23-year-old pays most of the bills in apartment she shares with her mom, puts her foot down when she protests about her boyfriend staying

Author image for Ally Perry
Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Mar 19, 2026 9:00 AM EDT

When somebody contributes to the expenses of the place where they live, they should get a say in how they get to live there. In fact, that is to be expected whether they pay most of the bills or not. Everybody has the right to have a home they feel comfortable in, although it helps if they are making a worthwhile contribution to its upkeep.

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  • A young woman looks down at her open hand as she counts change
    via Maria Kovalets

    A young woman looks down at her open hand as she counts change

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • The difficulty comes when people have different ideas of what is an acceptable way to behave in a shared living space, and this can be particularly difficult when living with family. It can add an extra layer of entitlement over what is right and wrong when it comes to being roommates. This is a dynamic that is not uncommon when parents and adult children live under the same roof, whether the parents feel like their kids are not doing enough to pull their weight, or that they do not have the authority and maturity to be acting in the ways that they do.

    Needless to say, this can be painful to deal with from the child's perspective. When they are just finding their feet with adult life, and it feels like the most influential adults in their lives are not supporting them, disagreements can occur.

  • Is my mom being unreasonable?

    My parents are getting a divorce. That leaves me with all of the bills because my (23F) dad left.
    via Fuzzy_Balance193
  • My mom (56F) has always worked odd jobs like housekeeping etc. so she doesn't make much.
    via Fuzzy_Balance193
  • She has always contributed somewhat to pay for electricity or other small miscellaneous expenses
    via Fuzzy_Balance193
  • When my dad left I told my mom she can continue paying whatever she was paying before and I'll cover the bigger bills like rent, phone bill, car payment, etc.
    via Fuzzy_Balance193

  • One young woman was increasingly frustrated by cohabiting with her mom after her dad moved out and requested a divorce. She agreed to stay with her in her apartment, as she could not afford all the expenses for it alone.

    However, her mom was not happy about the fact that she occasionally wanted her boyfriend to stay over. The daughter pointed out that she would not be able to afford to live there if she moved out, causing her mom to be upset. She wasn't sure if she had taken the argument too far.

  • My mom and I live together in a 2bed apt in NYC. I have a boyfriend who will stay over on the weekends (new relationship, so he has only stayed over 2 weekends in the past 3 months).
    via Fuzzy_Balance193
  • I told my mom he was going to stay next weekend and she began to call me inconsiderate, and expressing that she doesn't want him to stay.
    via Fuzzy_Balance193
  • A woman prepares food in a small open-plan kitchen
    via Odile

    A woman prepares food in a small open-plan kitchen

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • I told her that I am only living in our current apartment because of her. If I leave to get my own place, she legit has no where to go.
    via Fuzzy_Balance193
  • No other family, and definitely not a job that can afford NYC rent. She called me a bunch of names started crying and slammed her door shut.
    via Fuzzy_Balance193
  • I told her that it's not my fault she is in this situation. I on the other hand, can very much comfortably afford a 1 bed apt in the city....
    via Fuzzy_Balance193
  • But I stay where I grew up so that my mom isn't homeless. To me, she has no right to complain or tell me that my boyfriend is a "waste of time (?)" and every other ride comment she made about him.
    via Fuzzy_Balance193
  • It's not like we are lounging around having loud s on the weekends, we go out, and come back to shower and sleep, then leave again in the morning.
    via Fuzzy_Balance193
  • I don't see why she thinks she is entitled to complaining when she is living there rent free.
    via Fuzzy_Balance193
  • Edit: I also stay at his place, he lives an hour away from the city which requires me to take my car.
    via Fuzzy_Balance193
  • Yes, she also complains that I take my car and leave her with no car (that I pay for, btw).
    via Fuzzy_Balance193
  • A kitchen counter crowded with various pieces of kitchenware
    via mdreza jalali

    A kitchen counter crowded with various pieces of kitchenware

  • AnastasiusDicorus starting to see why pa left
    via AnastasiusDicorus
  • Fuzzy_Balance 193 Original Poster's Reply Same...
    via Fuzzy_Balance193
  • Realistic_Patience67 NTA. Wasn't there something your Mom got from the split? Also, in many cases, if the husband earns substantially more than the wife, the wife gets some financial support from the husband.
    via Realistic_Patience67
  • Fuzzy_Balance193 Original Poster's Reply Shes seeing a lawyer for alimony now but hasn't gotten anything yet
    via Fuzzy_Balance193
  • Slight-Philosophy470 I think your mom is still dealing with her break up and is probably feeling abandoned/lonely because she has no one besides you. It is very nice of you to stay and pay for your mom but I also think you need to start setting more boundaries so that you can eventually move out. Start pushing her to get better jobs. Encourage her to go out. She can't rely on you for money and a social life.
    via Slight-Philosophy470
  • Trick_Delivery4609 NTA I don't think you can live long-term with your mom if you ever want a husband/ family of your own. She is toxic and you deserve better. In the divorce, does she get alimony? Does she get 50 percent of his retirement? Move her to a place where this covers the bills. Is she able to work still? Maybe being a live in or something with room and board could be good for her until she hits SS age. Figure it out now so you aren't stuck with her.
    via Trick_Delivery4609
  • TheWacoFogey NTA. If she wants to dictate who comes and goes, she can start paying the rent and the bills. This is your place and you make those choices. That is a very hard transition for your mother, of course, but it sounds like you are trying to be as supportive as possible. If she can't appreciate that, then maybe she needs to find a full-time job and a studio apartment she can afford on her own. 56 is not too old to work.
    via TheWacoFogey
  • NotCreativeAtAll16 NTA She's basically trying to pull the "my house, my rules" bit while you pay the rent.
    via NotCreativeAtAll16
  • beepbop110 NTA. I get not wanting to have a guy she doesn't know in her apartment night after night, but it doesn't sound like that sort of thing is going on. If I were you, I'd tell her firmly that you WILL be seeing your boyfriend one way or another, she can't have it both ways. Do you think it's an insecurity thing? Like maybe because she just lost her husband, she's worried about losing you to a guy?
    via beepbop110
  • East-Relative2011 NTA. You can do it...you get to say it. "You're living under MY roof, you have to live by MY rules!"
    via East-Relative2011
  • Boysenberry Jellyfish NTA Your mother is an adult and has to start acting like one, not like a spoiled teenager. It's not fair that you're being treated like this in your own home. You should seriously consider getting your own place after this and letting her sort things out herself. She can get a lawyer and sue your father for spousal support
    via BoysenberryJellyfish
  • Glittering Win_9677 That was my first reaction. NTA, OP. Tell mom this is the alternative golden rule where she who has the gold makes the rules.
    via Glittering_Win_9677

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boyfriend family drama bills argument family daughter mom apartment
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