frida wind passer that looks like it's been chewed on by a rat, at least decade old bottle of baby lotion, a tween perfume, a dr browns. baby bottle no top, a V neck shirt (don't wear v necks?
    via u/Appearance-Gullible
  • she knows this) and a new hanes pair of shorts that were honestly probably for her based on the size (XL) and she didn't like.Literally everything but the clothes could be considered garbage.
    via u/Appearance-Gullible
  • This isn't a new thing, she is constantly giving us actual garbage. When my husband and I were sick she dropped off a bag of expired medications.
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  • Before this most recent blizzard she dropped off a box of old candy from her desk at work.
    via u/Appearance-Gullible
  • A jar full of colorful candies
    via Markus Spiske (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Am I supposed to be thankful for getting this stuff? because honestly it feels like a slap in the face.
    via u/Appearance-Gullible
  • My husband told me that her actions aren't malicious and she's just a cheap person and this is how she's always been.Is this some kind of mental disorder thing?
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  • It's probably because i'm pregnant that this is bothering me so badly, but it hurts. I'm not a garbage can. That isn't a birthday gift.
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  • Pink and turquoise wrapped birthday presents
    via Crazy Cake

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Strict_Thanks_1372 It sounds like she is mentally ill to some degree. Not worth being upset over. Just throw it away, don't take it personally.
    via u/Strict_Thanks_1372
  • Appearance-Gullible Original Poster's Reply I am throwing the stuff away. I already said thank you. It's not worth picking a fight over.
    via u/Appearance-Gullible
  • Equivalent Lemon_319 Like she just has a lot of cheap/older things or is she a full on hoarder?
    via u/Equivalent Lemon_319
  • Appearance-Gullible Original Poster's Reply both. her house isn't like inaccessible, but it's stuffed full. she buys stuff she doesn't need because it's cheap and holds on to it for years.
    via u/Appearance-Gullible
  • BottleOk3953 I have a couple of questions but don't mean to come across as r de. 1- does she not have a lot of spending money? If that's that's the case I want to believe she's giving what she can and being generous with what she has. 2- is she ethnic? I'm a child of immigrants and this is stuff my family does. There is a high tolerance for expired items that can still be used.
    via u/BottleOk3953
  • Appearance-Gullible Original Poster's Reply she has a rough past, growing up poor and struggling as a young adult until about 40 years old. she's 52. however, she has a great job now and makes decent money. she can be a little reckless with her money. she bought a brand new 2025 hyundai. shes a school receptionist and in a union. she isn't ethnic, she's white.
    via u/Appearance-Gullible
  • Camelspit23 My grandma was a hoarder, my aunt is a hoarder, & my mom is now vying to be the biggest hoarder of the family yet chastised my grandma growing up it was weird. They mean no harm, not sure if it's a mental disorder, growing up in poverty, or wanting to have stuff to pass down to family when they di & then won't be forgotten. My advice: toss it out & don't make a big deal. Keep an eye on the cleanliness of her house though as she gets older, my brother eventually stopped letting his yo
    via u/Camelspit23
  • Appearance-Gullible Original Poster's Reply OMG! no way you're mentioning online bidding. she has been going off the rails with it. she kept sending me baby stuff she was bidding on, and i asked her to please stop. we're having a baby shower in 3 months! i don't need her bidding on amazon returns for the baby.
    via u/Appearance-Gullible
  • Catz_2224 I had an aunt like this. Your mother in law won't change. One time she gave my daughter used graying underwear for hr birthday. Seeing a 5 year old opening a bag of used underwear in front of everyone was something we will never forget. We laugh about it now that she's 23. So crazy.
    via u/Catz_2224
  • Appearance-Gullible Original Poster's Reply that's awful. she's unlikely to change, as for our baby, they will likely get similar disappointing gifts.
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  • Munchkin_Media NTA. Please don't take her mental illness personally. I get the annoyance and disgust. Happy belated birthday
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  • Appearance-Gullible Original Poster's Reply thank you
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  • mebg1956 Look, she's got a mental illness. I would just say "thank you" and toss the items. She's not doing this to get up your nose. She legit thinks she's giving you useful things. Having had a hoarder in the family, their reality is distorted. No point to get upset. Wait till you have to clean her place out, lol.
    via u/mebg1956
  • Appearance-Gullible Original Poster's Reply their house is already in their will to be left to my husband and i. i'm not looking forward to the day we get it, because there is a lot of work & money that will need to be put into it. they do "renovations" themselves, but half a it so it doesn't look nice. she did the tile floors herself but spread them so far apart from each other that it's like mostly dirty caulk instead of tile.
    via u/Appearance-Gullible
  • Quiet-Hamster6509 I make a point of telling him now that his Mother will not be allowed to have your child over unsupervised until she has a safe and healthy home
    via u/Quiet-Hamster6509
  • Appearance-Gullible Original Poster's Reply my sister in law had a baby 2 years ago and she isn't allowed to babysit him. she is constantly saying she doesn't understand why.
    via u/Appearance-Gullible
  • brainybrink Yes it's a disorder. I would actually encourage the "gift" giving to get her to clean out her place. Likely everything can go in the trash, but that's where it's supposed to go.
    via u/brainybrink
  • Appearance-Gullible Original Poster's Reply honestly i wish it'd work like that, but reality is taking stuff from her stockpile is only going to encourage her to replenish it.
    via u/Appearance-Gullible
  • pokemontrainersensha Your MIL sks, but I'd still use the expired medication
    via u/pokemontrainersensha
  • Appearance-Gullible Original Poster's Reply i'm not using expired medications on my baby. they expired in october 2025 and the baby isn't even due until late july 2026.
    via u/Appearance-Gullible

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daughter in law insulted hoarders garbage wife grandma husband mother in law birthday present mom
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