Mom tells 23-year-old daughter that she's the only one of her 7 kids who is a responsible adult, 25-year-old daughter overhears and freaks out: 'I don’t rub my success in my siblings' faces.'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Senior Editor
Mar 16, 2026 8:00 AM EDT

The most responsible daughter didn't explicitly agree with her mom, but she didn't disagree with her either. 

It can take many years for young adults to become responsible and independent. It all depends on how they were raised, their socioeconomic background, and how eager they were to leave the nest. A small minority of young people are fully prepared to be independent of their parents the second they turn 18, but that group is nowhere near the majority of 18-year-olds. Many 18-year-olds are still in high school and rely on their parents for housing and food. It shouldn't be expected of an 18-year-old to fully support themselves in every regard. You should only be concerned if your 18+ child is a NEET: Not in education, employment, or training. If an adult isn't in school or working full-time for a prolonged period, it could be a sign they'll struggle to be a productive member of society down the road. If they have a genuine reason for not being able to work, that's one thing, but being lazy isn't a good enough reason.

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  • Woman in red blazer kissing her daughter on the forehead
    via Pam Sharpe

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Two different kids can have the exact same upbringing with the same parents, and still turn out totally differently. One can be self-sufficient by their early 20s, and the other could be fully reliant on their parents into their 40s. The best parents raise all of their kids to be self-sufficient, but in most families, there's a problem child who becomes a problem adult. 

    In this family, everyone is a problem kid except for one. Her mom told her that she's the only one of her kids who is responsible, and her older sister overheard everything. Now, all of the problem kids are mad at her.

  • My mom admitted in private she thinks I’m the only one of her kids who is a responsible adult and my sister overheard. AITAH

    Last weekend I was sitting with my mom in the living room while one of my sisters (25) was sitting in the game room upstairs, I (23) was talking about how I've been saving for a house and I'm almost there.
    via u/NoOne9423
  • We were going back and forth about the process and a house one of my sisters rented for a while before being evicted, and that's when she brought it up.
    via u/NoOne9423
  • A close up piece of paper with a notice of eviction on it
    via Allan Vega

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • I'm the middle of 7 kids, and I definitely was treated as a middle child meaning I had to become independent very quickly.
    via u/NoOne9423
  • I moved out at 18 and then got my first apartment at 19, and I've been living alone without roommates ever since.
    via u/NoOne9423
  • I put myself through trade school while working and went into the medical field, I paid off my loan 2 years after working because I had a scholarship cover a good deal of it.
    via u/NoOne9423
  • My siblings don't have the same drive as me, but each of them has their own struggles in life.
    via u/NoOne9423
  • Teen moms, domestic ab e, struggling with jobs, etc. life happens and it's not always kind. I don't rub my success in my siblings faces, and I know my mom didn't say that to be hurtful and thought it was a private conversation, but now my sister has told all of my siblings what she said and they're being harsh towards me.
    via u/NoOne9423
  • I got into an argument in our siblings group chat and I was just ped off they're mad at ME for not being mad at our mom.
    via u/NoOne9423
  • Black woman texting while sitting on a brick fence with her backpack
    via Leiada Krözjhen

