20 Fake Tan Fails That Took “Glow Up” Way Too Literally

There are two versions of you when it comes to fake tan. The one before: pale, slightly delusional, thinking this is the time I finally get it right. And the one after… standing in front of the mirror, questioning every decision that led you there. One would think that after a certain amount of self-tanning applications, the room for error would be almost non-existent. Well, somehow, we always manage to mess it up. And never really know how. 

And I think we don't talk enough about how stressful this process is. I mean I know there are far more stressful situations than this, don’t get me wrong. But one would think such a mundane, simple activity, would not be that time consuming. Well I guess we all underestimated the art of tanning, huh!

You exfoliate like your life depends on it, moisturize random areas you didn’t even know needed moisturizing, and then comes the actual application, where suddenly your entire body becomes a high-stakes blending project. Ankles, knees, elbows… why do they all behave like completely different surfaces?

And let’s talk about hands for a second. No matter how careful you are, how much you wash them, how much you think you blended everything out, there’s always that moment the next day where you look down and realize your hands told a completely different story. Suddenly wearing gloves during spring time doesn't sound bad at all, am I right?

Then comes the waiting phase. I think this is the most annoying part of the process because why does suddenly every move I make feels so risky? Pro tip for my fellow Self Tanning beginners, don't self tan if you have stuff to do. Your day will be paused for a while, so make sure no heavy chores are scheduled for the day. 

You can’t sit properly. You can’t touch anything. White sheets? Off limits unless you’re ready to emotionally detach from them forever, or accept their new beige color… You start moving in ways that don’t feel natural just to avoid creating weird creases or stains. And if something slightly emotional happens? Forget it. You physically cannot cry, and no messing around with this one. No homework or fights with your partner allowed. Because now you’re not just dealing with feelings, you’re dealing with the very real possibility of a tear-shaped streak running down your face.

So instead, you’re there… doing the most unhinged facial expressions trying to redirect the tears. (No promised results)

You try a new product thinking it’s going to change your life, your favorite influencer swore it did with them, they said it was a ¨game changer¨, so now, that (probably way too expensive) product holds more pressure than the mark for your SATS exam. And instead you end up smelling like a very confusing mix of cookies, chemicals, and something slightly burnt. You keep sniffing your arm like, is that me? This cant be it. And  I´m sorry to tell you it is, darling. Second Pro-tip for today , never trust an influencers recommendation on fake tan. They are probable paying hundreds of dollars to a professional fake-tan studio. 

But here’s the thing.

When it actually works? When the color develops just right, when everything looks even, when your skin has that perfect glow, suddenly everything shifts. Your outfit looks better, your skin feels smoother, your eyes pop more, and for a moment, life just feels a little more put together.  Which is exactly why… no matter how many times it goes wrong, we keep doing it again. Because every fail comes with a little bit of delusion, repeating to yourself that you just need to let it sit for a few days. and this orange look will fake and you´ll end up looking like a Greek goddess with the perfect golden look. Sure! 

And btw, avoid night-time flashes during the first days… Those get real dangerous.