37-year-old Dad of 4 and 6-year-olds insists on cooking dinner at his restaurant every night, wife demands he stop

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  • Father reads story to his 2 young daughters.
  • Am I wrong for refusing to cook dinner again at home after cooking all day at my job as a chef?

    (Throwaway account) I'm. 37M. My wife 35F and we've two kids of age 4 & 6. I'm a full time Chef. She's does part-time WFH and manages house alone till I come back home. I work at my Father's restaurant. I
  • leave for work by 7 AM and come back by 6 PM. Almost a 12-hour demanding job, both physically and mentally. Have to stand and work all day.
  • I always cook my breakfast early in the morning. I don't have to worry about my lunch as I eat at restaurant. Wife has to always cook her and kids' breakfast and lunch as they wake up after I leave. I always make everyone's dinner
  • and she does the dishes. I primarily manage kids after coming back home. It's going like this since years and a mutually agreed plan. My dad is strict with work as I'll be taking over the restaurant after him.
  • As I'm cooking all day since years, I get too tired (both mentally and physically) to do it freshly again at home. So I cook our dinner at restaurant. I DON'T pick up the leftover food. I prepare a totally new batch of home-style food, totally
  • customized for our taste (less spicy and oily, no garlic etc). Using ingredients that are more fresh then household items and cook it in separate pots.
  • Chef prepares meals at restaurant.
  • I pack it up and reach home within 10-15 mins. 99% of times the food is hot. Even if it isn't (which is a very exceptional case) we've got all the kitchen appliances to heat it again. Since a while, she's complaining about it, which I would
  • say are kinda excuses. Like food's not fresh, sometimes comes cold (only the sauce came cold ONCE, and it was when I was having a bad day and in no mood to prepare a new sauce just before ending my shift).
  • She says she's tired of eating "restaurant food", even though it's not. I make whatever she wants. But she wants me to start cooking dinner at home. It sounds small,
  • but I get too tired to start it all over again at home, after rigorously doing the same thing at work whole day.
  • At home it takes double the time and I get tired too. At work it's less pressure as I'm still in the working mode. We're having arguments and she suggested voting.
  • But I think our kids are too small to vote for this. Kids love my food, and it's healthy. I've asked her many times what's the actual issue. But she just repeats the same things. Now she
  • has started complaining about my food even if there isn't any issue at all. Like salt is less, spice is too much, onion overcooked etc. Deliberately irritating me.
  • I've to hear all her grumbling after coming home, tired and exhausted. Finally, I've told her that if it keeps getting like this, then she can cook her own dinner and I'll bring the dinner only for kids and me. AITAH?????
  • Maybe what she really wants is more help with the kids, or more quality family time

    Consci... I think you need a couples therapist because I doubt its about the food.
  • Irish_b... NTA and it has nothing to do with the food. She is unhappy, perhaps doesn't even know why, and just flings pointless
  • random insults around to help you understand how awful she feels. And of course what a terrible person you are.
  • P-DubF... The person who does the job is the one who gets to decide how the job gets done. If she wants to reopen the agreement then she's opening up her end too
  • Dad reads a book to 2 daughters.

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