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Choice words were used and now we're not talking anymore. The argument felt very petty and immature and I think the part that i contributed negatively was saying "it's not my fault she has that opinion, if it upsets you take it up with her." Because I was just flabbergasted I was being ganged up on over something someone else said in a PRIVATE conversation.
    via u/NoOne9423
  • Am I the a hole? Update: I reached out to my sibling group chat a few hours ago writing out a long paragraph, my second oldest sister(the one who overheard) replied "I'm not reading all that" and four of my other sisters responded genuinely.
    via u/NoOne9423
  • The youngest sibling didn't really care to begin with. I think my second oldest sister just wants to be mad at me.
    via u/NoOne9423
  • I'm going to give her some time before reaching out directly, because I'm getting the feeling it's got very little to do with me particularly.
    via u/NoOne9423
  • Second update: our mother found out about the drama this morning and spoke to my second oldest sister this morning in person at her apartment when she went to pick up my nephews.
    via u/NoOne9423
  • Apparently my sister is very insecure about her choices and as a lot of people in the replies projected, she admitted to being jealous and hurt my mother worded it that way.
    via u/NoOne9423
  • I don't know their whole conversation, but I really wish I did. Apparently she "needs space" and is still refusing to speak to me, but is back on talking terms with our mom...probably for the free childcare.
    via u/NoOne9423
  • I'll admit, I'm kind of upset about this mess. She doesn't know me as an adult nearly at all.
    via u/NoOne9423
  • She only seems to see me as someone who makes a bigger paycheck or has more free time, and it me off and hurts at the same time.
    via u/NoOne9423
  • It's petty and immature, so until she grows up, I honestly don't mind her cutting me off.
    via u/NoOne9423
  • I'll just see my nephews at our parent's house.
    via u/NoOne9423
  • Lucky_Librarian_4572 NTA. How would you be TAH?
    via u/Lucky_Librarian_4572
  • NoOne9423 Original Poster's Reply They said I should have defended them instead of saying thank you to her.
    via u/NoOne9423
  • Downtown-Meat3319 Your mom is TA for having 7 kids. Of course they're all irresponsible- they only had 1/7th of a mom to share. And of course you were parentified so she could have more. You and your siblings can safely shift any blame on their life circumstances to her. SEVEN KIDS?? Is she a gerbil?
    via u/Downtown-Meat3319
  • NoOne9423 Original Poster's Reply Lol it's definitely a southern and religious thing, two of my sisters are following in those footsteps starting to have kids at 19. It's just much more difficult to live that kind of lifestyle in this economy. But while I love my mother, I agree a lot of us weren't prepared for the real world.
    via u/NoOne9423
  • DumpsterDiplomat I think both your parents failed all of you kids. It's nice for your mom to acknowledge that you are responsible and did well, but not everyone responds to the stress the same way because you all have very different interactions even with same people. I have 2 sisters and we also were very neglected in childhood. All 3 of us landed on our feet eventually, but we took very different paths and timelines for success. I am sure your siblings probably are super reactive (especially s
    via u/DumpsterDiplomat
  • NoOne9423 Original Poster's Reply Thank you for your advice. It's been a few hours since making this post and all of the feedback has really made me realize there's a bigger issue than just arguing about who's right and who's wrong. I'm going to send the group chat a message trying to make amends
    via u/NoOne9423
  • Tight-Delay1750 How would you be TAH here?
    via u/Tight-Delay1750
  • NoOne9423 Original Poster's Reply They're ped off at me for not defending them or "correcting" her, I will add it wasn't a long part of the conversation when she said that. I said "thank you I really appreciate that" because it felt like she was telling me she was proud of me, and then we went back to talking about the drama of being a homeowner.
    via u/NoOne9423
  • noeinan INFO: Are you close with your siblings? I can't say they are a h les off the bat because, yeah, if my parents were sh -talking me and my siblings just agreed then I would be upset with them. (Especially if they sh talked me about something that was a result of my parents being parents.) My parents were mocking me behind my back and my sibling, who was the Golden Child growing up, defended me and reported back to me. Because we have each other's backs, especially against our parents. But
    via u/noeinan
  • NoOne9423 Original Poster's Reply I have a decent to distant relationship with them, the golden child growing up and currently is the youngest. I was and still am a very quiet and distant person, mostly because none of them ever really bothered to talk to me much, and when I tried as a kid to connect with them I was ignored or told to go play with the second youngest who was a toddler when I was a child-preteen. I don't hang out with or see them outside of family functions and I rarely see my pa
    via u/NoOne9423
  • Shoesietart What are you trying to make amends for? You didn't do anything wrong.
    via u/Shoesietart
  • NoOne9423 Original Poster's Reply They control access to my niece and my nephews, I love them and don't want to miss chances to see them over something as silly as this.
    via u/NoOne9423
  • okrasurprise Well....that is not very responsible of her, just saying.
    via u/okrasurprise
  • NoOne9423 Original Poster's Reply It's probably why it also hit close to home with her. We were talking about her getting evicted right before our mom made the comment about me being the "only" responsible one. After reading so many other replies to this post and realizing how hurtful it sounds, I really wish she hadn't said it like that. My feelings would be hurt as well if I overheard that, but I wouldn't be taking it out on my sibling like she is.
    via u/NoOne9423
  • WildBlue2525Potato Are you for real? They actually said that? OMG & SMH. My gast is well and truly flabbered!! Your response was appropriate and you have nothing to apologize for. The real reason your siblings are upset is because you and your mother recognize that their life challenges are the result of their poor life decisions. And that's something they don't want to be reminded of. The best thing to do at this point is probably polite distancing. It makes me sad that your siblings are acting
    via u/WildBlue2525Potato
  • NoOne9423 Original Poster's Reply I've since made up with 5 of them, my second oldest sister responded to my apology paragraph message (to keep peace) with "I'm not reading all that" and it's been radio silence since, so I'm assuming I've been muted/blocked. But all of the advice and responses from this post have definitely helped me make peace and even see different perspectives of this situation. Thank you for your input =)
    via u/NoOne9423
  • Andi_Spark099 NTA. It sounds like the sister who overheard is petty and not at ALL understanding that it wasn't your fault in the slightest. If she's the one who got evicted, I'm curious as to why. It doesn't seem like she(the ride sister) would be a very amiable person if she responds like THAT to a sincere message.
    via u/Andi_Spark099
  • NoOne9423 Original Poster's Reply She was and it was because she had her boyfriend and his dog living with her as unauthorized occupants and the dog did irreparable damage to the property.
    via u/NoOne9423
  • Impossible-Cap-6433 Soft YTA, ESH for the rest. You could have spoken up quickly in defence of your siblings, silently agreeing makes it not just your mom's opinion, but yours too. Sounds like you agree for good reason. Sounds like your siblings didn't make the same life choices you did and as a result are not as functional of an adult as you. That said, if I were in such a position (I'm not, so hypothetical), I might have spoken up in agreement and earned a full TA. I'm pretty direct, and might
    via u/Impossible-Cap-6433
  • NoOne9423 Original Poster's Reply I guess I didn't really consider they're taking it as I agree with her. Honestly I don't know if I do, I admire my siblings individually for their talents and obviously nobody is perfect, but we're all doing our best. I'm just angry at them right now for what feels like them taking out their anger and hurt on me instead of talking to our mom. I don't want to go squealing to our mom and start more drama so I just muted the group chat and we've been ignoring each
    via u/NoOne9423

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daughter mom housing responsible siblings irresponsible parenting family group chat evicted
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